Guys I need your help. I cannot go on like this. I am so

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KarenL47520, Mar 20, 2003.

  1. KarenL47520

    KarenL47520 New Member

    exhautsted my brain cant't add 2 + 2. The best odds the doctor gave me was a 50/50 cahance at recouping 50% of my life quality. All I want to do is sit and cry. What a strain on my husband and family must be. A total waste of good air and space. I just want this over, I can't live this way.
  2. jeanderek

    jeanderek New Member

    You need a new doctor. Do you have FMS/CFS? I am guessing that you do since your on here but is there anything else going on as well? I know for a while I felt like I was merely existing and I didn't think that I was ever going to regain any of my former life back. I had to learn that I am a different person and even though I might be sick and can't do things like I use to do I can still enjoy things in life. No one here is worthless Why? Because We all have someone who loves us and looks to us for support! Don't sell yourself short you are capable of alot more than what you think right now.. maybe not phyiscally any more but I am sure that your a very smart lady. I am sure that to your husband your very special and he would be lost without you. Try to cheer up sweetie and think of good things. God bless

    hugs,
    Jeanna
  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Find a doc who is willing to treat your fatigue. This is your worst symptom. You need to find a way to get quality sleep. Also, try the ZMA sold here; it has helped many and can be used with whatever your doc prescribes. If there is a doc specializing in CFS in your area, make an appt. with him or her.

    Do not ever give up trying and do not ever give up hope. If you do, it will become a self-fulfilled prophesy. If all you expect to recoup is 50 percent, that is the most you will recoup.

    The mental aspects and spiritual aspects are as important as the physical. Find a good therapist who will work with you to relearn how to be healthy and optimistic. It really helps.

    Many of us have vastly improved the quality of our lives. Like the grieving process, it isn't linear. We progress, we relapse from time to time. We will always have to be careful to avoid stressors, but it is possible to recoup what is lost, even memory. Never let some ignorant doctor talk to you like this. It may be necessary for you to continue through several docs, but eventually, you will find one who is good.

    In the meantime, it is your job to learn everything you can about your illness(es). There is a ton of info here from our members and our library, but no one but you can take up the sword and fight for you own health.

    Love, Mikie
  4. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi karen,
    Im so sorry to hear how youre struggling,get yourself a new doctor & take it from there.
    Ive just got a new doc & feel alot more confident & have faith in him which i lost in my old doc.
    If you wanna cry you go girl,its an excellent release & helps so much,i do it all the time.
    You are not alone & its so important to remember that because itll get you through the days karen.
    Im going through a really bad flare up because my doc filled my disability form in wrong & ive been on it for a yer & a half then because of him its stopped.
    Ive got an appeal form to fill in & i have to say ill win or i dont know what ill do.
    Its so hard having this DD,we just have to keep on plodding on & take each day as it comes.
    Good luck & im here for you.
    Very gentle snuggles
    sharon d(UK)
  5. bejo

    bejo New Member

    Hang in there Karen.Find a Dr. that will treat the exhautsion and the depression.Those two are my main problems too.I had trouble finding a DR. too,but there are good ones out there if we keep looking.I'm not going to tell you that you will come back 100%,but you can get back to a normal life in most ways.If you can get the meds you need and keep posting here it will improve.Stand up and say I will shop for a DR. until I find one who knows what I'm going through.Talk about how you're feeling with your husband and family and ask them for their help.I've felt like you do and I still do at times,but I'm feeling that way less often now.Here's my hand,take it and hold on when you're really feeling at the bottom.We're all here for you anytime.I'm sending you lots of ((((((hugs)))))).
    bejo
  6. Kathryn

    Kathryn New Member

    Depression such as you are suffering right now is a major part of this disease. The good part is that, like our other symptoms, it will wax & wane. As far as your mathmatical skills go, I can't balance my checkbook. Never could - just ask my bank. I CAN do advanced trigonometry. What good that skill does me now, I haven't figured out. I suppose I could do mission planning for eagle raids on my poultry. The important thing to do is KEEP YOUR MIND ACTIVE!!!! It doesn't really matter what you do. Crossword puzzles or the word games in the daily paper, research on our diseases & SS battles on the internet (what I have chosen), independent study of some subject that has always interested you, or whatever. Just force yourself to THINK for even a short period each day. The more you use your mind, the more of it you will have. It is like a muscle. If you don't use it it will atrophy. Start with just a few minutes, or whatever you can tolerate, and work up. I did it, so I know you can.
    Kathryn
  7. Shaylee

    Shaylee New Member

    Yes you can go on. You must go on. You are not a waste you are important to all of us.

    None of us ever know what the next minute is going to bring us or our families. What kind of pain or fatigue is coming forth.

    I have had my days of tears also and at times still do. The best help I have found for those days is write in a journal how you are feeling then write us. We are all here to help you.

    I will need you on one of my bad days Karen, and I am going to depend on you being there for me. We are all here for one another.

    God Bless You and Write anytime you need us,

    Love you,

    Shaylee
  8. KarenL47520

    KarenL47520 New Member

    some crewl joke known as life?? My husband had asked me to take care of his car payment for him. I didn't and he went straight up. That is not what bothered me, what really bothered me, he told the people at the bank to not listen to me about anything concerning his car loan. I know what he said, I was in the next room.

    What very little I have done today and I do mean little, I am about to collapse from fatigue. I have not had a bath or brushed my teeth in many days and I just don't care anymore. I don't want to go on this way.
  9. pinkquartz

    pinkquartz New Member

    karen sometimes i do feel like you.

    and when its this bad two suggestions,
    1. you need to sleep, when its this bad just for one night take a valium or similar and just go to bed switch your brain off, either listen to music or read an easy novel , magazine, make yourself feel safe and if you sleep even with a med for a few more hours it will give you a little bit of yourself back.
    2. do you have a samaritans or similar in the U.S. ? they will let you talk and let out some of your pain and maybe you will feel less stressed.
    what you have to do is never give up your hope. and try to like yourself. its not your fault you are sick.
    take care
    pinkquartz
  10. afeni

    afeni New Member

    We all have the days where we wonder what is the point. But thats because we get so tired and sometimes even discouraged. Thats perfectly o.k.. But where your life is concerned, you need to decide what YOU want, no matter what others might think. Then you need to work towards that goal. One thing at a time, one day at a time. And you may surprise yourself. You never know. But nobody knows you like you. And God will see you through the bad days and the setbacks and all the other things that might test your mettle. And thats how you get better. This place has friendship, encouragement, knowledge, and I think, even some insperation. You can find strength and a spirit you never knew. Its true, we all lose things that we feel are important. But you know that this is also an opportunity to find new things that are just as good. And if you give yourself a chance, you can find so much to be thankful for. We all have worth, even when we don't feel like it. Our lives all have meaning. God doesn't make mistakes. So now is the time, to find your purpose. And give yourself a brake. We all need help sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't like the way you are living, nows the time to work to change it. Don't give up on yourself, It would be a loss of God's divine greatness. LUV, Afeni
  11. jka

    jka New Member

    i had one month i forgot to pay the bills!my husband wasn't real happy-but it wasn't done on purpose.he now knows anything important- he needs to do it!you can only do the best you can.i feel like i haven't always been the best wife or mother.i've had lupus for16 yrs and fibro for6-7 yrs.and have had many a day of crying!usually i watch a sad movie so i don't feel sorry for myself for crying.you need to find a good doc who cares. i'm lucky to have two.an internest and a rhumy.you can feel better. compared to 8 months ago, i almost have a life.thru reading,suppliments and meds. my life has improved.

    thinking of you
    kathy c
  12. Notonline

    Notonline New Member

    Karen, hang on! I remember after the birth of my son, how sick I was, my husband running around, and all the total crap I put up with from my inlaws and him, plus taking care of a new baby that left the hospital premature after 3 months in NICU, (born at 1lb 14 oz). I just wanted to die, used to ponder what the fastest method was.
    IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT that you're sick!! Time to say crap about worrying about the car payment, hubby needs to get a little more self-sufficent! I live for heat of the sun on my face in the morning, the feel of the rain on my skin, and the sound of my windchimes blowing in the breeze. To H&** with those that wish to judge, and I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Light some candles, take a long hot bath, throw on your favorite music, lay down and rest! Please yourself for awhile...you are not wasted space, NO ONE IS!!
    Hubby and I divorced and then got back together (it's been a long haul), we patched things up, he no longer relies on me for everything, I am not his calendar, date planner, or official scorekeeper, just his wife, I am sick some days more so than others, but I'm learning to just roll with the punches. My inlaws have learned to just lay-off.
    I'm new to this board, but thought I would reply anyhow, hope I haven't made you feel worse. I know how low you can feel sometimes...I've been there.
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    As alone as you feel, you are not. We all know exactly how you feel. That is the beauty of this board. We are the only people who do know how you feel.

    We are here to offer our support, but as I mentioned above, it is up to you to get some help with your problems. You cannot give up. Dig down deep for the reserve of strength which is there. It's there even if you do not think it is.

    I keep you in my prayers.

    Love, Mikie
  14. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I know how you feel, I often feel that I am using up air and space better utilized by someone else. I have thought about ending things myself. But what was said earlier is absolutely true. God doesn't make mistakes; we are here for a reason. I am determined to keep plodding along and trying to be the best person I can be, even if I can't do anything except lay in bed. I have been sick for 20 years and have had very little improvement. I would be DELIGHTED with a 50% improvement. I would encourage you to at least try to brush your teeth; you don't need dental problems on top of everything else. I at least brush my teeth and dress myself every day, that is my absolute minimum. Please post here often, the people here are very supportive.

    Hippo
  15. Shaylee

    Shaylee New Member

    Karen
    I not only got a month behind on my bills I did not even balance the check book. I lost everything I set down, and could barely finish a sentence without brain fog.

    When I would take the trash to the dump I would have to go to bed all day. Could not remember telephone numbers and somedays still seem as a blurr to me.

    I promise you somehow and I know you do not feel like it now, but you will learn to cope. We are here for you and yes we understand it all.

    Love,

    Shaylee
  16. teawah

    teawah New Member

    Close your eyes. Imagine yourself dying. However you want to die. Suicide or car wreck, whatever. Then, imagine your closest family members waking up in the morning without you. Crying because they miss you. If you did the suicide thing, imagine how they are going to feel when they grow up and have problems too. How they are goin to feel about the fact that you didn't love them enough to hold on FOR THEM. If for no other reason than that, you have to hold on.

    I have tried to commit suicide many times. I never realized how selfish it was and what the effect it would have on my family would do to them. How unfair is that? We think that our lives are too much to handle. How can we then make the people we claim to love so much, suffer for the rest of time and have to figure out for themselves why they weren't a good enough reason for us to stick around.

    Damnit, Karen, I know this life sucks. I feel it every day. The pain and the disappointment. But if I was to give up and die is that going to do anything for my family?? Nothing but hurt them. Do I have the right to do that? NO. Do I have the right to play God? NO

    ((((((HUGS)))))) These are for you from the deepest part of my heart. As I sit here typing this message to you hoping beyond all hope that you read it and know that you can't do what you are thinking of, the tears roll down my face as I truly feel your pain with you.

    Hang on to your ass, Karen. We cannot give up the fight. WE just can't. I love you and feel with you.
    teawah
  17. fibrorebel

    fibrorebel New Member

    Hi-
    I am brand new to this board, and am so grateful for
    discovering it! I have had fibromyalgia for several years
    but had a auto accident 3yrs. ago and also developed myofascial pain syndrome. I also felt I was no longer useful
    and couldn't live like this. My strong spiritual life
    and learning all I could about this "body snatcher" of a
    disease has been my life-line. An excellent book to get(or
    borrow from your library)is "Fibromyalgia &Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome- A SURVIVAL MANUAL" by Devin
    Starlanyl, M.D. and Mary Ellen Copeland,M.S., M.A.
    They are both doctors but they both HAVE the disease!
    Just remember that we may have the disease but it
    isn't who we are and refuse to allow the disease to have
    you.
    Thank you for reaching out- you have already been
    useful in getting me to get the courage to enter the board.
    I haven't ever really reached out to anyone in support of
    this illness I have tried to suffer-cope all by myself and
    only now realize how much stronger we all are when we help
    support one another. Thanks again. Let me know how you like the book.
  18. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    Karen,

    I know painfully well how, when I am at my most sick, painful, afraid, hopeless, desperate and.....yes, suicidal.....moments, how there is almost NOTHING that anyone can say to me that will make me feel better. In fact, sometimes it seems as if the more I reach out for help, the more I end up feeling invalidated or not understood.

    Nobody.......not even those of us here on the board.....can really comprehend the pain you are feeling right now. We can relate TO A CERTAIN EXTENT, but no further...that is just the plain truth.

    I only want to tell you that I love you, and God loves you.......just exactly like you are this moment. But I also know that saying that probably doesn't help make you feel much better right now.

    I don't know you....but I wish I could put my arms around you and let you cry your eyes out. I wish I could lay hands on you and ease your pain, both physical and emotional. But the best that I can do is to tell you that I do "get it". I do know what it feels like to feel like a total waste of space....like nothing but one big lump of misery. I do understand how that feels, and I hear you when you say that is how you feel right now.

    Please hold on, Karen.

    Write out a long post and really spill out your true feelings. Nobody here will judge you for that! If you are not comfortable doing that, then write it all down on paper, and then put it in an envelope and address it to your God. Tell Him you are giving it all to Him, because you can't deal with it.

    I know that doing this will not magically "fix" all your problems....but I am learning...slowly learning....for myself, that if you do this often enough, and really PRACTICE letting go and giving it all to God to help you with, and ask for his help and guidance.....it will come. It probably won't be like it is on "Touched By An Angel", but, take if from this cynic (sp?)....it does help if you do it often and with sincerity. Faith takes practice. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!

    Take some of the advice you have gotten in your replies about finding ways to pamper and soothe yourself....even if these things only seem like "band-aids on a wound that needs stitches". Use whatever you can to help you to get through this dark period. And try to find a thread of faith that you will feel better. You will have better days.

    I also hope you will read my post about "Desperation and Hope". I was going to put it all here, but decided it is more appropriate make a seperate post.

    Please know that you are truly in my prayers, and you touched me deeply tonight.

    "In the arms of the Angel,
    may you find some comfort here!"

    God Bless You!

    Vickie (in Texas)
  19. teawah

    teawah New Member

    for Karen.

    Bumping this up so you have the opportunity to read and feel the love from all of us.

    please let us know how you are doing.

    We don't want to lose you

    teawah