HAPPINESS, Where did it go?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by greatgran, May 8, 2006.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Even with the cfs/fibro I have so much to be thankful for and I am but I can't ever feel joy and happiness on the inside of me...

    Can anyone relate? What is wrong with me its like I am going thru the motions but no real feelings..just a numb like feeling...

    I posted on this a few years ago, thought it was grieving over losing part of me..Well, thought I had gotten beyond that and accepting what life has given me but the unhappiness and no joy is stll with me..

    At least with the fatigue and aches there is feeling..

  2. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    It is a grieving process!!:>(

    We have lost so much because of this disease.And we grieve for that loss.Whether it happened today or yrs ago.

    I just want things to be the way they were.

    Getting up, going to work, able to go for walks,

    enjoy the little things!Run and play with my grandson!!

    I feel like I have given up!!!! That I am not even trying to work. So I am doing a LOT of soulsearching!!

    Saying prayers for you luv!
  3. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Thanks for your reply..I thought I had gotten beyond the grieving but maybe not..Do you take any meds for all this?

    I too, am soul searching but seem to get lost..I think what can I do with the rest of my life, I know God has a plan for me but can't seem to find it..

    Also do you have anxiety/depression?? I feel that is a factor in what I do and don't at times...

    While I am here another issue I can't seem to get over and that is the fear of going more than 20 miles form home..
    May do a seperate post on this..

    God Bless and Prayers,
  4. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    him I have lost my Purpose in life. He said I have to make a new life plan that will work for me now. He gave me a whole lot to think about. He told me to read "The Purpose Driven Life". I have that book but had never read it. I started last night. You read one chapter a day for 40 days.

  5. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. Having been ill for over 25+years, I know I've gone through the grieving process.

    It's the not being able to create a new life that's getting me down, and leaving me with these unanswered questions. During these long years, I was able to have some fun with all kinds of painting, arts & crafts. Now I've lost the motivation for that as well. Socializing with normals is out as it's too draining anymore.

    But I will tell you something that's been told to me by my guardian angel & therapist. Every moment watch for what comes to you. It may not be a "huge" purpose, but something to keep you occupied for even a few minutes (like these boards). Just about the time I'm ready to pull my hair out from boredom, something will come into my life that will give me that. Now it doesn't come close to the joy I felt when pre-ill, but it's starting to fill my time.
    e.g. two of my plants were dying outside, so I replanted them........that gave me a feeling of helping/joy. A hummingbird visited me at the kitchen window the other day; that lightened my heart. Animals & Nature are my guides.

    I also keep a prayer/meditation list calling in what I'd like (in my present state), and I've had pretty amazing results.

    But still I so miss the laughing hard, the full joy & hope one day to regain that, but have no clue how it will appear, so I just keep watching.


  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Both our illnesses and some meds can alter our ability to feel emotions. I know that sometimes, I just feel "flat." I'm not depressed and I can feel joy and sadness but not at the level I used to.

    It can also be PTSD. This can manifest itself following traumatic episodes. Even years later, it can come back following another trigger and we may not even realize something has triggered it. It is our mind's way of keeping us from dealing with things which we may not be ready to deal with.

    Finally, the grieving process never ends. It is not linear. Over time, hopefully, we do move to acceptance but we can still have one foot in anger, depression, or denial. What happens in our brains is mental and may not be the same thing as emotions. We can intellectually "know" we have accepted our illnesses and new lives but emotionally, we may not have. I once told my shrink that the longest journey is the one from "knowing" to "feeling."

    Love, Mikie
  7. padre

    padre New Member

    I often share your feelings. My psychologist suggested that what we feel may be a form of post traumatic stress syndrome -- only from on going stress. He also suggested that I re-read "The Velveteen Rabbit". It is a children's book but not just for children. It is about being loved even as we go to pieces. You might try it. Thanks for sharing. -Padre
  8. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    I don't know if my feelings are like your feelings, but I find myself not enjoying the change in the seasons like I thought I would.

    May: new birds, new leaves, long sunny hours, warm breezes. I'm sure May must be great is you're a bird or a leaf or the sun or the wind. Not if you're me.

    May means another season to watch from the sidelines. May means being grounded and unable to fly. May is a time of changes, but for me, things stay the same. And I wish I could believe it could get better. But even if it does, it won't be better before I miss another May.

    I wish we could all just sit together and hug eachother for a while. Maybe that should be part of awareness day. Spring is such a hard time to be ill. The fullness of the world waking up clashes with the sameness of this disease and the inactivity of it. Wish I could come over and give you a hug.
    ((love)) Shannon
  9. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    Thank you, Suzette and Padre. I have both of those books and have read them in the past. Seeing you mention them brings back memories, and I realize that I need to read them again. Especially "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I even have it on cassette so I have no excuse. LOL

    God Bless.
  10. Hope4Sofia

    Hope4Sofia New Member

    It would be nice just to have others in the room who can truly empathize with our feelings. To cry laugh and hug.

    I think we have to find our way back to happiness. It's part of this journey. I struggle with it tremendously myself.

    I have found some peace when I focus on the moment and feel greatful for it. I try to experience that once a day.

    I miss LIVING. Going without wondering how long I'll last. Being present with my children instead of preoccupied with my pain or fatigue.

    I think we are all experiencing the "I miss Me" emotion. My guess is that somehow we have to re-invent "Me" to a certain degree.

    It's kind of like mourning lost love. At some point you put down the old memories and fantasies and open yourself up again to new love.

    My heart goes out to you.

  11. CCBloom

    CCBloom New Member

    I'm not sure how this message board works...but i sooo feel and understand the pain and the emptiness that FM CFS brings. To not have anyone who understands...to feel so alone....to dread having to get out of bed....almost dreading life itself. I don't know how to get out of this depprssion....I am on so many meds....for everything....what more is there for me to do....I'm 46 and feel my life is over....
    I hope everyone some day will understand FM/CFS and then will not be judging us...

    [This Message was Edited on 05/09/2006]
  12. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    We value you and are glad that you found us. Your first post! This board will help to bring something good into your day. Here you are useful, strong and beautiful, and above all, ;) normal and accepted and understood. Hope to hear more from you. You express things beautifully and are right on the money.
    ((welcome!)) Shannon & board
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Sending good prayers and wishes your way.

    Love, Mikie
  14. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    For me it is consoling to know that there are many sick like me. I can still feel excited about being alive and enjoying my retirement. So, I have to rest, but I have the time to do it.

    Think joy.

    (Just a suggestion)

  15. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    to the same place my "normal" life went.

    Now, I just make the decision to be happy, even if I don't feel that way. I've heard that if you smile, then the feeling will follow. I try to do that, and sometimes it actually works!

    "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone." So I laugh. Ha! Ha! (LOL)

    God Bless.
  16. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    Seems to be one of the major questions of the universe right now.

  17. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Great topic. I could have sworn that you were me talking. You could not have expressed it better. I feel this way down to a t. I hate that others feel this way, but relieved to know I am not alone. Almost brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for expressing how you feel and being so honest. BIG HUGS!!!!!


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