Hard Choices and Guilt

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kmelodyg, Mar 16, 2003.

  1. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Good evening everyone. This is my second night back, and I tell ya... you have all given me so many things to think about. Thank you so much!! I needed that! I am going to lose my unemployment on April 1st, and have finally admitted to myself that I will not be able to (realistically) go back to work full time. So I am going to immediately apply for Medicaid. (I have gone w/o any medical coverage for the past 6 months!) Then I will get all of the necessary tests that my doctor wants to do, including MRI's, x-rays, bloodwork, etc. From there I will attempt to apply for disability. This has been very hard to come to this decision because I am only 25 years old. It is so frustrating to have your whole life ahead of you and have it postponed because of the fibro. I have just been thinking that as long as I have my med's, I MIGHT be able to make it to work everyday. But I know that is just not the reality of it. On the average, at least three times a week, I am almost completely bedridden. I wake up and cry just about everyday because the pain is so bad. I just know that if I got a job, I would be setting myself up to be fired again. This has been a "hard pill to swallow". It made me so depressed today. Luckily I have alot of support from my boyfriend. I don't know how I would get by without him. Has anyone else had a similar situation?? How did you get through it? Can you offer any suggestions? Thanks!

    Kathryn
  2. jeanderek

    jeanderek New Member

    I understand, I am only 29 and started getting sick five years ago. Well it goes back alittle farther but that is when it started becoming disabiling. I have FMS, Rhuematoid arthritis, Gout and degenerative disk disease all that the ripe old age of 29 lol. Its hard to deal with I know. I too am working on getting my disability, after you get that first denial (if you get denied) get a lawyer right away (they only get paid if you do and its 25%of your back pay and thats it) Its worth it in the long run because unless by devine intervention they find a cure, this is a life long thing, or that is what I have learned so far. I am also getting government insureance. I have had so many doctors its not even funny and so many tests I can't remember half of them, but the good thing is I didnt have to pay a thing for them because of the gov. insureance. I hope that you get to feeling better and just know your not alone. I feel like I have been robbed of all my dreams in life because of my age as well but I try not to dwell on the bad and learn to cope with what I have. Best Wishes

    hugs,
    Jeanna

    and please don't feel guilty for something that is no fault of your own, no one asked for this illness so you don't have to aplogize for it or feel guilty for having it.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/16/2003]
  3. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    It means alot to me to hear about someone around my age who has gone through this. I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about something that is out of my control. It's just so hard sometimes. I live with my mother (who also has fibro and MS) and my 19 year old sister and her 1 year old son. I help take care of them. I always have. Now I'm the one who needs to be taken are of. It's strange when you're not used to asking for help. I guess that's something that I will have to start getting used to. Thanks again.

    Kathryn
  4. Tattoopixie

    Tattoopixie New Member

    Welcome & sorry you have to be here. I am a young-at-heart, single 40 yr old mom, who has worked FT all of her adult life. I have never been able to keep up w/the crowd & was told in my 20's that I might have CFS & was definitely dx'd w/FMS last yr. I have always been brazenly independent & really had to bite the bullet when I lost a job I had been at for 4yrs & had intended to work at till they kicked my old butt out the door! Since then, I have attempted to find other jobs or go to school, but after having to cancel several interviews & meetings I finally decided to take a rest & apply for SSDI. My first application was started in Sept (?) last yr & was denied this month. I will now get an atty & fight for my money. This site has alot of great info to help you out in this area. There is a purple link at the top of this page for 'disability' that explains alot & you can search this message board too. Also, I just bumped up a message last night that had to do w/feeling guilty over disablity- you should see that as well. That money is supposed to be there when we need it, so don't feel bad about using it. I hope you have your family's support backing you up on this. It's been a long journey for me, but this board helps alot!
    Peace,
    Pixie
  5. popgun

    popgun New Member

    Will absorb your medical cost if you cant pay, check with their billing dept.
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Sweetie, I am so sorry that you are having to make such tough decisions and suffer from a major illness at such an early age. I admire you for realizing that there are tough choices and opting to do what is best for you. Good luck and don't give up. Things will work out.

    Love, Mikie
  7. jordasta

    jordasta New Member

    Kathryn,

    Don't feel guilty. I have for a while too, but I'm learning from the great people on this site that you can't help it, you didn't ask for it, and you deserve a chance.

    I am only 26 and have had FMS for 6 years. I still work full time, but only 4 days per week. Days like today, I am in bed working from home. I'm very fortunate to have a job where they are willing to work with me like this. However, all good things must come to an end, and I'm afraid they will get tired of me staying out so much.

    When I DO go to work, I have to take a Vicodin before I leave home, and at least one more during the day just to get through. It's not an easy choice, but I'm thinking about disability myself.

    Don't get too discouraged. There are plenty of people out there that really do understand. I'm starting to see that now, myself!

    Take care and chat as often as you can. It will help to lift your spirits!

    ((((((soft hugs)))))
    Stacie
  8. pearls

    pearls New Member

    When I saw the subject of your post, I thought, "Now, here's something I can relate to: hard decisions and guilt." Then, when I read it, I see you are very young. I have hard decisions - and guilt, too - but I'm 58! My sympathies to you.

    Soft hugs,
    -Pearl