Hard time accepting help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ALEESLP, Jun 8, 2008.


    ALEESLP New Member

    Since I have been having a hard time with CFS and the side effects of Valcyte, people [especially my parents who are still very young early 60s] have been offering to help me with housework and yardwork. I know that I am lucky that I have parents that want to help and other people don't. My parents want to help me financially but I just can't accept it.I have always been fiercely independent. I am 42 and have never been married. I don't know how to accept help and feel pressure to let others help. I hate feeling so weak and dependent. My mother is getting upset that I won't let her help.
    This disease makes me want to be alone so that I will not have to deal with the constant questions of how can I help. How do you guys handle this?
    Thanks for letting me vent.

    BILLCAMO New Member

    I've had to swallow my pride and accept help. Before I got sick , I used to help others as much as I could and still do when I can.

    Perhaps this will help you . In a way , help is a type of love from the heart. IMHO , it is better to accept that love rather than reject it. You also run the risk of hurting the people who offered that love.

    You still will get your opportunities to help others and try to do so when you can.

    Although it still hurts my pride to accept help , I also realize that helping someone else makes me feel better. So , why pass up the chance to make someone feel better ?

    I hope this helps you.

    Blessings ,

  3. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    and feel fortunate they are able to help you in whatever way they can. They probably are really upset they can't make you better, and this is the only way they know how to care for you.

    Take any help you can get--I'm sure before you got sick you helped people in need so now this completes the circle.

    I WISH I had some family to help me.

    ALEESLP New Member

    My mom called and she is coming over tomorrow. I am going to let her help me get my house in order but it will be hard. I go back to work in one week and am still so sick.I am usually the one to help others [ I work with kids with special needs] so this new role is difficult. Thank you for listening.

  5. momof27

    momof27 New Member


    BILLCAMO New Member

    you were the type of person that usually helps others ! And I know how difficult it can be to accept help. Helping others does help you. And it is hard to be the recipient of help.

    As Mom 27 said , it will help your parents. Why deprive them of that good feeling of helping you ?

    If you have a "hugging" type family , give your Mom a big hug from you ! And , if possible , a small hug from us. If not , just share a thank you , please.

    Good help can be so hard to find....... Loving help is a special gift that should be treasured.

    Blessings ,

  7. poets

    poets Member

    I'd give anything if I had some family help. My husband is not interested in doing much and my son Adam helps, but he has limitations too because he has FM and epilepsy. My mom is too old to help and she has severe osteoporosis. My sister COULD help, but doesn't want to be bothered. I struggle along the best I can, but I get so discouraged because there are things that the doctor has absolutely forbid me to do and I don't know how to get it done. Sometimes I could just scream, HELP!

    So if you have people willing to help you, but all means take advantage of it. I think you'll feel better when you see how glad it makes others when they can reach out to you.

    I understand in a way where you're coming from and before I got this FM I was fiercely independent, but after that and after breaking my back, I just have to stand aside and accept the help on the rare occassions that it comes my way.

    BILLCAMO said it very well.

    I hope you have better days and remember you're not alone. Lots of us need help.