Has anyone fallen in love

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by BabiCati, Jan 3, 2006.

  1. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

    and gotten married after being diagnosed with FM or Sjogrens or both (I have both). Or any other DD.

    I ask this because I am single and happy this way for now but wonder about the future. I am not dating (how can I when my time off is spent trying to recuperate from two jobs).

    I wonder how do you tell the person and how accepting have you found them to be. At work people know something is wrong but don't know what. I just get very cranky (like today) when I am in pain. I don't go out as much as I would like because I am always in pain. My family is not much help. They say I am putting on an act to get out of doing things. This makes perfect sense, I work two jobs but then don't like going out to enjoy myself!!!

    Anyway, any feedback would be appreciated. It just seems so hard. I was dx at 25 and I am now 34 and I realized the other day that this has taken over my life completely.

    Thanks for "listening",

    Lourdes
  2. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

  3. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

  4. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    Been w/ fiance for over 2 yrs and I was disabled when I met him. In my experience it hasn't been hard to meet interested men at!


    Jeanne
  5. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

    for your replies and your good wishes, Kat. I wish the same for you. There are days that I can barely function and ask my boss to work from home but I have no idead how I do it.



    Thanks again,

    Lourdes
  6. sjogrens

    sjogrens New Member

    My second marriage was 6 months before I was diagnosed with sjogren's but I had a total hystery of other stuff before I got married the second time. The other stuff gradually happened during my first marriage. I was 33 when I was finally diagnosed with fibro and sjogren's. I know what you mean about feeling bad and sore all the time. My second husband didn't take long to understand the illness. As you probably noticed in my other post though he has an interest in my meds. My first husband did not understand me at all. He thought I was always over reacting. He also called my lazy. If you want to talk let me know. I don't know how to add messaging to this board with out giving the actual e-mail. The ms board had an instant messaging. Does this one have one?
  7. anakinkaid

    anakinkaid New Member

    I was married for 6 months when I became ill. My husband has been a prince and an unbelievable support and research. I thought I knew the man I married, but only when I became ill did I see/experience the true depth of his soul. From moving my office to home where I could work easier (he finished the move with a surprise bottle of champagne-I cried) to trying to dry bath towels on the 'air' cycle so they would be soft (that didn't 'work' too well)-I've never seen the like: I thank Heaven for him. AND he says he thanks Heaven for me, which amazes me as I can now do so little. Hang in there=there are real men out there, staying the course no matter how choppy the waters gets.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/04/2006]
  8. lumediluna

    lumediluna New Member

    Hello,

    If there is someone out there, that TRULY cares for YOU and understands your situation, then all you can do is take it from there.
    I am married, and I recently ran into a handsome "gentleman" on New Years Eve at the supermarket - he works there, 42 (but looked 34) tall, dark and handsome and a Vet Marine(sp), and was saying how he was in pain and was going to drink some Jimmy Bean and take a some pain medication and go to bed. I asked him why "May" I ask........that's what started our converstation. Well, he was assisting me with the alcohol :)

    He had been through A LOT being in war etc. He is looking for a great girl who could understand his situation with pain and wants to have a great time too when they can - he is a hopeless romantic.....just like most women :)
    I told him I can totally relate and he asked me to set him up with my sister.....but, they are both married.
    Maybe you :) He was really nice and asked me to come back to shop there, but it wasn't this health food store......but then he told me I had a very lucky husband :) Well, I guess I am just a bored housewife, who is really interested in people. He really was so sweet.

    I was thinking of the single people with pain and they are out there looking for someone to love and feel loved back!!
    I wish I knew someone I could set him up with, because he has great character and sincere and SUPER funny......from what I gathered.
    Women can be SOOOOOOOO shallow here in CA, and not many would want to date someone like that (dispite his good looks), but he needs someone who has "walked a mile in his shoes - well, at least in the pain area".

    I really do think you WILL find true love. May take some time fishing in the sea :) But I have faith in true love. The best are those old couples, walking hand-in-hand....just melts my heart. I want to be like THAT one day :) Good luck and keep us posted.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/09/2006]
  9. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

    It has meant so much. I know that having this DD puts me at an advantage when it comes to finding the right person because once I tell him, if he stays and is helpful, I know I will have found the right man. The problem is bringing it up. The worse would be the initial rejection due to something that has already robbed me of so much. Once I get past that it should be easy-- I think.

    Thank you for listening and answering me and encouraging me.

    It means so much.

    Lourdes
  10. brock

    brock New Member

    I am sorry that you that you suffer from FM (I have very little knowledge of Sjogrens). However, I am confident that you will find someone who will be supportive and understanding of your predicament. It may take a little extra effort, though, to weed out those not completely sympathetic, but he is out there somewhere.

    I know it is difficult and the desire I once had of going out and doing things really isn't there anymore. I have found myself quite content to just lay down and recuperate from the day. I really give you a lot of credit for working two jobs while enduring this DD.

    Good luck to ya and keep us informed if you do meet your dream man!

    Brock
  11. Jessa34

    Jessa34 New Member

    I know how you feel. I've had FM for many years and only known for a little over a year. I haven't dated since. My previous relationship was really affected by sickness and I guess I'm a little hesitant to get out there again.
    But I also look at the fact that I'm almost 35 and I don't want to be single forever. I wish I had good advice for you, but you're not alone in how you feel. Maybe this year I can figure out how to have more of a life. Don't give up.

    Jess
  12. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    I met my guy just months before I got sick.. We have been living together for nearly 11 years and are getting married in Sept.
    Hugs and good luck!
  13. damz68

    damz68 New Member

    My wife had to go to work when I got ill and 6 months later she cheated me with one of her co-worhers. I am still with her, either that or homeless. I guess you can say we are seperated living together.

    I bet you will find 10 men that will take care of a sick woman before you could find one woman to care for a sick man. Maybe more.

    I am sure you would all be there for your husbands, right.

    Just venting, not trying to start something.
  14. sharon5650

    sharon5650 New Member

    Hi there, Just to let you know I have fallen in love with a great man. Last Sept, I went on to one of the dating sites (Lavalife.com) and met a lot of men, this went on for awhile, then finally I met him, and boom!! we both fell madly in love....I told him right up front, I have a rebelling 15yr old daughter, and I have Fibromyalgia/chronicfatigue....at first of course he never heard of it. When we first starting dating, I started relapsing, he soon found out what it was real fast. From all the anxiety and strong emotions of this love, I really had a hard time dealing with it...lol...I got sick...lol..so crazy, but true...he searched the net and found out all about it. He stayed with me and helped me through the relapse. I had one infection after the other, throat infection/then thrush...no kissing for sure...lol...what a dam mess I was in...but wow, he was with me 100% ...I am so grateful ...when a man really loves you, he doesn't care what shape your in...he loves you for who you are, this disease is part of us, just like maybe they might have something too....you never know!!! no one is perfect, tell up front when you meet them...well, if you think there is something between you anyways, if he sticks around, you'll know..and if he doesn't it wasn't meant to be......lots of luck to you.....sharon5650 up here in Montreal, Canada......
  15. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

    the responses have been amazing. Thank you all for your kind words.

    I think that it is safe to say that a real man or woman would see you through it.

    It has been hard for me to follow through with my dreams and goals. I believe that what is meant to happen will happen so marriage and babies do not worry me so much. I just don't want this disease to control me even more. It is just that staying home all the time (when not working) is not a life (so people say) and no way to meet new people.

    Thank you for your stories the good and the bad. I wish you all the best. If anything new happens I will definitely let you know.
  16. atiledsner

    atiledsner New Member

  17. KJH_10

    KJH_10 New Member

    I met my fiance' when I was still in high school. We have been together ever since. We have been together for 7 years, the first 5 years I was not really sick, but in the last 2 years I have become sick he has stayed by my side. He has taken me to my Dr. appt when I could not drive, he has taken me to the ER when I was real bad, and stayed home and watched movies with me even though all our friends were out having a good time. He proposed to me in April of 2004, and we plan on getting married in april of 07. Hang in there, there are good guys out there.
  18. CAmom

    CAmom New Member

    I met my husband about 4 years into my CFS/FM so he has never known me any other way and he still loves me. He will admit he can't fathom how someone can possibly sleep 12-15 hours a day and still feel like they want a nap. He's grown used to my getting every little bug going around and Immediate Care being my second home. The house may not be as clean as he would hope for and there are days I am sure he just wants to scream but overall we are going on 10 years of marriage and still love eachother. He's gotten used to times when my brain isn't all there for conversation so he just goes with the flow.

    There are those out there that will love you unconditionally, it just takes longer to find them when we don't go out often at all.
  19. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

    It seems here so far that women are the one's not sticking around. I think you have everything to live for and if you are so depressed you should go back to your doctor and demand another medicine.

    If your thoughts become more desperate, go to a hospital emergency room.

    I know things will come around but first you have to tackle the depression and you will be able to deal with everything else.

    I'll be praying for you...
  20. Alyndra

    Alyndra New Member

    While I've been best friends with the man I'm with since grade school - I was sick before we really got together.

    More specifically I was in the "I think I'm getting better" part of all this when we got together. It's been quite a test of wills since things got horribly worse; instead of better.

    In the end, I honestly don't think my being sick really holds much bearing on our relationship. It certainly makes things a bit more challenging, and at times it's out right stressful.

    I entirely believe that when the person who can love you more then the world itself comes along, your being sick will be the last thing he sees.

    Good luck

    ~Amanda