Has anyone lost their family due to fibro?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Achyten, Jan 23, 2010.

  1. Achyten

    Achyten New Member

    It's going on 3 years since i've had any visits from my married kids and even the grandkids.

    This hurts so much,, I have even called and left messages and the one daughter doesn't call me back.. I don't even bother calling my other daughter and son anymore, since it was their choice to not to call me anymore. I"ve had surgery, and they didn't even come see me or phone me.
    I have done nothing to make them be that way,,, so it has to be bc of this dd,,but why???
    Am I that boring or what? Cause I sure don't complain.
    They are not concerned about my health or otherwise.
    I use to once in awhile ask my youngest daughter if she could please come with me shopping sometime,,,but I gave up on that, cause it will never happen.
    There are so many times I wish I could go out shopping,,, even for a little while,,, just to get out of the house. Only on my good days can I go myself,, but only for a short time its hard to do,, with my panic disorder from malls and such.
    It's so unfair.. I don't dare cry anymore, cause i just end up paying for it later.
    I don't know if this situation goes with this dd or am I expecting too much of my kids? Two of them live 20 minutes away,, my other daughter is 5 hrs away.
    They all work,,,so maybe it's me, they must be too busy or something... I"m just so tired of looking out the window when I hear car doors slam.... thinking just maybe. I am 65 yrs young,,lol..
    Thankyou so much for your time,,, Achyten
  2. Si Titran

    Si Titran New Member

    *hugs gently*

    Regardless of the reasoning behind their actions, your emotions get hurt. It's not fair to you or your grandchildren for them to avoid and isolate them selves from you.

    I can understand them being busy with their own families and jobs. Thats part of them growing up. But the other part is still being there for your mother. I've helped my mother with her various health issues despite my own battle with FM. I've seen my own mother deal with her family for many years as well, and I know its not easy. In today's technology driven world it doesnt take much to make a phone call or send emails.

    I'm sorry they are this way.
  3. granmaw09

    granmaw09 Member

    Of course I don't know the reason why your famiily has dis-owned you. That's exactly what they have done and it is not fair to the grand kids either!! Grand kids have their own mind as long as they are not being told lies about their Grandmother. I myself have 5 grandkids and I love them dearly. They do not live close to me, that is sad for us. I am truly sorry your kids have acted this way towards their Mother. I would give just about anything to have my Mother here on earth again!!! I miss her terribly and it's been almost 12 yrs!
    The conditions you are having with yourself right now, is when family is needed the most in our lives!
    I wish the best for you.
  4. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I don't think any of us can say whether your family's inconsiderate actions are because of your Fibro or not. I wouldn't blame it on that unless you have seen the clues to that along the way. What I would say as mentioned above is that regardless of the reason, is it heartbreaking and I am SO sorry to hear situations like this.

    I guess because I am so incredibly close to my family. I know that someday we won't all be together so I don't take any time that we do have on this earth for granted.

    If is there is something in the relationship to be healed, you would have to know what that is in order to begin the process. In any of your conversations with your kids previously did you get any ideas of any issues they felt? or is this just the way they are? Don't take this on as if it's your fault! Sounds like your kids need a wake up call and have no idea what they are missing in their lives AND for their children!! I just don't understand it.

    I think it would be hard to give up on your children, but don't set yourself up for disappointment time and time again.
    We're all going to give you different advice based on our own experiences with our children and our parents.

    I would keep an open invitation to them, unconditional - no asking for anything, but maybe a visit, to see the grandkids. If they accept, great, if they don't, you will know that you made the effort because you're a good caring Mom!

    I can't say how sorry I am - it must be incredibly hurtful for you.
  5. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Hi Achyten

    Sadly I can say fibro has cost me a relationship with my daughter. The last time we were together she started yelling at me about having trouble making decisions etc. I have tried to give her info and more.

    She and my gkids live 15mins from my house. No visits,no phonecalls. Altho the gkids do call or email. It seems like once I became sick and stopped being there all the time it was like out of sight out of mind.

    I understand what u are going thru. Sometimes I think it might be better not to have family.

    cyber hugs
  6. Achyten

    Achyten New Member

    Hi 3gs...

    Now,,, I"m not glad the same thing is happening to you too,,,not at all,,but I do feel not so alone and abandoned becuase of this DD. That there is someone else going out there going through this besides me.

    I agree with what you said about not having family, ONLY because they hurt me so bad.
    My son ,his wife, and the two boys,,well I'm forgetting them and how they look and such. And its not that I haven't tried to invite them over for meals,,,they always say they're doing something at the time and can't come. So I give up.

    My two daughters never call me either... so I guess we have no choice but to carry on as if we have no kids.

    Thankyou so much for understanding what I"m going through..

    and to everyone else that replied,, thankyou so much for your kind replies..

    Hugss, achyten