has anyone noticed that a lot of formers have moved on?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Scoobsmom, Dec 11, 2002.

  1. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    I have noticed that many people who use to frequent this website have moved on.. could it be that those of us who attempt at voicing our heart either get slam basted or just ignored... cliquey feeling here... also, when mariac2000 said she was not feeling a part of this I wondered if others feel that way, but leave because we are concerned about getting pushed out... just wondering
  2. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    I have noticed that many people who use to frequent this website have moved on.. could it be that those of us who attempt at voicing our heart either get slam basted or just ignored... cliquey feeling here... also, when mariac2000 said she was not feeling a part of this I wondered if others feel that way, but leave because we are concerned about getting pushed out... just wondering
  3. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    For what it's worth! Being on this board is like watching the same movie over and over again and I don't mean that in a bad way. After awhile, it's the same questions and the same answers over and over and over again, so it does get a bit old and yes, boooooring! I just don't see much new info here, so would guess this is why some move on? How much we can hash over about FM and CFS before we run out of new stuff?

    Marilyn :)
  4. sofy

    sofy New Member

    That is the nature of things on boards like this. You will probably have a core group who are dedicated givers who will stick around but the majority of participators will only come for a certain amount of time until its just old and boring and leave. I like to think some of them have found a way to live a meaningful life and are doing it so this board is no longer a need for them.
  5. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    I have to say when I first came to the board I felt very welcomed. Now I don't even feel like part of this group.

    I have wondered if it is because I freq toss a suggestive "idea" or theory out there and people think it's stupid or I am just "Boring" as someone in this same post so gracously put it.

    Maybe I'm just being to sensitive this week because I feel like....oh, I don't know, LIKE I AM GOING TO DIE!!! I'm sure that's what it is (I hope) BUT...I have to say, the person who said all this is so "BORING" may be right, I'm sure it does get old....but it sure "HURTS" from someone "new" to hear that said. Makes me not want to post anymore.

    Susan B.
  6. homeskillet19

    homeskillet19 New Member

    Hi ,
    I am one of those that have not posted for awhile it has been months and well frankly it has nothing to do with the board it has to do with having a 17 year old daughter that I was going through some stuff with then it got to be to much putting my energy here and also there with her and also I have a handicapped brother that lives with me a 19 year old son and a hubby and now over the last two months I have taken in a friend of my daughters that had no place to sleep and a woman that has been like my mother for the last 20 years lost her house and her kids didnt come to her rescue so yes you guessed it she is living with me for about 6 months and not to mention the 3 dogs I have!LOL
    So you seen sometimes it is just that it is hard fighting these damn diseases and trying to keep a family together and yes I feel bad I have neglected my friends here but probably knowing it was not fair I had to put my energy where it is needed the most and that is my family and now extended family, so you see it sometimes has nothing to do with the dynamics of the board but with trying to maintain your life!
    Also Hon....if you dont get alot of responses dont take it to heart I have visited about 7 post already I didnt write anything because frankly I had nothing to say to help that person or it has already been said so ....I go to the next one because if you are like me and most are it hurts to type and so I have to limit where and when I do it, nothing personal!!!!!!!
    Your friend,
  7. Rain122865

    Rain122865 New Member

    I have been here since August (had to look at my profile) and when I first joined after about a week I hurt someone's feelings, I think. Still not sure, but I apologized and was not going to come back but I think this board is really great I just joined at a time that there was a huge upheaval. Needless to say I am still here the person who's
    feelings hurt was not even a "real" member...I don't think. As far as the same topics over and over I am guilty of that too. I use the search engine a lot but sometimes I forget it is there....duh...lol....like my burning tongue I posted last week, someone else posted today about a sore tongue and when I was reading that I seen the check the search engine message from someone. I didn't check there first...I forgot until today that it was there again..lol. Could we maybe have a post below the webmasters that says remember to check search engine for previous post on your current question? I know it sounds really dumb...but I need notes all over the house so I don't forget things...one here would be nice too not only for newbies but for us that CRS
    {Can't Remember Sh*t}. Just a suggestion. As far as friends go I think that anyone that wanted to join a group on here would be warmly welcomed....thats how I got into trouble..I jumped in the sandbox to play.....they didn't boot me out or throw sand in my eyes! lol
    Hoping everyone has a great day and remembers we are all here for the same reasons and have a lot of the same problems.
  8. ruthiepie

    ruthiepie New Member

    behaving myself.....my grandma always told me....keep your mouth shut and your ears (or eyes in this case) open and you'll learn a lot!!!!!.....and I have learned a lot and I am still learning from this board (very informative and funny sometimes)....I guess the reason I don't have a problem here is because I am a loner...always have been, but and if I need or want to talk, I know there are a lot of good folks here that will accomadate me and that is one reason I like it here so much (beats the heck out of TV)....besides, I didn't see anywhere in the rules, when I joined,that I had to post a certain number of times.....there may be more of us here than you realize!!!!....if I feel like it and have something to say, I post....if I don't, welllllllllllll.....who knows who might be lurking around your "puter" screen......sitting in the corner, keeping their mouth shut and just playing with their mouse....hehehe....hahaha.......that little laugh felt good.....God Bless you all.....
  9. sofy

    sofy New Member

    Susan if you want to feel like you know people you have to respond to individuals in a personal way. I have had people do that to me and I almost immediately feel a connection. After a few posts with a personal twist you get a sense of someone and they you. If you dont seek that you wont find it. Those of us who find the lighter side of life an important healing factor go to the chit chat board. Some prefer the less personal, more info approach of this board. Neither are right or wrong, just different.
  10. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    I've been here almost 2 years now, so have seen every question that can possibly be asked and seen almost every answer that can possibly be given. Yes, I think you are being a little too sensitive about something that you are probably misinterpreting. (sp) Just answer the posts that you can and help where it's possible. That's all you can do. Don't waste precious energy getting upset over nothing. People leave here because they want to and it's their decision to do so. I stay because I know so many gals here and have become attached to them. Stopping in here every day is akin to running down to the local coffee shop every morning to just say HI to everyone!

    P.S. Why should YOU feel hurt because I said it could be boring here?? The way I feel has nothing to do with anyone else here, and certainly should not govern how YOU feel here. You have to be an individual and not let MY comment or mood determine YOURS.

    Marilyn :)
    [This Message was Edited on 12/11/2002]
  11. lisjhn

    lisjhn New Member

    IMO, it is cliquish. I've been here since April I think and I used to be scared to say anything for that very reason. I needed somewhere to go for support and without this message board, what would I do...therefore, be careful what you post?????

    I tend to leave for awhile when this stuff happens and come back again when I'm ready just like another member had posted. That seems to work best for me. It's true about the "closeness" (if you want to call it that) that certain members have with each other and you'll notice they take on a gang like attitude on other people a lot of the time. Just go down and read their posts and you'll get a feeling of what tone they hold. Not the support I need either.

    But I do need some support and I still get that from some of the members here and a lot of the newbies. There are other websites to go to if people don't like this one so it's not like we have to stay if we don't feel welcome either.

    And as far as new posts being boring and to have to go through the search engine to check to see if someone has already posted on that subject....what would be the point? That would be called a website, not a message board. We get new information everyday and new people visit everyday so any new information, regardless if it has been discussed or not, is very valuable to me. Plus other peoples opinions, new or old.
  12. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Whoa there girl! That gang attitude left this board a couple of months ago when Shirl single handedly swept through here and cleaned house. Gang stuff isn't tolerated here and never will be again. Just because some long-standing members here have developed friendships and agree on some things and aren't afraid to voice their support of one another, in no way insinuates there is a "gang" thing going on here. There's nothing wrong with getting close to others on this board, in fact, for some of us, this is the only place where we DO have freinds. I think you are interjecting something here that is totally NOT in existance.

    Marilyn :)
  13. mightyslo

    mightyslo New Member

    Don't be afraid to speak up or ask a question. You can't search all the past posts for all subjects.

    Its a good idea to keep your comments to yourself if it's just designed to stop people from offering ideas, because you're not helping. Read the prior comments for the one who is insulting you and your likely to see lots of insults.

    Without ideas this board is pointless. You're just going around in circles. Encouragement is important in any reply made. No one should post to tell someone they have a problem or are wrong. We have enough of that.

    No one got any further just reading the manual and no one here needs to be slapped on the hand either.New ideas are the only hope we have for a cure and sometimes the cure is found by someone who is not even in the medical community. So everybodys opinion counts!
  14. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Many of our older members are returning and I am happy to see them back. Many of us have taken breaks when we have had devastating personal problems which have consumed our lives.

    This message board cannot possibly be all things to all people. I believe it is the best place to come for support and info regarding our illnesses. The Chit Chat Forum is a fun place to get away from our aches and pains for a bit and even have a laugh or two. I wish I had more time to spend there. The Worship Forum is filled with wonderful people who believe in the miracle of prayer and give so freely of themselves. We have a wonderful caring and loving group of people who just happen to be very sick and despite being sick, keep on keepin' on through the pain and fatigue. We are all heroes and heroines.

    We are also human and sometimes our illnesses can make us oversensitive and can alter our perceptions. It is easy in a group this size to feel left out or get our feelings hurt. When we feel this way, I think we need to take a reality check and see if our feelings are based in reality or illness. I hope all our members feel valued. We each contribute in our own ways and according to our own capacities.

    Love, Mikie
  15. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    Whoever said I don't feel like my own person? I was simply repling to the posts. I'm not a bit upset over anything. I am a person posting here at the board and when a comment is made like "Booorrring" to the info that's being posted, it doesn't hurt just me, it hurts alot of other people too.
    It makes a person who would like to post stop and think twice..."what if they think my comments are boring too? Maybe I won't post I will just sit back and listen" (That's not a good thing because the great part of being here is the interaction.)

    Yes, that's being sensitive. But when you don't feel good it's hard to be otherwise. There are alot of lurkers that don't jump in until they feel comfortable and comments like those "don't" make a person feel comfortable. I know you didn't direct a thing at me, but I think anyone new is nervous to make a post anyway. I also think the great thing about a board like this is the personal touch. Looking up info on the search is a great idea, but maybe that peron still wants to feel a part of the group....you can't get that from reading old posts. I'm sure you have made alot of freinds by asking the age old questions too.

    Softy...you have been very sweet. I agree making personal responses is important. I have posted to others and others have posted back. I guess I have felt a bit bad when I have tried to directly ask a person a question (I've tried it 3 times) and the person never responds. So with not feeling good today and feeling like my past attemps at personal posts went unanswered by several people, I am a bit sensitive, I admit it. I really do appreciate all that goes on here and I honestly have learned more here than I have anywhere. And YES...SO many people did post back when I first arrived it felt great.

    ssmarilyn, I do feel your comments were shot back with defensivness. Take a look at all the capital YOU...YOU...YOURS...ect that you posted to me. Insinuating I let other peoples comments guide my moods. No, I was just trying to say how it feels to a new person on the board making a statment(in answer to the post). When you make a generalized statment like "boring" and I'm sure those age old questions are (I bet you asked them too though)....other people get hesitant to post as well, not just myself.

    Enough said on my part.

    Susan B.
  16. BonBons

    BonBons New Member

    Guess I didn't know the older group, but I really like what Sofy said about them maybe feeling better. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Sofy, I can always imagine your kindness and positive light from your posts; they wear a smile. And before anyone thinks I'm showing favoritism, I really don't mean to. I know some days, as Mikie said, I'm ready to fight or cry with anybody for any reason at all simply because my tolerance level is rock-bottom and my pain level sky-high. I try not to take things personally, but hey, I'm human too. I am really sorry that some of you feel left out; please let us know (as you did; thanks! that's hard to do and nurtures stronger connections)I respond best to the direct, "I need this, I feel that way" approach. Thanks for the guidance Mikie. Love to all. BonBon
  17. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    The capital letters are to put emphasis on those words, so please read them aloud to yourself and you'll see what I mean. I was not being defensive, just explaining how I see things. I think we can all feel free to express ourselves here without being called "defensive". To be defensive would mean I felt guilty about something, and I don't. :) Yes, this board can be boring for some of us that have been here for a very long time, but anyone that reads this thread will see that I said it is boring for SOME of us and not all. the people here don't get boring, that's for sure! It's not that hard to figure out what I meant and I'm sorry if you misunderstand. For newbies that are finding all this new info and support, it's a very exciting moment in their lives, but they also have to understand that a few of us have been around the barn a few times and have already gone through that excitement stage. Many here leave because they don't feel they need what this site has to offer anymore. This is a good thing, because that usually means they have improved and are moving on. I say KUDOS to them!!

    Marilyn :)
  18. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    at work and I never really had that many who truly empathized with me and my health issues, so when I found this site, I just poured out my heart and soul...I still do. I believe there are many people on this board MUCH more intelligent and experienced with this DD than I am, so I leave the ideas and research to them. I'll reply to their posts when I feel I have something worthwhile to say, otherwise I just read and put their ideas in my memory bank!!
    I am a nurse and I am a very empathetic/sympathetic person; a nurturer; a caregiver; a supportive, mother-type woman and this is where I shine. Plus, I have a sense of humor and I love to talk! So, this is usually the type of posts I reply to; ones that I can give a kind word or a gentle supportive hug to!
    This message board has been one of the most wonderful things I have found to relieve my anxiety and to prevent me from bothering my husband and friends with issues that they just don't understand. I don't come here looking for a cure or for reasons to be more anxious about *why* I have this DD~~~I leave that to the more intellectual go-getters!! I just want to be supported and support others and make wise decisions about my health care!! I LOVE the friends that I talk to online at this site!!!! I have e-mailed several and it is only natural for people in the same cities or people with the same occupations or people of the same age or sex or people with young children or people on the same meds/treatments or people attempting to get funds to live on, etc. to be drawn to one another. It is only natural and wonderful for newbies to just ask questions and tell their stories!!! I did and I bet you all did!! If someone had even hinted that I was being worrisome, I'd have *never* logged back on here~~I am VERY sensitive to criticism or what I perceive to be a criticism. I believe that we should just scroll down and if it is something that doesn't interest us, we should just keep on scrolling. I do know, however, that if I see a "0" by someone's post, I will try to say a word or two to them if I can, just to make them feel like someone cares. If I see that a person is crying out for compassion, I'll *try* to give some. Sometimes, I can't say anything, except that "I understand" or "welcome" to the board. I HAVE told a few newbies that the "search messages" can be very useful, even though I think it takes a lot of time to look through all of those messages and I don't always get a lot of info from them. I did this recently with all of the "Scott Davis" messages and it took me forever!! I believe the newbies are just so relieved to have someone to discuss this with and to search previous messages is like reading a book~~they aren't "personal" and don't give them the warm fuzzies they may need at that moment.
    We are sick and we are afraid and we are lonely~~this is a combination that precipitates hurt feelings and defensive outbursts. Forgiveness is so important. I *try* not to be hurtful and to bite my tongue if I think my response will be controversial. I pray I've succeeded. If I have ever hurt anyone, it was not intentional, I assure you...it is not in my nature to be cruel.
    Love and respect to ALL!!!
    [This Message was Edited on 12/11/2002]
    [This Message was Edited on 12/11/2002]
  19. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I am going to signal out Kady's post, it was just so gentle and understanding, and as for 'favoritism', no, I hardly know Kady! But her response in general was to me, what this board is really all about.

    One thing I would like to address, it is the repetition. It is so necessary to those who are new, for those who are in a Fog, or for just those who are asking the same thing more than once, because just maybe they didn't understand the first round of responses.

    I repeat myself over and over here, yes, to me I sound like a broken record! But hay, if my repetitious replies helps just one person its worth it to me!

    Is this boring? of course it is. But to someone new, its the first time they heard it and hopefully it will help them.

    If I don't have an answer to what they are asking(most of the time I don't), well I will simply ask those who I do know have the answer to please help, and they always do.

    I know nothing about the medical field, but a lot of these ladies and gentlemen here do, and they always step up and answer a question when they are needed.

    I have been here almost two years, can you imagine how many times I have answered the same question? I doubt if I could count that high these days! But you know, this is the first board I was ever on, the first time I ever used a computer (never owned one before), and when I need information about this machine, I usually get it right here from the board members who do know, and I have never been refused or made little of because of my lack of knowledge either.

    As for 'Cliques' on this board now?? Ha, that is history. The people here are here for anyone who seeks help, and friendship.
    As has been said before, certain people gravitate to others they have more in common with, or the personality they like. No clicks, just people being people.

    I see the young mothers here looking for other young mothers like themselves to ask how do they cope, thats just natural. The few teenagers here do the same thing. So do the animal lovers! Hay, I could talk about horses, dogs, and wildlife all day long and forget my pains, thats how much I love those animals!

    I cannot even remember lately anyone here getting 'slamed' or just ignored! There are posts that go unanswered, I honestly look for the ones that have no responses, and try to answer them even if I am not familiar with the subject, or I will bump the post up if I can't do anything else.

    As for the old members leaving, thats life. Maybe they feel very well and are living their lives outside of the board, or found another board more suited to their needs, or like someone said on this thread (sorry forget the name), their family life got so busy that they don't have the time to devote to the board like they did before, or just wanted a change. Who knows?

    I do know this, when they decide to come back and just join in like normal people they are more than welcome to do so.

    As for voicing your opinion, I have no problem with that, and I doubt if anyone else does either. Most of what I have to offer is exactly what I do and take to keep this Fibro under control.
    I do not have a problem with any other treatment that you might want to share.
    I will read it, and of course I have the choice of trying it or disgarding it. Just as you do. I would not discount that it is helping you, but it may not be for me, and that goes for what I take too.

    Mel pestered me for 6 months to try ZMA, well I am skeptical so I simply cheated myself of sleeping for that length of time by not taking the man's advice.

    I hope you realized that all of us are simply trying to help others and ourselves too.

    You are no more important that anyone else, and anyone else is no more important than you. We are all equal here.

    The Chit Chat board is what I call a safe haven for many of you, it has the greatest bunch of ladies there, they welcome anyone who comes their way that is in need of a little fun, or if you are sad, need a prayer, or just want to chat without feeling that you want to be serious about your ailments. If you have not tired that board, I highly recommend it.

    As for Maria, I think she should be doing fine, and knows that she is wanted here as well as everyone else.

    I did not want to respond to your post, but I did, and I hope that everyone has gotten the air cleared now.

    So lets get on with what we are here for, to help one another and quit the imagined slights.

    Shalom, Shirl

  20. opala

    opala New Member

    ...I would just like to through my opinion in here....I am new to these message boards and have probably been guilty of not searching before posting.

    However, I have seen nothing in the way of cliquish behavior, or ganging-up on anyone....I have found nothing but kindness and understanding here. I really appreciate everyone on this board. Not just those who have answered my questions, but the folks who have posted in the past, for the incredible wealth of information available to someone who is new to this DD...as well as hope, comfort, and support...knowing that others are experiencing the same thing as me....

    It is a wealth of advice as well as a place to vent, to learn, and to get help when you feel like there's nobody to turn to who will understand your problems, fears or frustrations.

    Let's not forget that.