hate my boring town, want to move away, but too tired w cfs

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bigmama2, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    hi. just wondering if anyone else has this dilemna. i live in a small city in pennslyvania. born and raised here. lived away in college then after. moved back to my hometown at age 31. sometimes i really hate it here. it's boring, depressing, and small town mentality (ie closed minded and very conservative). i have always been more liberal and like urban things.

    if i weren't sick i highly doubt i'd live here. i don't fit in w many people here because of my non-small town views and interests. this town is full of nursing homes and empty factories. it's an ok town if the only thing you want to do is raise a family and go to church and soccer practice, but not much else. (nothing wrong w that, but its not my interest.)

    my parents and brother are here and i am close w mom and brother. brother also has CFS. he also really dislikes this town, and would not be here if he didnt have cfs. my brother is like my best friend. i ask him to move away, but he is too sick. i dont know how i could move away by myself w cfs. (my cfs is medium- i do have some trouble taking care of myself- keeping up w the basics of living). i feel trapped.

    i try to take some interesting classes to meet people, but either the class is cancelled becasue noone else signs up, or everyone else is like 40 yrs older than me. (old people are fine, but i would like some friends my age!)

    i can't win- i am going crazy- and venting here. if you were familiar with this area you would understand what i mean. i know this post is very whiny, so please bear with me. i am very depressed about how my life is turning out. all aspects of it. everything. it is a nightmare. i am fat, sick, bored, angry, bitter today.

    my whole life i have been very social and had plenty of friends that i had alot in common with. but as year after year w cfs goes by, i do less and less, and lose friends becasue i cant keep up. everyone is busy w their spouses, kids, careers, hobbies, etc etc. i am busy w doctors visits and bloodtests, and sleeping. the thought of living the rest of my life like this, and in this town is veery depressing.

    anyone relate? kind word only please - i am already crying.

  2. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I have a suggestion for you hon......you did not mention if you own your place or rent...so Iam going to assume you rent and if you do not I apoligize :)..

    Ok there are HUD subsidized housing apartments AND HOUSES in every state.....I do not know the exact rules for each state but Iam wondering if you could decide a place you would find more suitable for you and perhaps including your sweet brother "bless his heart":)

    .....you could also apply for help with things you need as well......like assistance doing shopping, dr appts, things like that ...that are hard for you....I do know for a fact that each state does have HUD and section 8 ...now it could take a while as most of them do have some waiting lists..but at least you would have something to look forward to....

    If it makes you feel any better I have lived where I do for 20 years nest month...when we moved here it was only supposed to be for a year or two.....

    basically we are stuck because of the housing market....where we live it has never been good and we have in all these years never been able to make what most people do on a home to be able to get out .......

    I know what you are saying.....I do not want to live where I live either.....and I hope and pray that someday soon I can be able to follow my dream and be able to move somewhere I do really like because life if too short to live somewhere you just do not like!

    Please look into the HUD programs like I mentioned ....and get your name on the lists...if that is possible....if you go online and find a place ( or already know of somewhere) you can apply there.....

    it will be a change that will make a big difference not just in location but in your heart!

    Cheer up sweetie....we are here for you and we understand....if you do contact the HUD agencies let me know how it goes?

  3. wangotango

    wangotango New Member

    i am from a small town as well in epper midwest missouri, population 6000. i lived in kansas city mo. until i got sick with cfs in 2000 then moved back here due to cheap rent. i am 48 and single and when i have a energy spell there is nothing to do . at 9 pm the whole town is shut down with 1 quick trip open and that is it.

    i miss the city and want to get back to it, but for now i try to read , play my guitar watch movies to keep from going crazy. good luck bill m in trenton, mo.
  4. Gingareeree

    Gingareeree New Member

    I'm just wondering,what kind of critter is that your'e holding in your profile picture?!?
  5. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    thanks for all the comments. sounds like some of you are in a very similar situation. rough, isnt it.

    i will write more later, and answer some of the questions you all asked.

  6. annade

    annade New Member

    Sorry to hear you feeling so low right now, hope it lifts soon. Although I live in a large town in So. Calif., it really doesn't matter because I am so tired so much of the time that I really don't get out to enjoy the adventures that this big town has to offer.

    From your post it sounds like you are just plain tired of being sick and tired. I can totally relate to that! Lately I started taking a relaxation yoga class which has helped so much with calming me down and lessening the pain a bit. Not sure if your town has any yoga or meditation classes. I'm trying to get outside of myself and do things that give me pleasure without overtaxing my system (eg. planting flowers in my garden, painting pictures with my son, writing in my journal and watching comedy). Laughing always seems to make me feel a bit better.

    Hope you are feeling better today. Be kind, gentle and patient with yourself. I am sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

    My son saw your picture you have in your bio and he would also like to know what that animal is. It looks like a cross between a possum and a pig. Very interesting indeed!

  7. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Bigmama2 You just posted my life. I have been feeling EXACTLY the way you have. I live in a small suburb of Cleveland, very suburbial living here. All we have are pizza joints, fast food, and dollar stores.

    Your post is NOT whiny at all, you are being honest. And believe me, I come from one of these smaller towns as well, and it is bleak and depressing.

    We also have a lot of elderly living here as well. We also have a lot of beauty shops (go figure that one, LOL)

    I used to have friends as well, but they have moved away, or they just lead more busy lives with spouses, children, just like you described.

    A few years ago, I joined a singles group OUTSIDE of my town. Kind of a big mistake, these people were very ACTIVE, and with my condition (FM) I just couldn't keep up with them. I should have known, but I was desperate to get out a little, so I just quit after about 6 months, but I did try.

    I feel like like you when you mentioned that your friends were busy with hobbies and interests, all I do is go home from work, check my schedule as to when my next doctor appointment is. I do not have the energy for most hobbies and interests anymore.

    After seeing the doctor, accupuncturist, physical therapy, I am EXHAUSTED, then I drive home to this very boring and bleak town.

    Please don't cry, although I certainly understand why you do. Stay on this board with the most understanding and caring people around.

    Who knows maybe one day your town and my town will spice up a little, IF THAT DOES HAPPEN, LOL. Hopefully, we can both find the energy to embrace it. Hugs to you, Chelz.
  8. glenpr

    glenpr New Member

    I know that I would probably feel the same if it wasnt for my effexor. There is lots to do where I live, I am just not well enough for it. I went to a lupus meeting for the first time tonight, I hope to make some friends there. My main problem is having no friends now. I just hope that I may make some new friends in the same boat, just to be able to maybe visit for coffee or dinner.
    love glen
    [This Message was Edited on 03/20/2008]
  9. desertlass

    desertlass New Member

    I'm not in the same situation as you, but I feel many of the same things.

    Meet you on chat, and I'll give you a laugh.
  10. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Broadcasting really made a good point. I know a person who hated where he lived. He moved to where everything was "perfect". Only it wasn't. He was the same, only his surroudings changed.

    Do you know where you'd like to move to? If you'd really like to move, I'd research where you'd like to go. I bet you could find a way if it's something you really want to do. I'm making this all sound simpler than it is of course because of lack of time in responding this morning (sorry). As someone else posted - you're tired, you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't blame you.
    Take the advice of the previous posters - love the writing down what you'd do with a year left to live..
  11. lsaxton65

    lsaxton65 New Member

    i can fully relate to what you are saying. i too live in a town that i want nothing to do with. i have come to believe that the longer i stay somewhere that i don't want to be, the more physical problems i have.

    i have cfs/fibro and often thought it would be impossible to move away because of my fatigue and physical limitations.

    but in january i decided to become proactive against my illnesses and try to do something about it.

    i found the most amazing and promising dr that specializes in fibro/cfs treatment. i wasn't too optimistic at first because dr's never got me anywhere before.

    my new dr explained to me that cfs/fibro are not illnesses, but rather syndromes(group of symptoms) and that he was going to get to the underlying cause of all my problems.

    my dr ordered a packet of testing through Metatmetrix Labs. the cost was $1800, but luckily my insurance paid for every single penny, and man!!!...did it uncover a world of problems.

    it has only been 4 weeks since i have been taking a number of supplements(which take a while to kick in) in the last week i have gone from functioning 20% to probably 60%. i have seen a dramatic difference!!!!!!!!!!!:)

    i will be moving in 1 week and i am able to do so because i took action

    i hope you will be able to do the same. it takes time, motivation and of course energy...i truly think you will come around and start seeing a better and more productive life for yourself.

    i am rooting for you...keep searching and keep your chin up

  12. kbak

    kbak Member

    I hear you!! I'm in the same dilemma. I live in a small town in WY. My docs are 80 mi. away. Anything I need is that far away.

    My husband works in the area and is also in the fire dept. He refuses to leave. He said that moving may make me happier but then he would be unhappy. So I'm stuck. It breaks my heart when I see other spouses willing to do whatever to help their spouses, but not here.

    I'm sorry. It's a very tough situation. Only those that have this DD really understand how isolating this DD is.

    I wish I had answers. Hang in there.

  13. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    hi guys, and thanks again for your responses.

    rainbow- thanks for the "shout out". lol. i am happy to be close to my brother and mom, but it is also a problem because we are tooooo close (esp mom) but that is a whole nother topic!!!!!

    doxy- hello there! where do you wish you lived? no my bro does not see levine, he is trying the FFC. having a lil improvement- from cortef. btw, i do own my house.

    caledonia- yo! thats cool that you finally got to go to new orleans. (that is where i went to college- best 4 yrs of my life. ) very good advice about if on ly had one yr to live and a million bucks. i would definately get the heck outta here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NYC, baby. but in the real world, that would be obviously way to expensive! i should look into philly. (its only hour and a half away from where i am now) the wierd thing is that i think philly is also really expensive. and they have some BAD BAD crime.
    OMG!!!! i just checked philly real estate prices. unbelievably high prices!!! like crappy 1 bedroom condos for 300K and up. i even checked the suburbs and it seemed like any safe areas are still outrageous. fuggettaboudit!

    tab- 'sup, girl??!! i really related to your post. (i am fairly artsy myself. used to be a pottery teacher for my job) and i crave seeing new sights, learning new things, going places, stimulation. without that i actually get clinically depressed. its kinda a joke in my family- when i get super depressed- they say- "OK, we will drag you to an art gallery and then go eat some indian food"

    one of the hardest things that i was trying to say in my original post is how hard it is to make friends here. becasue i dont have stuff in common w most people here. the whole super conservative, tons of old people, and people here arent into trying new things. i mean im sure there are some other people here who id hit it off with but it seems impossible to meet them. the cfs sure doesnt help!

    broadcasting- good point. and yes, your point IS something to think about! i am concerned about it. will moving make my life any better. it couldnt get too much worse. i feel like my soul is dying/dead. sometimes i lie in bed for days w severe depression, lying there rotting. nothing to do, no friends to do it with anyway. (well that is an exaggeration - sometimes there are things to do here. and i sorta have some friends)

    babs- hello neighbor! thats great that you live in my area somewhere and you like it. i have always like cities and action! we are all different arent we?

    --- will write more later----

    [This Message was Edited on 03/22/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/22/2008]
  14. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    thats not me holding the varmit. its just some random foto my brother found and put on my profile, as a joke! i have no idea what it is. someone said its an opposum. so that is my best guess.

    babs- i live in berks county.

  15. beluvdlily

    beluvdlily New Member


    I disagree with people who say moving won't help. Sometimes I think moving can help a great deal with a change of scenery, frame of mind, etc. Just something new to improve your mental state.

    On the other hand, it's nice that you have family nearby. I, too, would like to go elsewhere but then think I would miss my family. Or at least my Mom and Dad.

    What to do, oh, what to do??? lol. Let me know if you figure it out.

  16. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    My CFS has improved alot lately and i was able to go to sarasota florida for 6 weeks. it was gggrreeeaaatttt. i know i am very lucky to be able to do something like that. it was so nice to be in a town that has stuff to do, now that i have a lil bit of energy to do it!

    see my other post about how im doing better.

  17. pawprints

    pawprints New Member

    Good for you...My sister lives there and it is very pretty.

    How did you find some place to stay?

    I would love to go somewhere for a change of pace.
  18. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    Houston is a huge, hot, ugly city that someone dropped out of an airplane about 35 years ago. Cost of living isn't as bad as other places, gas is still less than $4/gal.

    Houses are dirt cheap compared to the rest of the country and we have some big-arse houses. Here is my suggestion - we start an FM/CFS commune. We'll need a lawyer to help with all the legal mumbo jumbo - any lawyers out there want to help a good cause?

    We buy one of these big-arse houses and put our resources together(this is why we need the lawyer). The house MUST have a pool, hot tub, and jaccuzzi spa - very easy requirement in Houston. We can easily find a 6-7 bedroom house and squeeze a bunch of us in it. The only rule is the no one complains about what we CAN'T do. We hire a maid, a cook, a masseause, and a nurse if necessary. There is night life, culture, shopping, and great employment for those who can still punch a time clock. And the beach(albeit not the prettiest in the world) is but a mere hour away, closer if we buy a house in Clear Lake.

    What do you say?
  19. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    paw- i found a place to stay on craigslist (on web)

    texas- count me in!