HAVE YOUR FAMILIES TURNED AGAINST YOU?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by baanders, Jun 12, 2006.

  1. baanders

    baanders New Member

    People would describe me as sweet, gentle, caring, and patient. I came down with FM when I was 28...now almost 34. Ever since I came down with the illness, my extended family, in-laws and my brother have abandoned me. There has been a sense of hatred, anger, ignorance, and disapproval towards me. I've actually had family members yell at me when I explained the illness and why I havn't been working. It's almost like they blame me or think I'm making it up. They have verbally abused me, won't talk to me, won't write a get well card, or just call me. Anyone been there? How can I cope?

    God bless you all.
    Rebecca
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Rebecca, I can't say they've turned against me but they sure haven't turned toward me either.

    We have to be tough and that's hard. Here's a little something that got my attention and maybe it will help you.

    I got an email last week from my cousin's husband telling the list of addresses that "Annie did well in surgery for breast and ovarian cancer. That they hope that the radiation and chemo won't be too rough on her but that she's making hats just in case she doesn't like the "au naturale" look." Paul and Annie have been married just ten years. They married when Annie was 41, and she told me that they'd wake up in the morning and say to each other, "Aren't we LUCKY?!" Now they face this. They may face it together but it's Annie who's having radiation and chemo. And making hats.

    Oh yes, and her mother, my aunt just had a stroke yesterday and they're not sure she'll live. If she fails to rally, the kids must decide, per Auntie's wishes, when to pull the plug.

    I hope you take this in the spirit in which it's intended; I sure don't mean to discount your pain or your disappointment. But I must say, I think I'm OK.

    Hugs,
    Marta

  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have 3 daughters and one thinks that I really do have a reason for my pain and for taking pain pills but even she has doubts at times. The other two don't like the fact that I take narcotic pain meds. And to them and my hubby I am ADDICTED TO THEM!

    My brother thinks that I am making a big deal out of nothing. You can't hurt that much all the time. Right *** RIGHT. And my sister she likes my pain meds so they are kept in a locked box so she can't get to them.
    And the hubby well he is finally starting to get it that I HAVE REAL PAIN but he would reather I not be on narcotics as I have been on them for so long and have taken so many of them I have to be ADDICTED. But I am not. But it little good to argue with them. So I try not to mention how I am feeling.

    I wish that they would understand what I have and why I take the meds I am taking but they don't want to know they just want the OLD ME back.

    So I really do understand how you feel. Take care
    Rosemarie
  4. baanders

    baanders New Member

    That was wonderful advice that you have for me. Yes, to set boundaries. I have, but the nightmares (literally, at night) and panic attacks about it all still happen after all of this time.

    I applaud you for your beautiful attitude, for your lovely daughter sent from God. I grieve with you over your losses, especially your ex. My extended family is disturbed, except for a cousin who is a nurse, who "gets it". The rest of my aunts were raised poor coal miners daughters...all abused in Kentucky. I think that's why I have cousins that are so backwards and nasty.

    I will certainly continue to set boundaries.

    Thanks a billion :)
    baanders, AKA Rebecca
  5. baanders

    baanders New Member

    That was wonderful advice that you have for me. Yes, to set boundaries. I have, but the nightmares (literally, at night) and panic attacks about it all still happen after all of this time.

    I applaud you for your beautiful attitude, for your lovely daughter sent from God. I grieve with you over your losses, especially your ex. My extended family is disturbed, except for a cousin who is a nurse, who "gets it". The rest of my aunts were raised poor coal miners daughters...all abused in Kentucky. I think that's why I have cousins that are so backwards and nasty.

    I will certainly continue to set boundaries.

    Thanks a billion :)
    baanders, AKA Rebecca
  6. baanders

    baanders New Member

    I can't imagine what you're going through. You sound like a very kind person. You are a good person. We will be your friends and understand you. I used to be on Morphine. I hope one day they will understand

    baanders
  7. baanders

    baanders New Member

    I feel for you both. To encourage the single person, I met my husband on E-Harmony when I had fibromyalgia. I don't know if I recommend this or not, but that was one of the first things I told him on our first conversation on the phone. It didn't matter to him. He's always loved me anyway. And it shouldn't matter to anyone if their sweetheart has an illness, after all, anyone could come down with anything at any time in their life. I feel for you both. Only those that really love me call me. I've heard that if you can find 5 good friends in your life, you are a blessed person. So, I guess we can't help what family we were born into.

    blessings
    baanders