Having a bad morning

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Grandma6, Oct 15, 2005.

  1. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    Hey All,

    I'm having a really bad morning, (more than usual). I didn't sleep much at all and my body feels like I was run over by a Mac truck. I'm feeling guilty at putting my hubby and my family through all this mess. They don't complain but I know that have to be tired of me having to cancel out on things because I am in pain. There have been times, (this morning is one of them), where I really think I am having a nervous breakdown.

    I just don't have the energy to fight any more. It's like the FMS is winning and I want to give up. I'm just too tired to fight it. I am sick and tired of trying to swallow all these meds and then I still have so much pain. What is the use in taking all these meds? My hubby says that if I didn't take them then I would be hurting even more or may not even be able to get out of bed. Well, I don't know how I could hurt any worse!

    I just wish someone would hit me over the head with a 2X4 and knock me out so I wouldn't have to feel all this pain and my mind would not keep thinking of all the things that need to be done and I can't do them. I'm having the cold/hot flashes where one minuete I'm putting something warm on and the nex min I'm taking it off.

    My family does not deserve to be put through this and would be better off if I wasn't around.

    Do you all have times where you just want to give up? If so what do ou do to get through them?

    Please keep me and my family in your prayers.

    Grandma6
  2. Bruin63

    Bruin63 Member

    go through this terrible condition either.
    Please don't be feeling like your letting them down.
    I know we do that, feel that way, but we have to deal with this everyday, and we do Need our Families just as they still need us.

    I'm sure they Love you and would not be Happy if you weren't around, even with these stupid conditions, we need each other.
    That's the Important thing.

    Do what you can, and be supportive of them also, I find that works very well. I try to let the DH do things without me, so he can get out and have some fun, and be around Normal people for awhile.

    We didn't ask for this, no one did, and don't feel guilty about it, we all know how this condition, Steals so much from our Lives.
    So hold your Family close, and don't feel like they would be better off with out you, cause they wouldn't be, I have felt that way so many times too.

    Thank goodness we have the message board's, to talk about these thing's, I think it makes this Journey easier for us, and in the long run our families too,

    Hope your Sunday, will be a good day,
    Hug's,
    sharonk
  3. 1horse

    1horse New Member

    DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!...WE HAVE BAD DAYS AND THEN FEEL GUILTY FOR PUTTING OUR LOVE ONES THROUGH IT,BUT YOU REALLY SHOULDNT FEEL GUILTY,THEY LOVE YOU. I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND HOPE TODAY IS BETTER..ONE DAY AT A TIME.~HUGS~
  4. AutumnSkky

    AutumnSkky New Member

    I've been in bed for the past week. It really kicked my ass good last week and i've taken everything i have and then some and I'm sick of it too. I would have given birth to 12lb twins last week. Not to say that this week is any better for me. My ribs still ache terribly, thighs still burning and this shooting pain through my head is the best, But I guess I'm just mad enough at it today to say sorry today's my day.

    I'm gettin my biscuit out of bed taking a shower going to run to the store clean the house up a bit maybe play some gamecube with my little man and I know im definitely going to walk on the treadmill. Better do that first incase Fibro decides to put up a good fight against me. Make dinner and have the day I'm suppose to be living not just the one I want to be living. GO ME!!!
  5. sassykat

    sassykat New Member

    Oh Boy do I understand how you feel! The guilt is the hardest thing to overcome, but I'm sure it's just a feeling that you have and not your family. As bad as we feel about ourselves, they love us and would rather have us anyway they can that not at all. So please don't ever feel that they would be better off without you. It's just a bad period you are going through right now, but it will pass. Try doing just a little something with them...like watching a movie together, or a board game. Even if we can't participate in vigorous activities with them, we can try to do something together. As for all the things that need to be done...they will all be there when you feel up to doing them! My prayers are with you.
    Hugs...Sassykat
  6. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    I know you're all right but I guess I just got up with that "I can't take it any more" attitude. My son & his wife are giving us another grandbaby in January and we are suppose to get with them sometime today to see the new 3 dimensional sonogram they had done this last week. I want to see it so bad but had to cancel on them yesterday because of the flare-up and I don't want to do that again so I am hoping we can work it out today. Now with the new baby coming I'm afraid that I won't be able to help out as much as I want to and I hate that. This is their first and they are so excited.

    Also, Thursday is when I go in for my colonoscopy and tomorrow I have to start on the liquid diet for three whole days before the surgery and I hate that.

    I hate it becauee usually the grand kids and I are making their Halloween Costumes and we make cut out sugar cookies, carmel apples, popcorn balls and we always take them to the Pumkin Patch but with this weather change I am all flared up and can barely get around the house. I just hate having to break our "traditions" and I love to see their little faces light up when we get out each ones special aprons to bake. Their ages are 7-6-5-3-1/2 which is a fun age and they know that Grandma has days when she is hurting but they don't rally understand. They are so important to my life.

    I guess I'm just having a pity party for myself and I hate that. I should have titled this post "I HATE THAT.....

    Hopefully unloading on all of you will help me get throgh it.I am so greatful to have such an understanding Family as all of you and I know that I can invite you to my "Pity Party" because you will understand what I'm going through in a different way than my home Family.

    Thank You All....I can feel your prayers coming through.

    I hope this party doesn't last long.

    Love & Gentle Hugs,
    Grandma6
  7. Dee50

    Dee50 New Member

    Good morning!
    I too am feeling like you. For me the extreme pain after time places me in a limited thinking mode I do one or more of the following:

    Filtering-tunnel vision

    Polarized thinking-black and white thinking

    Overgeneralization-general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence

    Mind Reading-snap judgments about others

    Catastrophizing-what if thoughts

    Magnifying-emphasize things out of proportion to their actual importance

    Personalization-directly comparing yourself with other people, the tendency to relate everything around you to yourself

    Shoulds-you operate from a list of inflexible rules about how you and other people should act

    I get into these patterns without knowing it as it happens so slowly. I'm sharing them with you because the conection is new to me.

    Sometimes I will slip into 3 or 4 of these patterns! Always when I'm in great pain and stressed out about something like the holidays.

    If I can identify the pattern of thinking I'm doing sometimes and I can stop the downword proccess- feeling the grief that turns into guilt that turns into anger which spells more exhaustion for my already exhausted body...

    It is so easy to write this stuff out but...it is very hard for me to recognize which patterns I'm doing so I can stop the damage early into the pattern so I don't get sicker. I know it is key to my well being :)

    Oh, yes the holidays are here! I'm not saying that you are doing any of these patterns I'm sharing with you about ME and what EXTREME PAIN does to me. The circle I'm suck in and trying hard to get out of.

    I too have been dealing with this CFS/EBV for years and I'm just now getting this grief-guilt-anger-more exhaustion link figured out with the help of a great female counsellor, she is in her late 60's.

    I wish venting worked for me but...it sometimes only makes me worse I don't undedrstand why.

    Take care and please understand I'm not talking about you in this post I'm talking about me only and what I'm doing to NOT be more exhausted.
    Dee50
  8. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    (I'm a grandma, too!)

    I could have written that post this morning. I'm feeling just like you, a waste and a burden on my family and society in general. Dee's post was good...I agree, but my feeling don't get in line with my brain most of the time.

    I do hope you will take comfort from the expressions of support here, the support of your family, and the hope that someday all will not be this bad. I'm sorry it has come down on you like this today and pray things will begin looking up.

    Take care,
    Sue
  9. motomom412

    motomom412 New Member

    focus on getting thru today. Don't let this stupid disease get to you like this. You take control over your mental well being, it won't be easy but you can do it! Just remember that your family loves you, we love you and God loves you. Your family would rather have you here with all this junk, than not to have you at all. Get mad!! That's what helps me, I just tell this damn disease that it' not going to control me!! Anytime you need to vent you can come here and do it, anytime you need a shoulder to lean on you can come here to do that. You're never alone! Just take it one day at a time.

    Love ya!
    Reg
  10. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    You have written just what I am feeling today..My family is now out eating celebrating my daughter's 41st birthday and I could not go..I hate to put them thur this and I hated to miss it...

    I honestly think they don't believe I feel this bad..Along with the aches, pain, and horrible fatigue I am having nausa, chills
    and feel like I can't go on..That my nerves are shot!!!!

    I feel why take meds sometimes I think they help and sometimes not...

    I wish I had an answer for you but all I can do is tell you I can feel your pain,
    guilt, and am clueless as to what to do to help either of us.

    My heart breaks for you and our families..I will say a prayer for you..

    HUGS, greatgran
  11. Yucca13

    Yucca13 Member

    What an incredible grandma you are to do all you do with your grandchildren! It takes such a lot of energy to do those things. I know how it is to have the desire but a body that hurts and won't cooperate.

    I don't see my two grandsons very often. They have a wonderful mom and she keeps them very busy with activities. They are about three hours away and we rarely go to visit.

    I don't understand the ups and downs of these chronic diseases. One day I might feel fairly normal and then wham for days I feel like crap - no energy, depression from hell and just find it extremely difficult to get to the next better day. At least you know we know what it is like here.
    Hope you get to feeling better quickly.
    Val

  12. Empower

    Empower New Member

    It is OKAY to feel defeated some days....

    Try pampering yourself to you feel a little better

    I read your profile, and I too was diagnosed when then called it fibrositis. This was in 1992.

    I had a really horrible month in September and just wanted to throw in the towel

    For some reason, October has been a bit better, I think because the humidity hasn't been bad

    Just remember, things could always be worse. We have to try and think this way

    As for the hot/cold flashes, my husband thinks I am crazy...I crawl in bed with a sweatshirt FREEZING, and within 10 minutes, I am taking it off sweating. I feel a little crazy sometimes

    Hang in there and here is hoping that better days are ahead!!
  13. sassykat

    sassykat New Member

    Good Morning Grandma!
    I just had to write as one fibro Granny to another, to tell you how I envy the fact you are getting a brand new baby! My grandkids are 11,9,and 6, and I'd give anything to be able to hold a new one all over again. i know how bad you feel about not being able to be active with them, I feel the same way. But what I find I do on those days is something that my limitations will allow, something that doesn't require as much energy. You can get them to color a wonderful Halloween picture and tell them there will be a prize when they are done, then give them a little bag with goodies in it. Kids are wonderful that way...as long as there is an activity, they're happy. They are blessed from the get-go by having such a loving, caring Grandma, that they will enjoy any time spent with you. I hope today is better than yesterday, and tommorow better than today.
    Sassykat
  14. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    bump

    I have swallowing problems too but I guess I never related it to my FMS and I've had it for 20 years.

    What really causes this? Do yu know?

    Grandma6