Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by another_painful_day, Jun 30, 2004.

  1. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Since I lost my job last thursday, I have been dealing with ALOT of anger, resentment, fear and extremely low self esteem. Today, after stretching the buck in our accounts paying the bills, I lost it. Going over the finances and paying what little bills I could pay was the catalyst to my break down. I broke down in front of hubby and told him I was PETRIFIED of getting ANOTHER job where Id be mistreated and misled to believe that "everything was ok". If theres one thing I am learning its that nothing is a sure thing in life.

    I had relief fron the Fibro for the past few weeks and now for three days straight I am in agony, Im exhausted, and I cant stand what I feel right now.

    I was so upset today I couldnt breathe. The feeeling and onset of such an overwhelming anxiety attack and panick attack was a feeling I havent felt in a very long time. My husband looked on as I fell apart and lost it. He didnt know what to do other than everytime I told him what a loser I am and what a bad person I must be, what a failure I am, he told me that I was a great person, how much I deserved so much better, and how much he loved me and everything would be ok. I cant begin to tell you the fear I feel knowing that financially things are going to be really tough for us.....emotionally things will be extremely difficult for me because of the fact that fear is paralyzing me at this point. I am still reaidng my book "A Purpose Driven Life" and it does help me striaghten my thinking out, but today it was not help. When I lost it in front of Hubby I sobbed and I wished horrible things on my ex-boss and his wife. Im NEVER like that....I truly believe when you wish horrible things on another person that it back fires and happens to you. I also KNOW IN MY HEART that a true and a good Christian would NEVER say what I said. And I also know that a good Christian would be able to hand it all over to God and not sit and worry as I am doing so much of. These things I am ashamed of admitting to all of you, but I need to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

    Everyday I ask God to just take over and take control because I am weak and it is not in my power to try to control things that are meant to be left up to the Lord.

    If I am asking God every step of the way for his help and I am handing everything over to him every second of the day then why am I struggling such a great deal with all this that I can not control?

    Can someone PLEASE tell me what I am doing wrong? Someone please tell me how to deal with my anger, my self-esteem issues and now my lack of trust for ANYONE in the working environment? I have been thru so much with the past 2 jobs that I feel so defeated and it has changed me in the worst way. Can it really mean that I am truly a failure?

    Im at my end of my rope. I cant stand the way I feel or the bitterness that haunts me and destroys the goodness in me. How could I possibly go on feeling this horrible?

    Im praying every possible momment I can think of...shouldnt I feel some sort of peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of inner spirit?

  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now. I pray for things to improve and for you to find some peace.

    Love, Mikie
  3. Montysmum

    Montysmum New Member

    I am so sorry you lost your job, the feelings you are having, the anger etc are a normal reaction & not something you need to beat yourself up about. It is called Grief, the stages of grief are what you are experiencing, & you are entitled to feel them !
    Continue to commit it to God, ask Him to help you get through this, I know He will. I will add my prayers to yours, as will many others here, you are not alone, so I know God will hear & answer us, on your behalf.
    Take time to relax, do deep breathing, think of something calming to lesson the panic/anxiety attacks, don't allow Satan to get a foot hold, he is dying to use this situation to his advantage.
    You are not a failure, just think of all the things you have accomplished, one set-back doesn't mean you are doomed. It is daunting having to go back & find another job, but hopefully something will turn up. In the meantime don't allow yourself to think all those thoughts about how worthless you feel etc, everytime they pop up think something positive instead. ( I should listen to myself too!) It is easier said than done.
    Hand over the bitter feelings to God, He is the judge, His ruling is what counts. Every time you feel those bitter thoughts about your employers, pray for them instead, ask God to help you forgive them, the more you pray for them, the less bitterness you will feel for them.
    I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/30/2004]
  4. NewEnglander

    NewEnglander New Member

    It is you Who will bring her out from under the yoke of bondage and free her from being a slave from anger and fear. You have redeemed her with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. You have taken her as Your own, and You are her God. You are a father to her and will deliver her from the past that has held her in bondage and translated into the Kingdom of love, peace, joy and righteousness..
    Oppression and destrution shall not come near her.
    She is more then a conqueror through You who loves her
    In Jesus name I pray
    luv lisa
  5. PrayerWarrior316

    PrayerWarrior316 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through so much.

    When disaster strikes, God is not far off. He is near you. He understands our pain, our anger, and He feels what we feel. When we are alone and are sinking into our private pain He is hurting with us and reaches out to us to help us up to see His wonderful Light. When we are besieged on every side by every spiritual enemy, God is at war with us, fighting the good fight along side us. Jesus said, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." John 14:18

    I will certainly be praying for you.

    Blessings, Judy <a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/17/17_1_22.gif' border=0></a>
  6. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    I appreciate SO VERY MUCH your advice and your prayers. Im still "cycling" thru my emotions. I did find "some" peace today, even though it was slight, it still was "some".
    I had a rough night of sleep. But the one person I can count on is my hubby. Although he got to bed after his long day at work at 1:30am, he was awake with me and doing his best to ease my fears and get me to sleep. Unfortunately, because of his seizure disorder, the less sleep HE gets, the worse off his health gets and its not good for him the Neurologist said to us. His memory problems were magnified by 100 today because of his lack of sleep. I feel guilty about that. 90% of the time he never knows that I have been up thru out the night. Last night I was tossing and turning and he knew I was awake and my head was running out of control. SO there he lay with me talking to me and doing what he alwways does best and thats staying positive. Too bad I wasnt blessed with that ability. What a wonder attribute to have!!!!

    ANyway, here I go rambling again.

    Thanks again everyone. I believe in prayer...I also believe that the enemy lurks everywhere around us just waiting for the opprotunity to take control. Im weak right now and Satan seems to be doing his best to weaken me even more. BUT...nothing beats the power of prayer and he has no power over God...therefore, I will continue to pray and keep my faith.

    HUGS to all!


    (P.S. my 11 yr old daughter ended up getting stitches in her knee tonight...please say a lil prayer for her speedy recovery if you dont mind....shes so upset ebcause they all just started Lake activities here and now shell be out of the water for a few days...poor thing!)
  7. dash

    dash New Member

    Don't have the energy to type much. I'm running on empty, but I am intercede for you.

    God bless,
  8. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`m sorry to hear you lost your job. I will be praying that things improve for you. I always believe things happen for a reason. Maybe there is something else you need to be doing instead of that job.

    Love and light,
  9. Bearzie

    Bearzie New Member

    I'm sorry things are pretty tough right now. I also beleive things happen for a reason, we can't always see what that reason could possibly be, but eventually the reason is revealed to us.
    Maybe now is a good time to evaluate if you are REALLY able to keep on working at that particular type of job, or would a differnt type of job be better, or to evaluate if you are able to keep working at all or is it time to look into social security disability?? (I truely know how difficult it is to surrender to this disease and give up a career. Probably was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make) I certainly don't know but it could very well be a good thing, in the long run, that you lost that job.

    AA, who gave the world the Serenity prayer, has another saying that is very befitting but hard to do sometimes. That saying is "Let go-let God"

    Big gentle hug {{{{Diane}}}}
  10. Noz

    Noz New Member

    i'm sure even good Christians feel like this at times, I know God will forgive you, he can see how sorry you are, & he knows that none of us is perfect.Leave things in Gods hands & you will see, perhaps now you have lost your job then something better will come up, it did for me when I lost mine, it may take a little time though so be patient & use the time to strengthen your faith.
  11. jill5050

    jill5050 New Member

    True Christians are human beings- we know we can always ask our Father for forgiveness. That's good news! I like the advice above about praying for the people you are bitter toward, that will turn the tide for you.

    I have been dealing with satan on my heels too. I lean on like-minded people. I feel like a toddler beginning to walk, someday I will be strong enough on my own! The Lord is on our side, and we will perservere!

    Blessing to you,
    [This Message was Edited on 07/02/2004]
  12. jolly

    jolly New Member

    I'm so sorry things are so hard. The other night, a friend and I were discussing material things like housing, food,etc. and we asked,"But, even if we didn't have these things, would we still trust in God?" We both had to agree that we would.

    When you look at what's happening in Sudan and other miserable places in the world, even in our worst situation, we are so much better off than so many people. It's all relative.

    I tried to do what you're doing with raising your kids, his kids, etc. and I failed so miserably. Ended up sending his kids back to mama in Cal.

    Even at your very worse, you're probably better than most, and your husband sounds like a true delight. You stop putting yourself down and thinking that you're not enough. You ARE enough. Jo Ellen