Having children with FMS

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by opala, Dec 7, 2002.

  1. opala

    opala New Member

    I would really like to start a family someday. I'm newly diagnosed with FMS, and I'm still cracking the surface of research on it.

    Can anyone tell me if you've gotten pregnant since you've come down with this? Is it a bad idea? I know I'd have to stop taking all meds....but I'm afraid of flare-ups and how the pain might affect a pregnancy.

    I also worry that once I had a baby, I wouldn't be able to care for him/her due to the constant overwhelming pain.

    Any advice?
  2. opala

    opala New Member

    I would really like to start a family someday. I'm newly diagnosed with FMS, and I'm still cracking the surface of research on it.

    Can anyone tell me if you've gotten pregnant since you've come down with this? Is it a bad idea? I know I'd have to stop taking all meds....but I'm afraid of flare-ups and how the pain might affect a pregnancy.

    I also worry that once I had a baby, I wouldn't be able to care for him/her due to the constant overwhelming pain.

    Any advice?
  3. Stormy214

    Stormy214 New Member

    all I can give you is personal opinion. I have three grown children, and it wasn't until they were in their teens that I was diagnosed with FMS. Some people are tougher than others, and some people want a family so badly they are willing to do whatever they must to get it. If you are of that nature, perhaps you could do it. For me, "bad-a**" that I am, I personally could not deal with pregnancy and childrearing in the state I am in now. As I said, I'm not qualified to give advice, only offer what I know is (or would be) right for me. I'll say a prayer that you find your way through this thing...it is such a tough decision!
  4. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    I have fallen pregnant with the three children I currently have ALL whilst I was suffering with this DD.
    I am currently pregnant with no.4
    From what I have seen & read, alot of women go into remission whilst they are pregnant. But relapse shortly after.
    On the other hand, some like me get worse. To be blunt we nearly lost our 2nd daughter at 21 weeks pg, because my body simply 'crashed'
    My life at the moment is chaos & I am finding this pregnancy extremely hard to deal with :(
    I have a wonderful husband that does more than his fair share of changing nappies, housework, bathing children, night feeds etc... Not to be rude, but if your partner/dh would not be willing to take on these responsibilities, then I wouldn't even consider having a child.
    I honestly could not do it alone with one, let alone the three I have.
    All in all the decision it ultimately yours.

  5. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`ve had two children while having the fm and it was do
    able. I felt better in some ways while I was pregnant and
    many women do. When I was feeling wore out, I just had to
    go to bed and rest till I felt better. It wasn`t that bad
    for me. It depends how bad your fm is also. If its really
    severe, wait till it lets up. I did that between my 1st and
    second baby. I waited 3 years because I was feeling worse
    in between there.

    As far as taking care of them, I do a very good job at that.
    I can`t be supermom but I do what I can for them so they always feel very loved and taken care of. They are both
    very happy, healthy,well behaved kids.

    If you really want to be a mom, don`t give up that dream.
    A lot of us here have kids and you can do it too.
  6. opala

    opala New Member

    Thank you all for your advice. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful, understanding, loving husband. He already has an 18-year old son from his first marriage, who lives with us. But I've been thinking about wanting a baby of my own. My husband was really concerned about how it might affect flare-ups (especially going into labor), but also, I've had two miscarriages and we really aren't sure I whether we should try or not.

    I am so happy to have found this board...it's like having an online support group. I appreciate all of you guys.
  7. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    ...from my research of FMS, genetically, the "experts" feel the tendency to get FMS is an autosomal-dominant trait. Therefore, if a mom with FMS has children, the odds are that 50% of them will develop FMS at some point in their lifetimes. I have personally seen this happen over and over while running my support group for ten yrs. We helped the mom's deal with the guilt they felt when a child was dx'd with it. Most of them got pregnant before it was known that the genetic predispostion for FMS is passed on, so they really had no reason to feel guilty, but they felt horrible anyway. Makes adoption sound real good. However, this gloomy prediction did not differentiate by gender, and I feel the chances would not be nearly that high for a male child.
    It's a tough decision and I know you'll make the right one for you.
  8. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I had two pregnancies while sick with FM, the second one was a twin pregnancy. I survived, but it was not easy. I did NOT feel better during the pregnancies. My children are now 13, 9 and 9, and my husband is divorcing me. It is a hard road for us. Consider how you would manage if your husband ever decided to leave you. However, if I had it to do over, I would have my children again, they are wonderful. Good luck, whatever you decide.

  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Is struggling with this question. My Mom had FMS, I have CFS and FMS and both my daughters have FMS. Many report feeling better while pregnant but with symptoms returning after giving birth.

    Love, Mikie
  10. Jen F

    Jen F New Member

    CdnGirl, i could not find the discussion from last year, I guess those posts that old are deleted or elsewhere, too bad it was quite an involved discussion with many representing both sides of the debate.

    But, above are some posts advocating for and against, hopefully it helps you make an informed choice.

    Jen F
  11. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I have read so many posts here from women who felt wonderful while pregnant and went downhill permanently after their child was born. The posts from sick women with small children are heartbreaking. I was very fortunate that I didn't get sick until my daughters were adults, but both of them have FMS.

    My older daughter cannot seem to have children. My younger daughter and her husband are having discussions about it but neither feels ready to commit to raising a child. As much as I would love to have a grandchild, I hope they decide not to have children. My daughters are the third, and possibly fourth, generation with this illness. I fear my child will get sicker than she is now and that another generation will be cursed with FMS.

    Love, Mikie
  12. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    I have ALWAYS wanted to have children. It has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. But now, I have changed my mind. Who knows, mabye I will feel different in the future, but probably not. FMS and CFS are genetic. My mother and other family members on both sides have FMS. I do not want to continue passing in down, unless they come up with some cure or something in the next couple of years!

    Also, I know that I would not be able to care for my children in the way that I want to. I live with my sister and my 1 year old nephew. I can barely keep up after him or pick him up! I don't think it would be fair to try to raise them.

  13. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I did not have FM when my children were born, but developed it when my last one was three months old after having pneumonia.

    I don't even like to think what it was like taking care of them now that they are all grown.

    It would be hard for anyone to say 'if I knew' this was going to happen me, I would not have had children. None of us would like to admit that, or even think it out loud.

    So far, none of my children have any symptoms of this illness, nor do my two grandchildren. But who knows?

    I read where a lot of people say they go into remission while pregnant, but thats only nine months, raising a child is a lifetime job!
    Whats nine months of relief to a lifetime of care? I am saying a lifetime as most children these days do not seem to be able to function without parents for the better part of their lives, not like years ago when we because independent usually when we married.

    My last experience with having an infant/young child to care for was 17 years ago, I raised my grandson from birth to five years old.

    I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I could hardly lift this child, and when I did, I had to settle him and them go to bed untill the pain eased enought to be ready for the next feeding, changing, etc.

    Fortunately I am a disciplinarian, which makes for good babies, play pens, swings, bed were the norm (no WALKERS!). Not chasing him around the house all day long, neither did I pick him up and hold him for hours.

    This was the same way I raised my own last child too. I played with them on the side of the playpen, and the baby bed. I could not get on the floor and play, nor hold them for any length of time. The stroller was the big thing for outdoors, then my back would give out with that after a short period.

    I noticed that no one went into their daily experiences here, but the night feedings were the easiest for me. I did not Sleep! But that was part of the illness, just became an asset in a way.

    It was no picnic in the park, it was hard, damn hard to raise children with this painfull illness.

    But the bottom line is, you have to make your own decision.

    If you decide, I hope you have a great support system lined up from your family. You will need it.

    I had a Nanny that came in a few times a week with my own children, but not with the grandson. My family did help, but not the help I really needed. No one can be that much help to others, others have their own lives to live.

    More than any other members on this board, my heart goes out to those with young children, even more so than the young that have this, as they have parents to care for them.

    Good luck, and I do hope others will be honest with you too.

    Shalom, Shirl