Having to defend myself and this dd

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lilac123, Dec 8, 2005.

  1. lilac123

    lilac123 New Member

    Hi every "body",

    Like I wasn't haven't a hard enough time lately with a flare and insurance questions. My hubby decided to "talk" last night and made absolutely no sense! I felt like he was questioning me being sick with this fibro and I had to defend myself and meds. etc. I have tried to get him to read the board here or go to the doc with me.

    I was doing pretty good for awhile and went into a denial stage myself a bit but then wham! I knew and remembered how real this all is. It is almost like it is an inconvienence to him when I don't feel good. He can get obsessed with the sex thing if I put him off when I don't feel good. Sounds real selfish huh? I don't know just really gets me thinking and wondering how I can handle this if I don't have the support from him. At least some kind of concern or acknowlgement. Not, questioning about my meds. The jist of it was he was saying he didn't believe in anti-depressants that it is all in your head and how you think about things. Yah, Right! I didn't even try to argue that it is a chemical thing. He and his family have always been very anti-doctors or medicines. They think it's all a big scam or something. Oh, and then he tried to compare the pain I was describing to his tennis elbow that he had surgery for. (???)

    I don't know, just needed to get this off my chest. It really hurts and makes me mad at the same time that I would have to try and explain it all again and again or defend it all. It is not like this is something new, I have been dx and unable to work since 3/04. Also just approved for my disability. Seems like that would convince him this is real and not just I feel kinda bad sometimes. I"M SICK!!

    Sorry so long just wondered how any of you handle things like this. I always get such wonderful support and answers here. You are all so wonderful.

    Prayers for all of us suffering with this!
    Lil

    I think
  2. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I am sorry you are going through this

    All I can say is it is very very hard to deal with this disease, because to most, it is "invisible" so they think we are making it up and exaggerating.

    I used to be Miss Energizer Bunny, the fastest runner in my class, just a real go getter. Now I am lucky to be able to go to the store.

    It is a struggle every day. Just try to remember the good days that you have (even though they are probably few)

    Take Care
  3. kaydee55

    kaydee55 New Member

    My husband was just like yours. When he started to see Ihaving trouble getting out of low chairs, getting off the floor, he started to believe me. Sometimes it's better not to say anything than try to defend yourself. Does your husband try to take central stage if something happens to him? To have people feel sorry for him?? My husband does that and I say to him,"try to have what I got!" My own mother dosen't listen to me when I tell her how I feel. I don't see her for 3-4 weeks at a time because I just "don't" feel good or am too tired. She tells my siblings that I am not there for her. My dad has passed 5 yyears ago. She has her favorites and I am not one of them. I work shift work and sometimes 12's. I walk to work and when I come home, sometimes I don't have the energy to go over to her house. She complains alot and prob. thinks that I am faking some of this! I know I put on some pounds and tried exercising but it must be glued on because it won't budge!!! Sorry to go on and on. I get so frustrated when trying to explain what I got! I tell them to look it up. I can't even get disability because I work too much.
    Karen
  4. minimonkey

    minimonkey New Member

    Sometimes my husband gets it, and sometimes he just doesn't. It doesn't help his understanding that I have really good days, when everything seems just about normal, and other days when I am completely useless. It is hard for him not to take it personally when I don't have the energy/too much pain to do something we wanted to do together. It is really hard on our partners -- I know that is small consolation, but I really don't think anyone could truly understand this if they haven't experienced it themselves.

    It also doesn't help that my father in law is an old-school physician who doesn't believe in these dd's.

    That said, when I woke up at 4 am with a 10+ migraine 2 nights ago, husband got up with me, held and soothed me, and cleaned up my vomit when I couldn't make it to the bathroom (sorry for the visual, but I thought it was really sweet of him). I was in so much pain that I couldn't function, and I could tell it really hurt him to see me suffer like that.