Healthy People Don't Get It

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hippo, Jan 11, 2003.

  1. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Hi. My sister-in-law just called and said she is coming to visit tomorrow. I said, well, just to warn you, the house doesn't look that good. And she said, make your kids clean it up. For those of you who don't know me, I have nine-year-old twin girls with ADHD/ODD/OCD, and I can't get them to mind very well. We struggle on a daily basis. She said, well, INSIST that they clean up. And I tried to explain to her that I am so sick that I sometimes can't make them mind. And she totally didn't get it. Also I have been trying to tell her for years what is wrong with me, and she claims she has "never heard of" CFS/FMS. She is not even interested enough to look it up on the Internet. I have always felt that she thinks I am making it up, but is too polite to come right out and say so. I know others of you are struggling with the same issues, thanks for listening.

    Hippo
  2. amaryllis

    amaryllis New Member

    I completely understand what you are saying here. I try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt when they offer solutions or advice and just remind myself that they do not understand this DD. But it is always sad when people close to us not only do not understand, but just do not care enough to try.

    Gentle hugs to you, and a smack for your sister in law. Until they walk in our shoes, they probably never will get it, but know that here, you are among friends who do!

    Peace,
    ~A
  3. VickyB

    VickyB New Member

    I have stood at the sink with dirty dishes and cried because I was soooo tired and in so much pain. My 3 kids just look at me and go watch TV and play video games. I try to talk to them, give them allowance but nothing seems to work. I just gave up, I am too tired to fight it anymore. My kids say why do walk so slow-I have learned to tune the negative comments out and do the best that I can.
    I totally know how you feel hippo-don't feel guilty about a dirty house that only makes it worse. Good luck, Sleeper01
  4. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    I would tell her I look forward to seeing her etc. but under your condition of having children with conditions being addressed and your personal issues, a stay at the motel-6 sounds good to you and you would be glad to visit her over a burger at the DairyQueen! CactusLil'
  5. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Thanks to everyone for their kind responses. And to Cactus Lil, I should have made myself more clear. They are not staying overnight. They are dropping by for an hour or so on their way to somewhere else. I actually ASKED my sister-in-law to come, because she said, if you ever need help, I will come and help you. And I told her I needed help. The reason I did this is because of my extremely poor health and my kids' psychiatric disturbances. Not only do I need all the help I can get, I was afraid that if something bad ever happens with my kids, I just KNOW she will say "Why didn't you tell me how bad things are?" and this is my way of putting her on notice that things are EXTREMELY bad. For those of you who don't know me, my husband is divorcing me and is claiming I can work and is trying to cut off our support. Very stressful, and my health has taken a nosedive. I can't work even part-time, and could be looking at becoming homeless if my Ex can persuade the Judge to his way of thinking.

    Hippo
  6. selma

    selma New Member

    If it matters how your house looks to others, you aren't respecting yourself and your selfworth. People should be grateful that you Allow them to be with you,and have your wonderful company. I'm grateful that I can answer you.
    Smile, Giggle and have good times. There are people without homes. If a $20 bill got dirty and crumpled, it would be worth the same. Your worth is priceless you are not put on this earth to give reasons to others about how your house is and why. Do you see how silly it is to care about that. Hopefully no-one is dying. Love yourself.
    Love from me, Selma
  7. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    And to Selma: I just like to WARN people that the house isn't going to look good so they won't be surprised. Also I should mention that, due to divorce, we just moved from a beautiful high-end house into a tiny condo, and I know my MIL and SIL are going to be shocked. They have never been here, and I didn't want them expecting anything plush.

    Hippo
  8. karen55

    karen55 New Member

    As I understand it, you had to move because their son/brother is divorcing you. You owe them no explanations for where you live in the first place; they are supposed to be coming to see you and your kids in the second place, and if the lack of order/cleanliness bothers them, then THEY should offer to clean for you. You don't have to justify or make excuses to anyone. If they cannot handle the truth of your illness and your kids' problems, and if they are only giving you lip service and are not sincere about wanting to help, then you don't need the added stress of them in your life right now. Just my opinion. Take care of you.

    Karen
  9. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Well, they're coming tomorrow, for better or worse. I was just trying to cover my butt as best as possible. If they expect my house to look like a dive, hopefully they won't make any catty remarks. And we will see how sincere they are about helping. Thanks for your input.

    Hippo
  10. karen55

    karen55 New Member

    I hope your visit goes well today. And if it doesn't I hope you can look to others for support and help when you need it most.

    Karen