Hello all.... I havent posted in a while

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by CrazyLadyR, Apr 27, 2002.

  1. CrazyLadyR

    CrazyLadyR New Member

    I just realized that I dont post on the Worship board when things are going well. I guess because I use to go to Counseling every week until the 15th of April. My counselor moved to another State, and I havent met my new counselor yet. Dont know if i will want to continue at this point.

    Anyway, I have been trying to make lifestyle changes. Trying to eat better. Trying some herbal remedies for my FM, and increased exercise a small amount. My body is mad at me for all this. I only exercise 3 days a week, but by Friday, I have NOTHING left to give. I am in sooo much pain, it is ridiculous. I just started taking some herbal things for the pain, and it isnt helping much. Anyway, my husband has been kind of "why arent you feeling well today"? Well, I told him from day 1 of my exercising, that we are all going to go through a time of "transition", and I have to learn my physical limits, and will probably "drop the ball" around the house and cooking more than usual. With the kids and him depending on me all the time, they are going to have to really put forth an effort to care for themselves. I cant do it all and deal with the extra pain that exercising is causing right now.

    So, today, (Saturday), I strained my neck while getting dressed. I dont know how exactly, but I have not had full range of motion all day, and lots of pain. So I was very immobile, and putting hot/cold on all day. Well, my husband tend to get "b***hy" when he has to do housework, and he starts getting on the kids. Not yelling, but not being very "nice" about it either. The kids all have their own little chores they do when we need them to. (8,9 &12 years old). They have less chores than I use to as a child! :) Anyway, my husband never handles them with any kind of kindness when I cant do any cleaning or cooking. I tell him that he really doesnt have to act like that to get them to do their chores. He says that he has to act like that for him to have the energy to do things himself! This is a big issue for me, cuz with all my crap, I feel soooo bad, like everything is MY fault, because I am a housewife, and I cant take care of the house 7 days a week.

    I have tried to communicate with my husband, and he seems like he doesnt want to acknowledge that I have chronic pain. Its just crazy. I want to talk to him, but whenever I try, he gets defensive and I end up retreating.

    I know that all of this would not be happening, if FM had not come along. I have been with my husband for half of my life. I still love him, more than I did when we married. But I feel like I cant make him happy anymore. "Feeling mighty low", as Oprah said in "the Color Purple". :) I am trying to keep things in perspective, but its hard for me not to think that all of this is my fault!!

    I just had to get those words out of me. I wont be going to my new counselor for probably another week or two. And even then, its going to take some time before I can really open up and get back on track.

    I tried to look for a job on the internet the past couple of days, and I want so badly to work, but just those couple of days of research really was hard on me. I cant possibly hold a job even 3 days a week. I want to do something productive besides laundry and housework. I feel helpless. And alone, and my husband seems to be pulling away, right when I need his shoulder to lean on.

    Well, I need to get off here. My hands are giving up on me and I keep making mistakes as I type, so I am doing a LOT of correcting as I go. I am going to take some Valerian Root and lay down. Prayers for you all, and many blessings ~R
  2. toni.m

    toni.m New Member

    i just wanted to let you know i am goinfg to add you onto our prayer list, if Deena hasn't done so allready.
    please remember we are here for you,and i personally am in a similar situation, although i am not as'limited'in my abilities, if you know what i am trying to say.i do have a tendancy to push to hard to still get as much done as i can, and then of course, i pay for it later.

    feel free to vent whenever you need to,and i will keep you inmy thoughts and prayers.

    take care, toni.m
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi, glad to see you on the board again. Will keep you in my prayers also.

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. CrazyLadyR

    CrazyLadyR New Member

    I am slowly getting back up today. I am trying sooo hard. I guess my husband felt stupid for acting up on Saturday. He is in a much better place today. Prob cuz he has to go to work, and doesnt have to look at me frowning in pain! JK! :)

    I know that there are always people who know what it is that I am going through here. I dont like to get on here and whine though. I will come around more often than not. I will try to post when I have triumphs (not just post my defeats)!

    I knew for the past 6 months that I would have a hard road to travel when I decided to fight for my health. It was scary and I was taking my time. I didnt think I was ready. I have lived long enough to know that if you wait until you are ready, 90% of your life would be on hold. Ya just have to do it, on faith. Thanks for reading, and prayers. Blessings ~R
  5. deecrossett

    deecrossett New Member

    R, I am so glad things are a wee better for you. I will continue to pray for you and your Family. As there is Power in Prayer, there is Love all around you. Take care of yourself! Blessings, Dena