Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by another_painful_day, Dec 7, 2004.

  1. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Just asking that a prayer be said for all the things I am going thru right now...my plate is overflowing, I sat with my Minister day before Thanksgiving in tears for 2 hours and I have nothing left to give anymore. Im basically running on empty with no reserve either.
    Without going into boring details those of you who know me here know my daily struggles. I just seem to have hit the bottom again. Im sure Winter isnt helping because I notice my moods and energy level are really bad come Winter months and the Holidays.
    I have been having spiritual dreams again. This could be a good omen though...again face to face with Satan but in this new dream I wasnt scared at all of him. I just smiled at him and would repeat out loud "I rebute you Satan in the name of Jesus Christ".

    Anyway, Im dragging on and on again, sorry.

    I just really need prayer as I am so empty inside and feel as if theres absolutely nothing in my life to "look foward to". I was told by alot of my friends its because of the weight of responsibility I bare on my shoulders everyday, the stress overload, and the fact that I NEVER do ANYTHING for myself anymore...this is true. Its been a long time that I have given myself "me-time"...hence the reason for the empty tank and no reserves. Heck I cant even find time to come on the message board that much anymore and this place was my salvation half the time.

    Thanks for listening.

    God bless all of you!

  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    When we are at the bottom of our reserves, we need to rest and ask God to help us. I pray He gives you the strength to endure the struggles you are going through.

    Love, Mikie
  3. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    most people don't have the extra pains etc. what we have.

    I haven't been on this board for awhile as I've been dragging myself out of a hole. You are right about not taking care of yourself....giving yourself permission to "play" and enjoy what you like to do.

    I read on your bio that you write children's stories and also do watercolors. Have you done anything about looking for an agent or submitting your story to a publisher?

    I've started to read a book by Joyce Meyer, "Seven Things That Steal Your Joy. Overcoming the Obstacles to your happiness". She gives biblical references throughout. I'm getting a lot out of this. See if you can find this at your local library or bookstore. I'm adding a quote from her introduction which I thought helpful. She talks about enjoying life.

    Quote: "You can begin by saying outloud, I'm going to enjoy my life. Now say it like you really mean it: I AM GOING TO ENJOY MY LIFE. Until you get that thought established in your mind, every morning when you wake up, before you even get out of bed, I encourage you to declare out loud, I am going to enjoy this day! I am seizing the day! I am taking authority over the devil, the joy thief, even before he tries to come against me. I have made up my mind that I am going to keep my joy today."

    I realized that I had lost my joy and that anger and depression was part of the problem. It's hard when you have children to take care of HOWEVER, they're old enough to each have their assigned chores to help the family. It's unfair when everything is put on the shoulders of one person and most mothers take this upon themselves. I know that I did this and I had no one to blame except ME.

    I'm praying for you. That you find strength and your own purpose in life. Take care, Nancy
    [This Message was Edited on 12/08/2004]
  4. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    I know I need to transfer some things to the children to do and take care of. They pretty much have some chores daily and they put away their wash and make thier beds, change their own bed sheets, etc. They have even helped in the yard this fall. My hubby is an angel when it comes to helping around the house, even though its "not the way I would do it" but at least he is a helping hubby...I am blessed there thats for sure.
    Where I am so overwhelmed is feeling like I dont have a partner sometimes. You see, Hubby has a memory disability from a severe car accident yrs ago. Then after he had 2 Grand Mal seizures in Feb of this year and started taking anti-seizure meds it has really madde things worse and the Neurologist said theres nothing that could be done that the meds have a tendency to make things a little worse for him.. Frankly, I have discovered that his "common sense" isnt really there as well...and I mean this seriously not in a maliscious way. I have noticed that he doesnt think "logically" and its difficult for him. After a few times arguing over certain issues over and over and over again (the same issues, repetetively) I finally realized he wasnt doing them purposely, that I really truly think he cant tell the difference because of his brain damage. Anyway, without dragging on about that, after sitting w/ my Minister Ben recently he explained this to me.... "Diane, your house needs a leader and unfortunately Rick doesnt have the capacity to be the leader and that is why you have to be the leader for your household....I know its difficult for you, but its what needs to be done....". I sobbed with head in hands and told him how exhausted I was...emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. Im exhausted Im running EVERYDAY on empty and not sure what keeps me going half the time. For the most part, as far as parenting, I feel like a single mother of 5 because my hubby acts like a child at times (purposely and by accident depending on what the matter may be). Because of my hubbys disability, he is like a fifth child because I have to take care of him as well. Im also VERY alone when it comes to disciplining which is impacting alot of the issues worse when it comes to the children and respect in our household. Again, I find myself asking myself "could it be part of the disability he has? or is he this entirely clueless when it comes to raising children????".
    On top of all this my step-son has learning disabilities (he is classified SLD and ADHD)and its been a struggle this year in 4th grade for him which trickles down into causing havvock in the household as well. I have been fighting the town for the proper help for him and its been a losing and frustrating battle that I have been fighting all alone because Hubby doesnt have the capacity to take care of any of this for my step-son. Again, all on my shoulders.
    I love my husband and my kids and step-kids very much so...but there are days when I have really hit rock bottom and wanted to leave and never ever come back...just sort of "disappear without a trace". Theres other days I want to curl up and hope that I will never wake up to see the light of day again. Im not suicidal, I just need a break.
    These are only the tips of the iceberg. Theres days that I am content...theres many many others where I feel so beaten and broken down that I do not know how to face another day feeling alone, isolated, and like a programmed robot day after day feeling like I am running incircles and accomplishing absolutely nothing.
    Come SPring I will have my surgery on my stomach April 11th. How can I possible feel comfortable being in bed for a week or two incapacitated without feeling like nothing will get done or things wont be taken care of because Hubby cant really handle certain things. Yes, he can shop, clean the house and do wash.....but as far as cooking and child rearing, thats an issue. So...here I finally decide to take care of myself and go thru with this surgery that I was suppose to have 4 months ago, and yet I am very concerned about the way things will go.

    WHEW!!! Can I take a breath yet???? Enough said. Sorry this is long. Just trying to shed light on whats up.

    ok...well...thanks for listening AGAIN.

    I feel like I hit a rock wall doing 150 mph today.

    [This Message was Edited on 12/08/2004]
  5. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    37 years and I understand you completely. Only difference, he functions well at work and at home he turns off his brain. I always was there for our 3 children as they were growing but he always seemed to be elsewhere in his head. I would suggest that you turn more to your pastor for guidance and other women from the church. Tell him about your upcoming surgery and that you are asking for help from the church when that time comes.
    Steal little bits of time for pampering yourself. The girls especially are old enough to understand this.....maybe even get them into it by playing "beauty shop" on Mom. Make it a game that you all can have fun with.

    God bless and strengthen you.
  6. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    I will be praying for you..Wish I had some
    answeres but I can relate to some of your
    feelings. My prayers are with you and your

  7. me123

    me123 New Member

    Hi! Just want to say I am in much pain today. I want you to try and enjoy this Christmas. Just remember Jesus was born and all the hope He has brought to you and everyone. He died for you. If you were the only one He would have come and died for you. May this bring you some comfort. You are special. He loves you and we do too.