Hello Im new here

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by debd58, Oct 21, 2003.

  1. debd58

    debd58 New Member

    Hi All,
    My name is Debbie, I am the caregiver for my mother who is 63 and had sudden death in the docters office, thank god they had a defibrilator in the office, we have gone through about 6 years of horrible times, she died and was brought back some 5 or 6 times in the years, just draining!
    In 1999 she had finally been placed on the Heart Transplant list and we were so happy but she had just gone through an episode that we were told she would not come home with us.So we just prayed and thanked the lord for giving us that little glimmer of hope. Well 11 days later we were making the drive to have the Heart Transplant.She came through it like a champ. It was just miraculous how the chain of advents happened.
    well we are getting ready to celibrate her 5th RE-Birthday(they only gave her a 5 year life span back then)and her Heart is just wonderfull. BUT she has gotten steriod induced ostioperosis and has ostioartheritis.Her memory is very very poor and she is now in an electric wheel chair.
    She was just put in the wheel chair and I cannot find anyone that will help me build a small porch and a ramp so she can go outside.So she is pretty much confined to the house except for Doc appointments and I have to stay right with her and hold on to her or we will be having hip replacement next and I dont want that.
    I am now finding myself after all these years starting to get really annoyed with her.I have no patiance and I hate that, I love my mom and I am the only one that is there 24/7 for her.I have been diagnosed with Major depression and placed on disability myself now.I do have an AIDE that comes in 3 times a week for 3 hours but it just seems like I still am getting so burned out.
    Does anyone have any coping skills they c an share??
  2. WorriedDaughter1

    WorriedDaughter1 New Member

    Deb, you have reason to be burned out. 9 hours a week is not much given the care needed.

    If it were me, I'd check into resources for respite care on a regular basis. You deserve it and it will help your mother by preventing your burn out.

    Also, surely there is a church in your area that would build a porch and ramp for her. Call around...there's a youth group out there somewhere looking for a mission project.

    Vent often...it's good for you. Good luck.

  3. debd58

    debd58 New Member

    I will call around to the churches, but im not real good at asking people to do stuff for me like that.But maybe if I offer to atleast pay for the wood (which would still take me a couple months to put together) I would feel better about asking.
    Also I really thought that If I asked for more help other than the 3 hours 3 times a week they would tell me to put her in a nursing home which Ill die in hell befor I do that.It would probably be all taken care of finacialy which is a really good thing.Gosh if I could have someone in the evenings sometimes I would be so greatfull.What "she" really needs is someone that will take the time and play games with her and try to get her interested in her crocheting again, she doesnt do anything but sleep and set for 4 hours everynight from 8 to 12 and watch the tv, same shows everynight. It gets so boring for me and I feel so bad if I want to go to my room and work on something or just go to bed early, so I dont because the only time she is up is in the evening and even with the lifeline she forgets she has it.
    She had the lifeline on at one point about 3 years ago and in the morning I needed to go take my uncle to the docter and he lived about 1 hour away from us, she was fine when she went to bed and by morning when I returned home(I left about 7am) about 11am she was so sick that she couldnt move, got her to the hospital and she was septic, the docter told me that had I gone to lunch with my uncle like he wanted me to she would not have survived the infection.She had her lifeline necklace on and forgot she had it.So I am really afraid to leave her alone for that fact and the fact that Im afraid she will fall and I wont be here, her ostioperosis is really bad.

    I will call her case manager for passport (that is the program she is on thru the office on ageing) and see if she cant bump up the hours for the aide so to include some evening hours also.Heck maybe I can get an occupational theripest or something comprable.I know she needs some kind of stimulation or she is going to mind and body whither away!
  4. HarpoftheSymphony

    HarpoftheSymphony New Member


    All I can suggest is that if you can scrounge up an hour or a few minutes in your day, just take it alone and meditate. Relax your thoughts or escape to your fantasy land or pray. If you don't have a refuge you can go to, don't worry, it will come.

    I'm sorry to hear about your stress...Just know that there are people who care and acknowledge you are trying hard.