HELP!!!!!!! advice please!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by PamelaJoy, May 24, 2006.

  1. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    My daughter has a 15 yo girlfriend who is chronically fatigued most of the time. She complains to me regularly that she is tired and isnt relieved by long hours of sleep. She is often ill with respiratory infections. Lately she has been failing to follow through with activities with my daughter due to her feeling too tired. She tells my daughter something is very wrong with her. I talked to her mother about our concerns and she became angry towards her daughter, accusing her of being a hyperchondriac and she is just fine.
    We are going to take her with us to Hawaii for 2 weeks as her parents bought her plane fare about 6 months ago.This fatigue problem is getting worse along with her almost all of the time illnesses. I feel badly for this very sweet girl but when this is brought up to her mother i get a very negative response. I e-mailed her mother info on CFS and it resulted in her becoming very angry.I am concerned about taking the responsibility for her when I am not able to communicate with the mother.
    Please help advise!!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/24/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 05/24/2006]
  2. gladone

    gladone New Member

  3. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Thank you for your uplifting response! I do hope it works out for us all. We are a very active family and do a lot of activities while on vacation. Although my daughters friend hasnt been diagnosed, I do feel that she exhibits a lot of CFS symptoms. We love her as she is a very dear girl. She refuses to take vitamins though, which I am a strong supporter of- past nurse w/ specialty of preventive medicine. I just pray her Mother comes around and takes a better attitude towards her daughter instead of denial and calling her hyperchondriac etc....
    All I can is pray for her at this time!

    Pamela Joy
  4. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Thank you so very much for the detailed advice. I so agree that this needs to be brought to the parents attention. For right now the mother is not speaking to me because I e-mailed her information about pediatric chronic fatigue.
    So I am going to cool off for now, but will save this and send it to the parents at a later date. I just am so concerned about having their daughter join us on a two week trip 5000 miles from home.
    Thanks again for your time and trouble
    You are very kind!
    pamela joy
  5. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I honestly think the child will be fine with you on this trip.

    With a Mom like must be hard and stressful to grow up there and I'm sure a few weeks of a break could do her a world of good.

    I'm sure she's looking forward to the trip too.

    She's also old enough that if you're doing something else, she can sit quietly by the beach with a book and be just fine.

    Which part of Hawaii are you visiting? I used to live on Oahu for 3 years.

    Nancy B.
  6. dleaning

    dleaning New Member

    I cannot believe her mother being that negative about her own daughter!! What a shame that the poor girl can't even rely on her own mother. Think the mother is in denial???? Thank God she has you!!! I would keep trying to help her if I were you. The poor thing!!!

    Good luck and tell her she is not alone!!!!

  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    a medical release form so you can get her medical attention and you will not be held liable for anything...

  8. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    She may need to nap in the afternoons. I always feel the best if I get a 2-3 hr nap. When I first get up from it is the best time for me. She has already told you she has to sleep up to 10 hrs at night.

    I dont want all of your plans ruined, but this may take alittle patience from your family and she may have to sit out on something. Her youth is in her favor and Im sure she is looking forward to getting away and what a place to go!!!!

    Have a great time

  9. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Thanks! We will be at the Hanalei Bay area in Kauai!
    Yes, I am sure she will have time to rest by the beach, but my husband does not want to leave her behind anywhere. Not a good idea for a young girl these days.
    I am worried that she will catch illness, as it seems over the past 6 months she catches horrible respiratory infections and fever at least 3 weeks out of the month, and my daughter has picked them up from her. I try to keep my daughter well supplied with vitamin c etc ...But it would be a shame to have her vacation dampered by an illness as they are sharing a room. It is a risk we will have to take now that her condition seems to be mostly ill.
    We all as family will have to do the best we can to prevent cross contamination.
    I always use Zycam on my trips along with Airborne and it seems to work on our entire family preventing viral infections via traveling. Unfortunately this other girl refuses to take these things-has somewhat of a stubborn nature along with sweetness! lol
    Wish us luck!
  10. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Thanks for the advice.
    Yes she will need her naps I am sure. It would be cruel if this is really CFS and she is forced to go out when she is not feeling up to it, as it may worsen.
    Her Mother naps everyday for a couple hours and has firbromyalgia as well, so there is not doubt that her daughter may have the same condition as her mother. I just think the mother is in denial and is acting out as anger.
    It should soon pass and hopefully the mom will get over this denial and find help for her daughter.
  11. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Yes, I should have both parents sign. As the mother is very unstable with her emmotions and it is hard to know from day to day how she will react to normal situations, let alone medical emergencies!
    Thanks for the tip
    Happy day to you!
  12. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Yes, the mother is in denial. I am sure for her own personal guilt. She yells at her daughter and calls her names and teases her terrribly.
    The daughter told her to stop the teasing as it is hurtful and she continues because she says it is in fun and she takes it wrong!
    All I can do is continue to care and love this dear little person whom is growing into such a beautiful young women!

  13. hopeful4

    hopeful4 New Member

    It's so wonderful that your daughter's friend has you in her life. It is very frustrating to be unable to get through to her mom about her health.

    I used to be a school social worker and have a suggestion for you. Can you contact someone at the school about your concerns for this girl's health and well-being? Is there a school nurse, a school social worker or counselor, even the principal?

    The schools I worked in had people like the above. When a child was brought to our attention, we would look into it, most often as a team.

    There could be other problems going on in the family that are causing the mother to be so closed. Sometimes intervention by the school "care team" is helpful in getting through. You could also provide someone there with the article that is posted above, it could help.

    Good luck, you're doing a great job.
  14. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I would NEVER want to imply that it's ok to leave a 15 year old girl alone in a place she's never been before...but....

    Now that I've said that, there is less crime on the islands than the rest of the states. It's kind of amazing too but being an island, it's kind of hard to get away if you do commit a crime. They usually always catch their criminal. (But it's been 10yrs since I lived there too)

    I'm probably thinking about the islands differently than those who visit, because I used to live there. But running around constantly can be a waste of time.

    The most interesting thing to me is the natural wonders that are free, beautiful and everywhere. Take time to relax and enjoy them.

    The pace on the islands is slower than most people are used to, enjoy it. If you rush around, you'll miss some wonderful moments just enjoying the beauty of the islands.

    Depending on where you're flying in from, you'll probably wake up early at around 3:00 in the morning so a nap will probably be needed by most of you anyway. Don't be afraid to nap, it'll make the rest of the day more wonderful if you can sit and enjoy a nice evening without being overtired.

    I always encouraged my visitors to get the trinkets and gifts for others first so they wouldn't have to spend the entire vacation searching for a Hawaiian key chain.

    Like someone else mentioned, please get a signed note from the parents giving you temporary authority to make any medical decisions that are needed during the trip.

    I hope you all have a wonderful time,

    Nancy B.

  15. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    You are soooooooooo sweet to explain all this. I really agree with you and it gives my husband another perspective to deal with if we have to leave her behind in the room. She will have her own hotel room with my daughter. I am so sure she will be fine! And you are so right, lttle crime on lttle islands!! My daughter is very understanding of her and I think she is lucky to have her as her closest friend!!
    We actually love to enjoy the natural beauty and make shopping a last priority. My husband is a Palm society and he loves to hike and go to the botantical gardens. We do a lot of snorkeling too and take boat excersions. We do relax some but I have to say we do take advantage of as much exploration of the island as possible. Two weeks in Kauai will be better as our pace will be slowed down some.
    My daughter , husband and I really do get up very early like 5am (we are from California) and we are out and about soon after. We rarely feel tired until it is almost bedtime. I know we are unusual....
    I have never been able to nap, even when I am sick and my daughter is the same. She would never sleep if she was home sick from school. Once the sun is up that is it!
    My daughter and I have Fibromyalgia and we take Magnesium malate along with Calcium and many other antioxidants that keeps it under control. I just pray it never developes into CFS. But I am a firm believer of nutrient supplementation to combat so many ailments. I worked in preventive medicine for many years and have helped many a patient recover from a wide array of problems through nutrients and better nutrition!
    I am rambling!!! you are very kind and I really appreciate you pouring your heart out to caring for others too!
    Love, Pamela
  16. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Yes I have thought about that! Being a nurse myself I do think it would be wise to talk to the school nurse.
    She is failing some of her classes and this is such a shame.
    Mother may come around hopefully. No good deed goes unpunished.... but, maybe this will later open some doors!
    I am hopeful too!
  17. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Sounds like something is going on.Take her on vacation and enjoy her company it will be good for her.Tell her mom you need for her to take a medical card in case of emergency and a power of attorney in case its needed if she gets hurt or can usually get these special POA from your (her)bank free.All it is for ,it gives you permission to take her to the doctor or hospital if there is an emergency.It will be a legal document and notarised.
    Anyone traveling with someone else's child should always get this type of power of attorney specially traveling out of country.These usually give you that right on the dates she will be with your family.I would tell her the travel agent told you about the need for a power of attorney.
    Then play it by ear.If all goes well when you get back talk privately to her school counselor about your concerns .Be sure to tell them her mothers attitude about the child's health.They can request she be seen by a doctor because of their concerns about what ever her cough, fatigue or what ever they think.
    Personally I as a parent would be concerned about a childhood cancer. This mother is very lacking in common sence.Thank you for caring about someone else's child.We need more mothers like you! It does take a village this child is very lucky to know you.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/26/2006]
  18. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    It sounds like this young lady needs to have a check up and some blood work done..

    The symptoms you listed could be a lot of different things.. anemia- leukemia-

    I feel sad for her. I'm glad she has your daughter for support..

    Enjoy your trip!

  19. PamelaJoy

    PamelaJoy New Member

    Yes I am concerned about a lot of other problems she may have. I have thought about leukemia as well. I do know she does take an iron pill with vitamin c lately. Doesnt seem to change her symptoms of lethergy.
    Hypoglycemia is a problem with kids these days and their high glycemic diets. This girl has recently turned to a vegetarian diet hoping it would help her fatigue. But I think she gets too many bad carbs. I advised her to read up on vegetarianism firsthand and then make sure you are getting the right balance of nutrition.
    I really do seem to think she has CFS as her symtoms seem to relate to it. Her lower lids are not pale as in an anemic patient. I do check a few things when she allows me to. She does seem to respect my medical background.
    She appreciates the attention. Or the past., I just got a nasty note from this girl, stating there is nothing wrong with her and it is her mothers business to be concerned with her health and not mine. Although I am the one she complaines to regularly. I believe her mother put her up to this and wanted her to explain that she is fine.

    Sounds like a tough situation and a real mess of a deal to have this person in my care for two weeks. We will have to be covered by POA for sure!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/26/2006]
  20. Slangx

    Slangx New Member

    To the person who posted above...

    Hawaii is not out of the country. Last I checked, it was part of the United States.

    And to Pamela, it's not "sick" to take her, it's nice. Don't listen to that person. Although perhaps their idea was to advise some extra caution when responsible for someone else's child - and that is good advice.

    And for teenage girls, you often can barely take a family vacation without bringing a friend for her, or she'll sigh & roll her eyes & be embarrassed & have a terrible time.

    But for sure you need the POA and medical release, etc. Also bring her insurance card. I didn't notice if anyone mentioned the insurance card or not. And make sure the girl brings her own ID too. And how to pay for medical services if necessary? Is it possible for her to get a small $ debit card that her parents can put some funds into? ER trips can be $75/copay or more.

    Good luck, and I'd say you should definitely tell someone - school nurse, etc. Regardless of the nasty note.

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