Help being attacked by opinions

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by risinforce, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    Hi there, haven't been posting for awhile. I need to vent this one though. I have Fibromyalgia and have had it for almost 4 years. I am treated by a wonderful pain doctor, have tried various types of treatment and am in a group support system.

    Every since the day of my diagnosis, my family has been in denial. They are continuously throwing suggestions at me. Current one being "Bee therapy". I'm supposed to try to see if being stung by live bees will help because it helped one lady with FMS. F... That

    Then I was just (minutes ago) attacked because I drink too much soda. That's why I've gained weight that's why I'm tired, etc. etc.

    Ok - I know that research has shown that there are alot of different nerotransmitters and chemicals, including cortisol, that are wacked out in me. I've gained 20 lbs total. I drink soda because the caffine helps, the carbinazation helps me stay awake.

    I have to work 40 hours a week and this lovely illness caused me to be divorced. I have a small child that I am raising while working full time. I smoke and drink soda and they are the only vises I have left that remind me I am human.

    Anyone else in the same boat? My mom is my worst critic. I just wanted to slap her today. She dropped this crap on me at work for god sake. I am so angry right now. Could u se some serious words of wisdom on how to deal with this.

    Hugs,
    Shawn
  2. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Unfortunately, it is often a curse that the family you are counting on to help support you instead try to sabotage your every move.

    Many times people are either:

    a) so concerned that they are going to earmark every single thing they ever come across as a potential new treatment for you

    or

    b) pissed off because you and your illness are taking too much attention away from THEM - when confronted by you they will try and justify all of their pettiness by saying they are just trying to look out for you, etc.

    Being a working single mom is hard enough without adding FM to the mix, for sure.

    Sounds like there is a little co-dependency going on - she probably calls to start something brewing and then feels free to take potshots at you when you REACT and lash back at her in anger.

    The simplest and most difficult thing to do is to not react to her - detachment. There are books (Codependent No More) or support groups (Co-Dependents Anonymous - CODA) that can give you tips on how to do this.

    The Serenity Prayer is applicable here too"

    "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change"(your mom)

    "Courage to change the things I can" (how YOU react to your mom)

    And the Wisdom to know the difference (always the hard part).

    Hope this helps, you're not alone. You'll see when tons of people with exactly the same problem Moms reply to your message.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie



  3. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    I have had this for over 10 years and my Mother constantly criticizes me for moving too slow, being to fat, hurting too much. She told me recently that if I would just drink this elixir that someone was advertising in the back of the t.v. guide that I would be cured. I am highly allergic to bees, so if I were to get stung, I would die, so that option is out for me. I am married, have been for 25 years and we have one 19 year old son. Both my husband and son are very compassionate and understanding of this dreaded disorder. My Mother is the worst critic that I have and she is 78 years old, healthy as an ox and thinks everyone fakes their illnesses.

    TxSongBird
  4. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I have a little different take on it. I think that our families feel both concerned and anxious about our illnesses. If we've been a bread-winner, they feel cornered financially without our help. If we can't do the things we used to do with them, they're lonely. Since we don't seem to get better no matter what, they feel helpless too.

    And then there's the Mom thing. Mom's think they have to fix their kids, that it's somehow their job no matter what the problem is. In fact, I just recently "retired" from being my kids "advisor" and they don't even know it yet.

    It's not that those people aren't frustrating; it's that we have no control over them, so we might as well try to see it from their point of view too. You say that we're sick, so why should we be the ones to be so tolerant?; it should be them. Wellllllll, so far I haven't noticed that life is particularly fair in this regard so we can either make ourselves sicker or we can "bless them on their way", as I say.

    All that said, yes, a good smack would feel good to deliver sometimes, wouldn't it? ;>)

    Hugs,
    Marta