Help,daughter is getting to me.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sixtyslady, Apr 27, 2006.

  1. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    hows does everyone handle family members that just ,won"t believe your sick, my youngest daughter works in the medical field, and I found out last nite why my other daughters haven"t been comming around. she has talked to one of her Dr friends and they told her that fibro is just depression, she really tick me off last night, right away she wanted to know what the rheumy said, i tried to just pass it off with he"s doing labs.but she had talked to our son on is cell phone before she came to the house and he told her about the Dr wanting me to take prednisone, well my son must have told her I didN"t agree with that. till the labs come back. so she said to me well Mom at least polymyaliga would be a real disease. I"m so glad that we worked our butts off to help get her thruogh medical training.If I say anything she won"t bring our Grandson down and we love the little guy dearly, they lived with us when he was a baby. haven"t seen my other Grandkids since xmas, we only live minutes apart. Went to my nephew,s wedding and my daughters where there.they barely spoke, their all mad at me because i can"t take antidepressants, I"ve tried them and it makes me feel worse.by the way all my daughters our on them.and their all suppose to be healthy. no fibro or cfid. just can"t handle everyday life I guess. anyhow sometimes I I just wish I could see the Grandkids, without their parents. Grandkids accept things better than grownups sometimes. They don"t mind that grandpa,& grandma can"t walk as fast as we used to. and they like staying home with us they ride the horses and they love driving the golf cart and some of them even like to help with the garden, my daughter says well Austin doesn"t hound you Mom to go places so thats why you think hes such a good kid. this kid never gets any down time at home shes got him in every kind of sports you can think off he usually doesn"t eat his supper until 8:30 or 9:00 at nite and then has to go right to bed. no wonder he wants to come to our house every week-end.well any how thanks for letting me vent. Sixtyslady
  2. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    That sure is tough. I am so very sorry you have to deal with that.

    My parents don't believe I have a real problem either. Just take more vitamins or supplements they say.
    They never even call to check on me. They live in TX and I live in OR.

    It makes me so sad. I just can't understand any of this.
    I taught myself (because my family never did) that if you are not in their shoes then don't judge or comment. I think sometimes people are so caught up in their healthy lives that they think everything is based on diet, herbs, natural this natural that. It is not that simple.

    Sorry for you big hugs...
  3. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    That's some schedule your grandson has....I feel sorry for him too. He needs some downtime everyday, just to be a kid. I'm sure it's hard for you to see that...take care, Terri
  4. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    understand what you are going through. Im on soo many meds its a wonder I can still function. I have one son who is sympathic and the other doesnt believe anything is wrong with me. Ive got to where I just say Im fine when someone asks.

    We have two precious grandbabies. The 2 yr old spent the night last weekend. It just about killed me, but I wouldnt miss this time for anything. My sweet hubby plays with her and I read to her and take care of her. She made cinnaman toast for us on Sunday morning and she was sooo proud putting on the butter and cinnamon. When they came out of the oven, She said,"Mamaw, I cant eat this, its dirty" I had to explain that her cinnamon darkens when baked.

    Suzette
  5. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    It's not just Fibro - they are everywhere.

    An inside joke in my twelve-step recovery program is how we would like to hog-tie so-called "normal" family members and stick them in a recovery meeting because some of them need it more than we do!! LOL.

    I don't really think there is anything that you could say or do to change her mind - she's gonna think what she's gonna think.

    Just refuse to get into it with her - she's looking for that co-dependent opportunity to blame you for her insecurities or resentments.

    You've been diagnosed by a board-certified Rheumatologist as per their guidelines and you should let her know that you will be working with that doctor to find the best way to treat you to include your active participation, a "two-way street". Then drop it.

    You will be amazed that she will keep trying to get you to "engage". You cannot control what another person says to you - the only thing you can control is how you react. Detach and observe.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie
  6. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    Madame Curie is right about how you can only control how you react...

    but...if you want to try one more time..

    Since your daughter is in the medical field, you might want to see if she'll look at this website with you:

    www.myalgia.com/controversies_in_fibromyalgia.htm

    It's a link from www.myalgia.com. It's Dr. Robert Bennett's website, and he is one of the most respected FM researchers in the world.

    This link describes many of the controversies surrounding FM and explains the physiological basis for FM pain. There's also some information about the difference between "depression" and FM.

    Maybe reading about it from a "real" doctor who has sterling credentials in the FM world will open her mind a bit.

    If not, then I'd have to agree with Madame Curie, and say, "let it go". You can't change someone's mind if it's closed, and you can only control your reaction to her ignorance.

    Good luck!

    julie (is free!)

    Half of my mistakes I made
    'cause I couldn't let go
    just let it go.. - Radney Foster
  7. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    I am very sorry about your daughters attitude! Children, of any age, can be so selfish.

    Most states do have Grandparent Rights. It is for visitation. If they should threaten, or keep you grandkids away, you might want to check into it.

    It is so frustrating not to be believed and to have others judge you. Especially when it is family. Have you tried ignoring THEM? Maybe not talking about your Fibro with them would be the best. Or you say you don't want to talk about it. Period.

    Our 'kids' have a chance of having this too. They might regret their words if this DD happens their way. NOT that I want them to suffer from this.

    I care and will say a prayer...

    Kim

  8. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Hi,
    I'm so very sorry you are having such a bad tiime.

    If your daughters are impatient and mad at you for not using antidepresents, and they use them, they probably resent the fact that you don't use them, and are coming across with anger, beause they feel "wrong". Sometimes it takes people a long time to grow up.

    Please don't let them make you feel bad. You are a strong woman, stronger than they would want to admit.

    They could also , subconsciously, be afraid to admit that you are sick, because it makes them feel insecure, so they latch on to any rationalization that supports their wish.

    You have my support and sympathy.
    God bless,
    Terry
  9. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    thanks for all the suggestion. I try not to talked to them about my problems.and I don"t see them that often anymore. but a couple of weeks ago my granddaughter wanted me to come to school for grandparents day but I was just to sick I"ve always went before.I think she understood. I"ve tried so hard worked 2 jobs for many of years to give them things they wanted, we raised 8 I"ve always been there for them, in their divorce, cancer. babysit for them, give them down payments on homes, you nane it we"ve done it for them. My heart is just broken. how did we raised such selfish children?they all had to work when they where at home we just didn"t hand them money when every they wanted it. and now they won"t even pick up the phone and call me if they want to know somethhing they call our son on his cell phone and ask about my Drs, etc I told my son that I didn"t want him to discuss this with them anymore. and he said O.K.. when they have the grandkids birthday parties they call our son and invite him but don"t invite us.it really hurts .I just keep praying about it and ask God to help me get through this I know a big part of my depression is do to this. Hugs Sistylady.good thing I have this board.

  10. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    you JUST have depression, one would expect some sympathy and consideration. Depression is a serious disease too.

    Hard to figure out kids. I had a wonderful relationship w/ my son, even when he was an adolescent, but now he is grown and lives far away and I only hear from him 3-4 times a year.

    (P.S. Please don't be offended, but your post would be easier to read w/ more paragrahs. OK?)
  11. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Sixtyslady:
    Well...now that I have won the battle with SSA and my ex (divorce & money), I do not care what anyone says. They were my only battles. The friends I could drop because they were not really friends.

    Why not remind everyone that there are trigger points for FM and show them 'the map'. Depression does not cause trigger points. Sometimes one picture is worth a thousand words.

    Sometimes they are just idiots. (Sorry, moderators can take that out if needed).

    nyrofan