HELP! I can't take anymore!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MissRachel, Aug 26, 2003.

  1. MissRachel

    MissRachel New Member

    Help! I am under so much stress I don’t know which way to turn.

    I can't work because of my illness and it has put us under such a finical strain that we are loosing our house. We are on the edge of bankruptcy (which we don't want to do) so we are selling (hopefully fast) and moving into an apt. I am so sad and it makes me sick! I live in a very small old farmhouse on 10 acres with no one around but cow and corn. I have 8 cats and a dog; it is going to be very hard on them too!

    My husband works for the Government and he found out that they are doing a round of cut backs, and he maybe on the list. (My hands are trembling as I'm typing I am so terrified).

    I start school next week (my mom is putting up the tuition) and it is my last year. I'm going to be a horticulturalist! We have to give back the car we are leasing, actually we have to find someone to take over the lease, so it's not that easy. He and I go in different directions for work and school. I figure he can drive me and pick me up no problem, but with this DD I would be stuck there if I got really sick.

    We are in so much debt because I lost my job and I feel so responsible for all that is happening. If I could work we would not be loosing our home, car, life.

    My hubbie was on Effexor for about 18 months and ahs gone off it this past spring. He is doing really great, but everyday something bad seems to happen. And with all this mess I’m afraid He's going to breakdown. He told me last night that he is really scared. We talked for hours, which is all we have been doing lately (this is good). No TV or any distractions. I feel that I am the one keeping it together, but I am now starting a flare. He wants me to make all the decisions and he'll do all the leg work, which is fine, but I told him that he has to grow up, take some responsibility and act like a man (he's 30). He actually said thank you for saying that! Sometimes I feel like the mother!

    I see the DR next week and hopefully I can get something for anxiety. I feel like I’m falling apart. I can't sleep and when I do I have nightmares and night terrors. I had sleep paralysis the other night and it took over an hour for me to calm down.

    I have my own problems i.e. everything that goes with this DD, depression, weight gain etc..And I’m trying to keep him together. I need him to give me comfort and reassurance to, but he just can't do that right now. He's even thinking that I'm going to leave him over all this. Of course I'm not. He is my love and my life and he is always so great about this DD and supports or rather accepts that I can't work. He comes to every DR appt with me and is right by my side in learning about FM......I guess it is my turn to support him and reassure him since he's there supporting me daily. Mom will have to be my reassurance this time.

    Anyway, that’s it. I have no friends and I just had to tell someone. Thanks for taking the time to read; I'm glad this board is here...........

    Rachel
  2. GlitterPott

    GlitterPott New Member


    First things first, you do have friends cos you have all of us! With this board you know there will always be someone to say hi, send a hug, make a joke and send a smile!
    I have no idea what it must be like for you but whatever you think, it is not your fault. You didnt ask to get ill. And whatever happens you have each other, its great that you talk and keep each other in the picture. You must keep positive and try not to push yourself else you will only get worse. Keep your chin up, things are sent to try us and its horrible but as long as you have each other you will get each other through it.
    Lots of love to you both
    Shelley xxxxx

    PS. And if it gets too much then come and talk to us!!!
  3. j9miller

    j9miller New Member

    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Sadly, this happens to so many of us. One crisis after another that just sends us into flares. Please hang in there. Hope is there. There are many agencies that can help you. They will help if you are willing to take it.
    First, do you want to sell the house or do you have to? Have you looked into refinancing it? What about a home loan to consolidate all your bills to make one payment and not charge anything anymore and then just pay that one bill? Consumer credit agencies are great for helping out with that area. Credit unions also have financial conselors you can talk to.
    You said your husband had a government job. The benefit plans usually consist of "family counseling" as well. Have you looked into that? They can usually offer financial help too.
    And then of course, church is the best place to go for all kinds of help. If you do not attend one. Go to the local one near you and speak with the minister and tell him your situation. They usually can offer many suggestions as well.
    These are just a few ideas ... I hope you find some help and relief soon. Please hang in there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Janine
  4. IgotYou

    IgotYou New Member

    Remember that vow "for better or worse, in sickness and in health"? There's a reason we all promise that when we get married - because sickness and hard times are pretty common stuff, and your marriage is to be the partnership that pulls you through those times. You guys are doing great, talking to each other, building each other up, and staying together. You'll make it through. About a year ago, I was facing losing all my material possessions. I was so stressed out. One day I sat down and started writing down all the things I cared about in my life. And I realized I couldn't lose any of them. Material things can come and go, but the people you love and who you are inside are always with you. It is frightening, and something nobody wants to face - particularly with poor health. But you will get through it, sticking together with your life partner. Spend some time relaxing and praying or meditating and clear your mind so you can see more clearly what to do. If you need to, call for help from someone who can lend their expertise - many agencies and organizations out there help people like you at no charge. There's no shame in asking for help when you need it - these people want to make a difference in someone's life, and when it's a person who genuinely wants to pull their life together, not just take advantage of the system, it's encouraging for them.

    In the mean time, many hugs and prayers are with you.
  5. keeponsmiling

    keeponsmiling New Member

    **sends a large ceramic plate through cyberspace for you to throw against the wall**

    Throw that thing as hard as you can, darlin'! Now take a deep cleansing breath... feel better now? Or should I sent out a crate of plates? ;)

    ((((HUG))))

    Cheryll
  6. tlc8858

    tlc8858 New Member

    I am so sorry for all your troubles. It sounds as if you have been hit with all that you can handle at one time. I think the talking with the husband all the time is great. These sort of problems are what can tear a marriage apart. It sounds to me like you two are really in love and can handle anything life throws at you if you do it together.
    I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but when I am hit with one tragedy after another, I rely on god to help me through. Just pray and give him all your troubles and see what happens. God bless you.
    tlc8858
  7. achy

    achy New Member

    Now I feel guilty for my post yesterday....It's true, no matter how bad you feel, there is somebody worse off.

    you've really got it coming from all sides huh? It's one thing to be sick, but then to have to battle all those other woes can be overwhelming. Just don't jump ship. It will get better eventually. It's great that you and hubby talk. Sharing your feelings is so important.

    I can relate to your problems...been there, done that.
    I too have an old farmhouse in the country, a great hubby, and no friends. We lost our first home after I was hurt when somebody hit us head-on. I couldn't work for 2 years. at the same time hubby lost a job he had for 12 years...It was rough, but we survived. And you will too.

    Isn't there anybody that can help you wiht the house? It's none of my business but my first thought was why don't you use the money mom is giving you for school to keep the house. I know school is very important, but you can always go back later...the house won't wait. (yeah, I can hear your mom now...probably the same words my mother would use - lol) just a thought.

    Also, there are many agencies that can help you depending on your income....and no, you don';t have to be pennyless.
    Call the american red cross, salvation army, dhr..and see whats available. Some will help wiht utiity payments, food, and occasionally rent or mtg payments....it doesn't hurt to ask....we all nedd help now and then, and that is why they are here.

    I wish I could help you more...all I can offer is a friendly ear and a gentle hug. This too shall pass.

    Warm fuzzies
    Achy


  8. MiahRoo

    MiahRoo New Member

    I'm certainly not in the severe financial hell that you are in right now but I know full well the guilt that comes with not working. My fiance is busting his butt trying to make ends meet. I've got medical bills coming out of my ears and it just kills me that he has to pay for all of it right now. He's been going through a lot of work stress right now and it's so hard for me to support him sometimes. It's so hard to take care of myself and deal with my own emotional stress that comes with being ill and not being able to work. He's the most amazing man...always there to support me. I'm trying my best to give him the emotional support he needs but I know how hard that can be at times...when you just feel like you can't give anything because everything you have inside of you is sucked right out of you because of this illness. All I can do is send you positive thoughts and my best good energy. I hope all will be well soon in your life. As said above...we are all your friends here and always here to listen and give any advice or help that we can. I'll keep you in my thoughts and keep wishing better things your way. *gentle hugs* Take care of yourself the best that you can. That is the most important thing you can do. And give each and every one of your cats and your dog a loving glance or kiss or hug for me. Animals are my heart...and I know that they can be a big comfort at times like this. Take comfort in their unconditional love and try to gain strength from that. I wish I could say or do more to help. ~Miah~
  9. Member

    Member New Member

    Bumping to Missrachel........So sorry to hear about all you and your husband are going through. Prayers are on their way. peace, love and joy.......Member Pat
  10. MissRachel

    MissRachel New Member

    HI All,

    Thank you all for your responses of kind words and advice.

    My DH (Dear Hubbie) has talked to Trustee’s in Bankruptcy and we have two options.
    1. We propose to all our creditors that we will pay 50% of the debt inset of going bankrupt and then they would get none, so it’s in their interest to take our proposal. Then we have to pay the trustee’s $$ every month for 5 years.
    2. We could go bankrupt. The trustee’s say that we have to do step one first. If the creditors don’t except our proposal then we go bankrupt.

    We all ready have a consolidation loan for 30 grand and FIL co-signed and since were having trouble he agreed to make the payments for a few months AND he gave us 3000 and told us to get out while we can. We wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage on the house and we only bought it 3 years ago, so we figure if we sell pay the debts with any money we make on the sale, then at least we could possibly buy something really cheap, move to the closest town and rent a house for 500 or move to Ottawa and pay 1000 for a 2 bedroom.

    I called my DR to get something for sleep and break through pain, but he’s out on a flare himself and won’t be in ‘til Friday. My neck, shoulders and head are in unbearable pain. I’ve massaged, heated, cooled, can’t find the tiger balm!!!! I think I’m going to increase my pain dose. I’m taking MS Contin 90mg every 6 hours, so maybe I’ll take 120. My hubbie will get really pissed because he is “the pill police”. I know he’s only looking out for me, but I can’t stand the pain so I can’t sleep.

    Were hopeful that all of this will happen really fast so that we don’t have to buy any wood for the winter. I just dread thinking about packing and the whole move thing. Last time I ended up in a flare for a month and IBS that nagged me for weeks.
    My poor little hunting kitties are going to have a culture shock! If we live on a busy road I will not let them out! My DH says that is the last thing I should be worried about! Hello ! They are my only friends.

    Thanks for letting me get all this out it really helps, I’ll keep you posted if you’re interested.

    Any suggestions for the pain? DO you think it is safe to increase my morphine dose? I’m out of flexeril and I think that’s why I’m not sleeping well and the pain is so bad.

    Thanks again,

    Rachel
    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2003]
  11. fairyborn

    fairyborn New Member

    I know filing bankruptcy can be very hard choice to make, but it there to help people to get on the right track. When filing you can be able to keep your home. It maybe worth checking into. Another way is to go to debt a debt counslor and have them take over paying the bills and neogate payments and interest for you. I have filled bankurptcy it was not an easy dession to make, but it lowered my strassed my level.
    Light and Blessings
  12. aaron19

    aaron19 New Member

    by the way, love the name :)

    Hang in there Rachel, I hope the best for you!
  13. achy

    achy New Member

    I know it is tempting to increase your meds....i'm sure most of us have been there...but don't do it on your own. At least call your docs office..his nurse can get his approval. pain meds are not to be taken lightly...a little more can do great harm. Trust me...i'm on oxy.

    Warm fuzzies
    Achy
  14. Kim

    Kim New Member

    I'm so sorry you are in so much pain and having so much stress. Please ask your doctor before increasing the meds. You are in my prayers.

    kim