HELP, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONFRONT THIS PERSON

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mrsjethro, Jun 12, 2006.

  1. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    I am almost afraid to even post this. I just found out late last night that a very dear friend of mine has called someone that I know, trying to find a particular medication and stating that they were for me. The second party knows my condition and situation and would do anything in the world for me, but thankfully realized that this wasn't something that I would ever ask her to do in the first place.

    I get all my meds from my doctor and nowhere else, period. I strictly follow guidelines and have good open communication with my doc who also has fm, cfs and lupus, so she understands the physical shape that I am in.

    I am so worried about my friend. We are very very close and I don't know how to approach or confront this. I had just gotten my refill and would not give this person any of mine. It was asked of me as soon as this person found out that I had just gotten my refill. The fact that this person used my physical condition as an excuse to try and get these drugs has really scared me very very bad, not to mention hurt me. This is also the one person that I am closest to in my entire life and I can't afford to lose him (okay it's a him, I've been trying to avoid stating that)

    I'm not so much worried about me right now (I'm having a really bad flare right now, but I can deal with that with my doctor). The part that worries me is that he's gone to the extent to use my condition as an excuse to try and get these.

    I've told him that he needs to talk to his doctor if he feels that he really needs this medication, and he hasn't. I'm am at such a loss for what to do and how to approach this. I can't lose this person, first and foremost, but I feel that I have to address this somehow. I am really scared and have no idea what to do or say. This is just breaking my heart.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/13/2006]

    Misty and atiledsner, I'm soooo sorry. I keep forgetting to do this and I know it's inconsiderate of me. If I expect to get replies, then I'm going to have to make them more easy to read. I'm sorry.

    Tx - No he called a friend that thought might already have some and told her that they were for me because I was having a flare.


    [This Message was Edited on 06/13/2006]
  2. mistyd96

    mistyd96 New Member

    Could you please break this up into paragraphs? I couldn't read it, and would like to try to help.

    Misty
  3. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    If so, this needs to be addressed promptly by you to him. This can come back to bite you in the rear with your Dr. and your pharmacy. If this person is very close to you, just sit them down and tell them what you found out about the situation and you need to make it very clear that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior. Then address the issue of this person needing or wanting the pain med's that you take and get them to the Dr. for whatever they need.

    If you can't convince this person that he needs some sort of help, then it is apparent that this person can cause you all sorts of trouble.

    TxSongBird
  4. atiledsner

    atiledsner New Member

    You add so much to the board but please break it up.
  5. jenni4736

    jenni4736 New Member

    I think the things to do here is maybe write him a letter. That way you don't have to confront him directly. This way you spare him of the embarassment which might spare the friendship.

    The letter has to state that you are upset that he would do this. It has to state that you would never ask a friend for medication because you would never want to put a friend in such an awkward situation.

    I think it should also say that your illness is not taken seriously by some and you would never want your ability to get mediacation to be put into jeopardy.

    If I was you I would quietly warn all of your common friends. You don't have to tell them the whole story. Just tell them that you would never share medications nor would you ever ask them to. Just tell them "someone" you know did this. That way you don't have to give them all too much info.

    I wish you the best of luck. I do not think you can let this go. Also, if he knows your birthdate, address, doctor name ,etc....he could try to get your medications from the pharmacy if he got desperate enough. Let them know that they are to be released ONLY to you and (maybe one other person if you need to).

    Be careful sweetie....good luck

    jenni
  6. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    I'm so sorry that someone so close to you has done such a thing. You don't mention whether this person has health issues that would require taking this medication. If he does, maybe you could mention that you would go with him to the Dr to discuss medications.

    I know you don't want to lose him but someone who is trying to get prescription medication in your name is having serious issues. I think you need to talk openly and honestly to him about this and try to find out why he did such a thing. As a close friend, he should be able to handle that.

    All the best,

    CanBrit.
  7. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    You say you two are "very very close". If so, maybe you could confront him in love. Say that "you heard what he did and it worries you. You love him and don't want anything to happen to him. You're not worried about the drugs, but you wonder if he needs help. If so, you are there for him. In fact, you are there for him, no matter what." If he gets upset, drop it...and pray for him daily.

    I understand that this might hurt your relationship (hopefully only temporarily). But isn't it better to hurt your relationship than to have him be hurt, or worse?

    I wish you luck and wisdom. I'll pray for the two of you.

    God Bless.
  8. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    If this person is so close to you, don't you think that honesty is very important in your relationship? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't know how else to say it. This person is being dishonest with you and it seems like he may have a drug dependency problem. It is important to nip it in the bud.

    Mrsjethro, I have had personal experience with this very thing. I tried to ignore it. I didn't want to embarrass the person who was stealing my meds. I didn't want to hurt others who were close to this person. It caused me so much grief for the better part of a year. It finally blew up in my face and I came out looking like the guilty party when I was just trying to protect this person.

    People who are dependent on drugs will lie and sneak around and then they justify it. I've seen it all.

    My advice to you is to speak to this person ...gently and honestly. Don't put it off. It is a question of trust and your reputation is on the line, also.

    Blessings to you,

    Lolalee
  9. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    Apart from the issue of confronting your friend, you need to document this incident. You need to put this in writing to both your doctor AND to your pharmacist. Both of them need to be aware that someone may be trolling for meds in your name and that you are not condoning it.

    To say this person is your friend is all well and good, but if he were successful, YOUR access to meds may be restricted.
  10. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    I get so much comfort from you all, that I can never fully express my gratitude. And you all do it in such a loving and gentle way.

    I am going to have to confront him. I really hate it, but it has to happen. He has several years of being clean and sober and he is putting all of that on the line here.

    I initially did "the woman thing" and blamed it on myself because he knows that I take the medication and they are pretty much right there in his face for the most part. I thought that it was my fault and that I had put too much temptation in front of him.

    But like you all put it, if he is the very, very close friend that he is, then I have no choice but to honor that and try to help him. I can't enable this behavior by pretending that it's not happening. Even as much as I would like to wish that it would just go away, I would not be a true friend if I did not handle this right now.

    Thank you all so much for always being here for me, and for always being so supportive and loving. I would have never imagined, before coming here, that you could actually feel love coming from a conversation on a computer.

    ((((((I love you all))))))

  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    If you are dealing w/ an addict, you are in for trouble. Addicts will cheat and lie and steal and stab their loved ones in the back or any place else if it will help them get drugs.

    My father was a drunk. My brother in law was an addict. They are endless trouble.
  12. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    You got it! By enabling him in this situation, by pretending it's not a very serious matter, you do harm to you both and to your relationship.

    Over and over and OVER I read here how women take all sorts of rot from the men in their life. It makes me so sad that we don't think we deserve more and I can't help but wonder if our personality type isn't the one most prone to these illnesses: "Give it to me, all the bad; I'll take it."

    Sorry, I don't mean to offend but this is such a common thing with us. And yes, I've been there too. We need to wake up and appreciate the wonderful people we are.

    Marta
    [This Message was Edited on 06/13/2006]
  13. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    good advice here, from all. One more; get a box and lock the meds up. Stores sell little mini safes you can put them in, or maybe order a lock-up box on line.

    Write that letter and save a photocopy before you give it to him. Also notify the doctor and pharmacist, in writing, as advised by another poster here.

    My husband is one that likes to "dabble" with my meds, especially the pain and sleep ones. He thinks they are like candy. He came from a large family of 7 kids where they all shared their penicillin and other drugs and thought nothing of it.

    At first I ignored it, then I noticed pills missing and then one day I wasn't able to get a refill when I needed. That did it. I locked 'em up and said "go get your own". Well he wasn't too happy but he knows it was wrong to do that so it stopped.

    Be careful too if he is addicted he could get really angry. My husband just sulked and pouted because his little game was up but he wasn't violent about it.

    Michelle