Help!! I think i'm becoming paranoid.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hasbeen, Mar 14, 2003.

  1. Hasbeen

    Hasbeen New Member

    I've had so much continuos pain. I just want to give up sometimes. But I know my son needs a mother, even if she is worthless. The part where I said i think i'm becoming paranoid, I keep thinking maybe it's something really fatal, like cancer, that I have. I hurt so much and all over how could we tell the difference in the FM and something else. you know i just hurt all over all the way to the bone. and my headaches are worse than they have ever been. And if it wasn't for my son needing me I believe I would blow my brains out, what little I have. But he seems to worship me and I can't be that selfish. I love him so very much. I love my family and husband too but they would make it o.k. without me. You guys know how I feel. But thanks for letting me vent.
  2. jeanderek

    jeanderek New Member

    I know that you don't feel that way right now but you have a family that loves you and even though you think they could live without you they couldn't. Even if we cant do the things that we once could doesnt mean we are worthless. I know that your family would be so hurt if they knew how bad you were hurting. They need your love just as much as you need thiers. This disease is the hardest thing that I have ever had to face and some days I just wanna crawl in a hole but I have faith and I know that one day I will feel better again and regain my old self back. All of us have such a great sadness inside because we are longing to be that person we once was. We are all in considerable pain and we are all frustrated, but I know in my heart of hearts that your family loves you and they need you very much. Please take a moment and reflect on all the good things you have done. You have brought a wonderful son into the world who looks to you for guidence and that doesnt mean you have to make it to every game or what ever he is into, you are his example of what love is suppose to be and if he lost you he would be so devestated and your husband would be lost without the love of his life. I hope that you feel better and I hope that you find a way to cope. You will be in my prayers and I wish you the very best.

    (((((((((((hugs to you))))))))))))))

    Jeanna
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    You are not going to die, and please get that out of your mind. I have had the same thoughts, and would drive myself into more pain with the stress of it.

    I always worried about someone else getting my children! I didn't trust anyone with them, but myself.

    Fibro or CFS does not kill us. I have had Fibro for 20 plus years now, and I am still here! I managed to raise my three children, and raised my grandson for the first five years of his life.

    They are all three adults now, and I am still here. This pain can make you think you are dieing, I though I had a bad heart, lung cancer, deteration of the bones, cancer, brain tumor, you name it, I though I had it!

    But here I am a grandmother of two, and still living!

    The stress of those thoughts only make you hurt worst. Believe me, I have been there.

    You calm down, and let God take control, you are going to be alright, you will raise your son, and I know he loves you more than anything or anyone else. I know my children love me too.

    I am always fussing at my daughter, she worries about something happening to me. I keep telling her that what I have is not terminal, just miserable!

    You vent all you want, I wish I had had a board like this to come to when I was your age, but I didn't even know what the heck a computer really was! I keep all of those thoughts to myself, not a good idea at all.

    Take care, and STOP WORRYING! Thats an ORDER!!! (Smile).

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    Everything you all said, I have so far diagnosed myself with MS, Lupus, Sickle Cell anemia, cancer of the esophagus, colon, breasts, brain, lungs of course, gums, skin cancer, thyroid, lymph, pancreas, pituitary, you name it The pain is overwhelming, not for the past week since I got on the pain patch but not all the problems are gone, just the worst one. I think about dying constantly, I visualize my funeral. I think living with chronic pain has got to be way worse than losing a leg, an eye, anything like that, I would rather be deaf, blind, wheelchair bound, any of that than the pain. The normals do not even begin to understand. We are the very people that the docs say "The pain YOU feel with fibrositis is NOT severe enough to justify hydrocodeine or anything like that"

    I have gained a whopping 65 to 75 lbs too so I am over 200, that is disgusting, it really trashes any self confidence too to have your bellly be so dang big that you look pregnant, it is so embarrassing. I find myself now thinking that I have this big fat tumor in my belly.

    Jaci
  5. teawah

    teawah New Member

    that the reason I (yep, I do it too) think that maybe I have cancer or something is because at least THAT would be explainable. It would be something concrete in stead of this Ghost illness we have gotten stuck with. I want to blow my brains out often but something inside of me keeps me from being that selfish. I don't want my boys wonderring all their lives just how they failed their mom that she didn't want to be with them anymore. I couldn't bare the thought of what it would do to THEM. Keep your chin up (EVEN if it HURTS)
    ((((((hugs)))))) teawah

    please bump this. Hasbeen needs more replies so she knows we are here.
  6. catnip51

    catnip51 New Member

    Hugs to all of you out there in this cruel world of fibro. I don't post very often but I typed in muscle pain and it brought me to this post. I cried right along with you hasbeen and to all who are in this incedible viscious circle. I've been having such a horrible time with fibro since February. Spent 3 times in the ER saying this time it can't be firbro causing so much pain and confusion and headaches. I'm 51 and have had fibro since my 20's. I have to say this has been my WORST year ever. Meno may not be helping but I feel exactly the same as you. My muscle pain anymore is horrible and my legs just don't want to carry me because of the pain in them.
    Some days I just don't want to face the day.What gets me the most is literally from one second to the other my pain goes from about 4 to 10 plus that quick. Up & down like a foller coaster. With all the years of fibro I would swear what I've been feeling since November is something more horrible if thats possible. Your thoughts, your feelings your experiencing could not be put into words any differently than the way I'm feeling. some days I don't even know how I get through the day and my biggest problem is accepting the way I feel. If they say fibro doesn't get worst there LYING big time. I can tell you if it doesn't get worst then this is something much worse than fibro. My health has declined in the past three years sooooo much I feel like you, WORTHLESS most days because before I could function somewhat normal and hold down a job. I just got on disabiltiy this past December and wonder how I did it all those years, working & being a mom to three kids. Now my life feels like, why do I even exist in this world. Is there a purpose for me being hear? I have had EVERY test possible from my head to my toes and thank God nothing of great danger. Does anyone feel like there fibro got worse? Have you gone through months of feeling so much pain all over and generally ill, neurological? Sometimes I wonder how my hubby puts up with me. He must be a saint....Any way, hugs and support to all of you and thank goodness we have each other for support or I probably would put a gun to my head...
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    It's hard to believe that an illness so painful is not fatal. When we are in the depths of a flare, we wish it were. First, find a way to help with the pain; see a pain specialist. You do not have to suffer unbearable pain. If you are not sleeping well, find something to help you sleep. If after all that, you are still depressed, see a doc, a therapist, who can help you.

    Many people with our illnesses have never had to take drugs and don't want to, so they continue to suffer. There are some natural remedies out there to help. The ZMA sold here is terrific for helping with sleep and pain. The magnesium and malic acid have helped a lot of people too. Both work synergistically with Rx medications and/or OTC products.

    If you are truly feeling suicidal, call the Suicide Hot Line nearest to you. Suicide is not the answer. I am keeping you in my prayers, but you must do things to help yourself. Good luck.

    Love, Mikie
  8. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    There probably is not one of us who suffer terribly from this dd. that has not felt this way. We have already lost enough people to it suicide and fm have one of the highest rates. Mainly because we are not getting the proper treatment from everyone,including medical community. This dd is rampant and no one really gets that. But remember if you lived one day with this or 1mo.or 1yr.or yrs. You have to be a pretty strong person. If you have a husband and child who love you then they need you no matter what shape you are in. Have you had a loved one sick for a long time? Did you love them any less? no, you probably loved them even more. It doe`s feel like we have everything listed in the merks manual, unfortunately thats what people do not get about this dd. I often have wondered how I would tell if something else is going on. Yet I cannot imagine anything worse. I had a message therapist dying with canver who after working on me told me he would not trade with me. Also a person with m.s. in wheelchair,loss of all body functions, she said she would not trade because she has no pain and can not stand pain. So I have had your thoughts,I am going to repeat what a kind ss judge told me,yes beieve it or not I said SS judge. He said, you have to be a strong person to endure what you have been through and lived with ,Please do not give up keep that strength inside going. So, my dear not a {hasbeen}, please do not give up. We do not want to lose anymore people that way to this dd. Go outside look up in the sky and take deep breaths, look around and you will find inside you need to keep going no matter what for many personal reasons that you do know. You already answered them yourself. This comes from a person who is alone,who recently lost my dad,my best friend,my daughter in a sense and grandchildren. I also have been so ill from pushing too much that I can barely get around, other illnesses too. You are loved and cared about just remember the importance of that!!!! Sweet Hugsss