way past the end of my rope and scared

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mariac2000, Oct 9, 2002.

  1. mariac2000

    mariac2000 New Member

    I can barely take care of my kids if that is what you call what I am doing. I can't stand for more than a few seconds. Stairs are tourture. My arms hurt just typing this. My body is totally failing me and no one can tell me what is wrong with me. My family would be much better off without me. I need to take my son to and from pre-school today and I'm afraid to drive. I can barely change the babys diapers, and i have been yelling at all three of them all morning. They don't deserve this. There is no money to hire help, and there is no family who seem to really understand what is going on. I am so scared and alone.
  2. mariac2000

    mariac2000 New Member

    I can barely take care of my kids if that is what you call what I am doing. I can't stand for more than a few seconds. Stairs are tourture. My arms hurt just typing this. My body is totally failing me and no one can tell me what is wrong with me. My family would be much better off without me. I need to take my son to and from pre-school today and I'm afraid to drive. I can barely change the babys diapers, and i have been yelling at all three of them all morning. They don't deserve this. There is no money to hire help, and there is no family who seem to really understand what is going on. I am so scared and alone.
  3. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I'm not from NJ, but know someone who is. I'll check with her and see if she is up to assisting you.

    Meanwhile, from reading your posts I think you have many of the same symptoms that I have. I've had the fightening shortness of breath. I am still unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time. Last winter I could barely sit up, so I am making progress.

    For me this is all due to dysautonomia, or dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system. Specifically I have Neurally Mediated Hypotension. I am on four meds just for it.

    I also had a bad experience with a rheumy. He told me he didn't believe in CFS and if I had FM there wasn't much he could do for me. I had gotten his name from several people who also have FM, so I found that quite disheartening. I now believe he didn't want to get involved in what my curent doc calls a "complex case."

    My improvement is due in part to medications I am taking, but it is also due to my educating myself on this board as well as various other sources. The more you learn about what is wrong with you the more you can assist in your own treatment plan.

    I wish you luck. Don't give up. Help is there, you just havn't found the right person yet.


  4. DebraP

    DebraP New Member

    I can totally relate to what you said, but your family will NOT be better off without you! You are an important part of their lives! If you were to leave or to die (suicide), your children would be traumatized beyond belief for the rest of their lives!

    Can you call a friend or a family member to come help? Tell them you're don't have to go into specifics! And, it's the truth! Having the burden of everyday chores lifted, even if just for a few hours, can help a great deal! I know, I'm a Mom on disability with 3 children. I have fibro and anklyosing spondyloisthesis.

    I'm not near you physically, but I wish I were. I'd be at your home in a flash to help you! In the meantime, I will keep you in my prayers. Please hang in there. Things will improve!
  5. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    I don't have any inspiring words or uplifting stories to tell you. Just want you to know we have all felt like this at least once. It is scary and confusing and painful both physically and emotionally. Don't give up! Don't give it to it. We are here for you. I don't know much of your situation, but try to get in touch with someone on your area. If you have a minister or church family to go to. Or even if you don't, sometimes if you just reach out there will be a hand. Give it a try, sometimes you are not as alone as you feel. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
  6. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    "Feeling" as you do is a truth. Solving or atleast being able to sit with someone, perhaps someone trained in problem solving, could visit you or you get someone to watch your kids and you go see a person trained in this sort of issue.

    I know you would be scared. I'm 54 with a ten year old child and I live practically in terror of someone coming in here and removing him from the home. I can tell you with a certainty that the sooner you reach out the shorter the distress period that will follow years of not addressing the issue.

    I'm surly not trying to be unkind. End of rope? I called yesterday to my MHMR about my son's initial visit with a child psychiatrist and a subsequent visit with a psychologist to address my "grief" issues. Lo and behold we were not down; this after cancelling last week ON their end of things. I have had post traumatic stress disorder diagnosed over ten years ago among other serious depressive CLINICAL depressive/anxiety issues over the course of age 13 to date! So by then end of rope was not the word for it!

    I actually got so provoked I told them if I had a gun I was going to use it as I was so sick and tired for fighting just to see a doc, get through social security, food benefits et al. that I was "at the end of a short rope"!

    To top all that they called back and I launched off on the screwed up county commissioners here who dumped the prior carrier and got this one and it was two years they had to prepare for their case load(s)...stutter-stutter; then I told then I know because I attended both commissioner's meeting and spoke concerning the downgrading to this county!

    So, for your peace which your are trying to find, you may have to reach beyond family; church; and go to one of the social services. Be prepared to do this by touching up your situation with the 'kids' so no thoughts of foster care until blah-blah happens. I don't believe in that route unless it is an emergency and right now you just don't know where to turn for help, much less understanding.

    But I surely agree with those above who responded that you must reach out and don't try to explain, except to perhaps a psychiatrist, why you are fatigued, have pain et al. You would probably be wasting your breath; sad to say.

    Once you have some control over your life, which you admittedly do not at present (nor do I), saying you have had several bouts of the "bug" or whatever, should suffice unless "they" are afraid to come over for fear of catching something, then say you have really been down with IBS or H.Pylori..whatever.

    I truly wish you well. After all the hell I had over the appointments THEY screwed up I ended up having to cancel because my "caretaker" daughter was a beast last night and I ended up having a migraine, a son who did not know which way to run except if she touched me he was to disappear to my room and call 911 and just stay on the line. I have notified my church "hometeacher" and our "Bishop" that my daughters rage over my "illness" had hit a new high. My "hometeacher" knows what he and his family are to do if the law ever becomes involved.

    I want to add. Please, don't harm yourself. You have the highest calling God can give a woman and magnify that as best you can with this horrible infirmaty we must smile through. I will be praying for you. My E-mail is PaperbackWriter_101@msn is you wish to visit privately. I can tell from your post I would like you. I have been here for over 3-years but have been inactive for a couple of months due to exerbation of symptoms and gearing up for homeschooling my dear, dear son. Love CactusLil'
  7. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    I see that you posted this morning, and I am reading this evening--I do hope your day improved a bit from this morning. I know how you feel--and especially when no one can give your terrible physical condition a name---that is so frustrating. It is also so hard to be the caregiver to others when you are so ill, you can't even care for yourself. Do try to reach out--if you are afraid to drive to the preschool, ask a church member, or neighbor--tell them you don't feel well enough to drive your son, and could you ride along. When they see how bad you feel, perhaps they will come home, and help, even if for an hour, with the baby. You didn't mention the age of your oldest child--can he or she help, after school? I have four children, and always want to be the ideal mom, nuturing caregiver....but I have discovered I can not do that all the time, any longer....I must ask for help. Call an area church, and tell them of your predicament....if the first doesn't work out, call another. I would be willing to bet you could find an older woman, whose children are grown who would just love to play grandma for the day!
    Please let us know how you are doing!!
    Darnit...thats not the little icon I wanted..and I can't edit to get rid of him.....[This Message was Edited on 10/09/2002]
  8. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    I totally know where you are coming from. I have three little girls under 5 (another baby on the way) my hubby works full time & I am at home with the children.
    I have been in so much pain the last week, that I didn't know how I was going to get by :(
    I can't breathe, I have heart palpitations, can't go outside cause I am so light sensitive that I get EXTREMELY diorientated. My neck is on fire, I am on Maxalon for extreme 24 hour a day nausea. I really need something for pain, but all I can take is paracetamol & that wont even touch the sides.
    It is school holidays here in Australia, so i am thanking my lucky stars that I don't have to drive my daughters to Kindy & occasional care.
    I spent the entire long weekend in bed dizzy, in pain & wanting to be sick. SO I had no idea how I'd get through this week.
    Thankfully for me I can stand now without going straight over, so I can 'watch' the kids. but I can't do any housework, or I can't breathe & then I have to lay down for hours :(
    Sorry to turn this into a gripe, but I want you to know that I feel for you big time.
    **Gentle hugs**

  9. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    Please just know that not every day feels as hopeless. I feel the same way as you about half the time, I totally understand the feeling of the family would be better off w/o you, however some days are very good, today I had no pain up until about 7:30, none. I have only had maybe 3-4 days since May 18 when I got this that were pain free. They are a blessing, you need to just have patience, you will have those too. Do you have a husband? I did not see if you do or not? Please touch base with us and let us know how you are doing, I wish I could be there too in person. Love yourself with the limitations we have.

    Please check in with us, we all really do care,

  10. jami117

    jami117 New Member

    Dear Maria, Having suffered with these illnesses for many years, and having lost my life to them, I often have to fight to find a reason to keep enduring this pain. I am very fortunate that I have both a doctor and a psychologist whom I can call when I really get scared that I can't hold on any longer. If you could find one professional who understands how devistating these diseases are, that person can be your lifeline while you continue fighting in other areas. I have only had to make a couple of emergency calls, but knowing Dr. Scott and Dr. Koenig are there for me keeps me going when I think I wouldn't bother without their support. If you would like to know how to get in touch with either of them, e-mail me at Please know that you have been valuable to me because I've been in a very rough place and after reading your post and the replies, it reminds me that I'm not in this alone. We need you, Maria. Gentle hugs.[This Message was Edited on 10/10/2002]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/10/2002]
  11. pamelasng

    pamelasng New Member

    Hi Maria, Im in australia so I dont know what services are available over there, But just thought maybe if you had the space you could offer someone a home for their help,not just anyone but maybe someone from church or from a church in another town.I remember feeling like you when my girls were small but it really will work out,I got to the end of my rope and thought I cant take this anymore, then I sat down and had some amazing hugs with my little angels and this gave me hope, Things always get better sometimes its hard to believe but they do. Chronic pain can cause us to lose focus on the things that count and thats not the things like being somewere at a certain time (unless its work) or having the house spotless at all times some things just dont count but you being around to love your children does. I still tell my family I love them heaps and my yelling at them at times is just me getting angry at the pain. Your a really doing things tough and the last thing that should go on top of it all is guilt, its wasted energy that you cant afford to give away to something that is not your fault to begin with. Are you sleeping enough,sometimes that alongside stress and the fact that we think we should have an answer to everyones problems, can send the pain racing everywere, then we go around again and again, you are cared about by everyone thinking about you right now and by your children just remember to give them hugs and tell them you love them heaps. There are heaps of shortcuts so if you see one take it its your right,my favorite is only iron clothes you are going out in,fold the rest. I do hope you get through this day with a little sunshine, Ill be thinking about you. ))))))HUGS(((((( Pam.
  12. mariac2000

    mariac2000 New Member

    I was going to cancel my Dr's appt todat, but after hearing from all of you have decided to go. I even got my mom to agree to watch the kids so I don't have to drag them to the doc with me.

    Thank you all so much