HELP Is this normal for a 3rd Grader????

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kjade, Nov 3, 2007.

  1. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Do any of you remember those little paper things we made in school where you folded the paper into quarters and wrote things inside, and you had someone count to get to the answers? I don't remember what they were called, but do you know what I'm talking about?

    Anyway, I found one (of many) that my son had - he dropped it on the floor. I'm going to write what was written on it the way he wrote (or whoever wrote it) so the spelling may not be right.

    On the outside is a list of boys and girls names (including my son's). Then there is a list that says:

    1. hotmodel
    2. cheerleder (cheerleader)
    3. hot cheerleder
    4. girl in her bakeny (bikini?)
    5. (can't read this one)
    6. Jammilin Spears in her bakeny

    Then you open it up and inside (where you would get to your answers) it says:

    get naked
    frunsh kiss

    WHAT IS THIS???????? He is 8 YEARS OLD! Is this normal for an 8 year old or should I be worried? The good thing is, I don't think it is his writing, but still..........

    Although, I do remember now when I was in 3rd grade being hauled down to the princial's office by my mean nun teacher because I had brought pictures of 1/2 naked people to school that I cut out of magazines to show my friends. And she called my MOTHER to come in and look at what I had done. VERY HUMILIATING to say the least.

    This is my oldest child so I haven't gone through anything like this before........this has me sick to my stomach. How does he even know what these words mean???? He was just a baby yesterday! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Yup, this is common stuff, maybe a little early, in the 3rd grade, but my grandson told me stuff like this when he was in 3rd, also.

    He told me about going to a friend's house, and the older brother and sister living there were "humping" him and using such language as he would never hear in his own home. Needless to say, he doesn't go there anymore.

    Your son may have just found these; they are probably scattered around by the other kids, and he finds them curious. I doubt he really knows the full meaning of these things.

    My grandson knows he can talk freely about anything at all without being judged, so he tells Mom and me he most amazing stuff.

    Lots of this comes from adult sitcoms and all the x-rated stuff even the news shows and the TV Guide channel on cable (!) that our kids see day in an day out.

    Monitoring their TV and computer usage is critical for parents to do, I think until they are at least 16, and maybe beyond if a problem is suspected.

    Can you sit your child down and ask them what those things are; kids will explain in language usually appropriate for their age, and 8 yrs old is a very good age to begin teaching them your values and expectations regarding such behavior, or they get sucked into the peer group pressure.

    Good luck, being a Mom these days is soooo hard!

    There's always hope!
  3. Pottersclay

    Pottersclay New Member

    My youngest is eight. I saw her playing this game. ALL the answers were innocent. I really didn't see this kind of content with my four children until they hit middle school.(sixth grade) There may have been some of that graphic stuff in the school by then, but not by my children.
    My eldest is eighteen and she wears a promise ring. A ring she wears to remind hersaelf to save her virginity until marriage as God wanted us to.

    I waited until marriage and I am not sorry I did. It made my honeymoon more special. You can't compare performances when there has been no other partner.

    The guy I dated before my husband pushed for sex and I told him I was going to wait until I got married. He then proceeded to ask me to marry him. I gave him his walking papers.
  4. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    My son is now 31 years old, so I may be "behind the times".

    This would have been highly unusual to have this type of behavior from a 3rd grader when my son was in 3rd grade.

    Unfortunately, there are so many permissive parents who allow their children to watch filth on the TV. OR--- the parents have this porno stuff on their TV and assume their children aren't watching it.

    Who knows. Then you have the desire of any child to "fit in with the group. This can really cause internal struggle.

    I think I'd approach him about this in a tender way. I'd do alot of listening and not much talking. See what he has to say.
  5. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I think that listening to what he has to say is a good start. They're called Cootie Catchers and are very common in Elementary school although I've only seen tame ones but I also haven't taught in many years.

    I think the second one you listed is supposed to be "French kiss", you may have know that.

    I'm not surprised that a Third Grader would know all this these days. There are a lot of kids who have many channels on their tvs and their parents watch movies in front of them too that show stuff that's really only for adults. Your son may not fully know what these words mean but some of his peers do and that's probably where he's getting it from.

    I last taught in 2000 and i taught 3rd grade for many years up until then. It was mindblowing how many kids had been abused in every way and exposed to drug use. They knew what drug paraphernalia looked like and how it was used. Some of them exhibited very unhealthy behaviors towards others, some of which was sexual. It really bothered me and many of the teachers but most of the parents were ambivalent about it.

    I wish i knew the solution to this but I don't. It's sad to see children lose their childhood innocence so early. I can assure you that this is normal for these days though.

    I would definitely let him know that this is inappropriate and that it's not ok for him to be doing this. The main thing is to keep those lines of communication open as much as you can.

  6. kjade

    kjade New Member

    what this all means. My husband and I approached him and he got all red-faced, and said he didn't know what any of that stuff meant (I really don't think he does). There is another kid he hangs with at the babysitter's who is trouble. His parents abandoned him (mom is a drug addict, and dad just doesn't care) so my babysitter "adopted" him and is raising him. He has 2 older brothers, so he may have heard this nonsense from them.

    I can say my son doesn't learn any of this at home. We do not allow him to watch inappropriate things on TV or anything, and there are no porno type movies in this house.

    So we kept asking him if he understands what this stuff all means, and he kept saying he didn't know. I don't know if he is hearing this from other kids at school or the kid at the babysitter's or what. But this is still bothering me. He does have some friends from sports that are older - maybe he hears things from them?

    The problem is - once you send them off into the world away from your protection, you don't know what they are learning - it is scary. Of course we have to send him to school...I just worry about what he is learning from these other kids who have older brothers who DO know what this stuff means.

    Since he kept insisting he didn't know why he wrote these things or what they meant, do I have reason to worry, or should I just let it go? We pounded it into his head that he is lucky his teacher didn't find this stupid note, or things could have been WAYYYYYYYYYY worse. All part of being a parent I suppose, but I want my innocent child back!
  7. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I feel for you. It must be so hard to raise kids these days. I always felt that the kids in my classroom that had stable, caring, loving parents were just fine and would be fine with a bright future ahead of them. What really matters is that he knows you and your husband care. It's true you can't shield him from the world and I honestly don't believe you have to.

    The children who acted out inappropriately had major dysfunction happening in their lives and it was very sad. I wouldn't consider this Cootie Catcher a big deal, I do think it's normal for kids today. They are growing up a lot faster than we did.

    Personally, I'd let it go now that you've addressed it although I might look into speaking to a counselor about it and/ or reading books on this aspect of parenting especially if it was bothering me. I think you and your husband handled it very well. Now he'll think about it and realize how embarrassing it would be for his teacher to see it and that will help him see that it's not a good activity to engage in . He's still your wonderful boy and you are both obviously excellent parents. Everything will be ok. He sounds like a total sweetie.

    No worries.

    [This Message was Edited on 11/03/2007]
  8. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Please forgive me if I left you with the impression that your TV had this garbage on it. I meant his peers, not your son.

    Did you ask him who was telling him these words? I think that would be a big help in deciding how to handle this.

    When you ask, don't fill in the silence. let it just hang there. Remember, you are dealing with a 3rd grader. They have to play many scenarios in their head before answering. The typical first response is "I don't know or I don't remember".

    He will be watching your body language to see how you are reacting.

    So let the silence happen. If he says nothing else for the next 4 minutes, then you could say something like,
    "maybe I can help you to remember, do you know where you were when you got these words?"

    That will at least tell you if it is at the babysitters, at a friend's house, or at school.

    When he tells you something, don't overreact. Curl your toes in your shoes, but don't let the upset look show on your face.
  9. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Although you might be surprised to have found this in your son's stuff, please do not be surprised at what the kids are talking about.

    You may not have exposed him to this stuff, but know that the minute they leave your home, they're exposed to it in the extremes.

    Very young kids are having sex....7th and 8th graders.....

    This is an opportunity to share your thoughts with your son...openly, honestly and in a language that he can understand.

    I always talked openly with my kids from the get go...and most times, it seemed like I was the only parent doing it.

    You live and daughter came home from her first week of kindergarden asking what 'suck my ####' meant, she heard it on the school bus. One of the older boys was singing that old song....She was 5 years old.

    Talking about sex with your kids will not make them have sex fact, knowing your opinions and values may keep them from having sex longer than other kids.

    I know...all of my talks worked for me and helped me to meet my goals. Both of my kids left my home as virgins.

    In this day and age, it was something to be proud of.

    Talk, talk and talk some more with your kids....there's simply no way to protect them from what they'll learn otherwise. It will open the door to open communication and trust me, as they get older, they'll need it even more.

    I'd much rather my kids hear the truth from me, than to have incorrect information from other kids.


    Nancy B
  10. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    it only gets more confusing. I would ask your child what the paper thing is called ( I remember them too), and what it means (just like you did). Since he's answered you a couple of times I would drop it, but know that there are some subjects you'll be needing to discuss with him, perhaps as the school year goes on. Once you realize everything you need to prepare a child for it can be overwhelming but having honest, open communication is probably best. My 10 year old daughter and I have had several discussions including drugs, sex, maturing...all hopefully at her level and I'll get more detailed as she grows. She HATES these talks,(wiggles around, plays with her hair, tries to change the subject) but I continue hoping it'll reach her somehow. I think you'll probably be more educated (?wrong word) about what these kids are into now also, which isn't a bad thing. I just recently learned about the 9-12 year old sex parties kids are having to see how many partners they could hook up with. Between that and having a pedophile for an ex-husband I keep feeling like I'm dropping the ball as far as protecting my daughter, so believe me, you're not alone.

    I think these kids will be ruling the Earth much earlier than expected. Maybe that's why everything is moving so fast.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts.

  11. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    I am a grandmother with grand kids in elementary school. Times have changed from my own childhood, and from the childhood of my children.

    During the 5:30 news last night on television was a commercial for erectile dysfunction. I am horrified.

    Is it no wonder the children know all they do?

    The average 8 year old knows more "words" regarding "stuff" than I knew as I entered college.

    Look at the billboards but mostly television. What is safe to allow your children to watch, you can't even view the nightly news ?
    [This Message was Edited on 11/04/2007]
  12. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I appreciate all of your feedback on this. I did speak to my son again today about this, as it bothers's just not like him. He is a good kid and has never gotten into any trouble. When I listen to him and his friends talk, they are usually always talking about Star Wars or cartoons or video games.....innocent stuff.

    I prodded again, and he admitted there is a new kid at school that told him to write those words - then he told me his name. (he's in 3rd grade also) Everytime I asked him what these words mean, he just says "I don't know" and gets very irritated - so I think he really does NOT know. This game is called the "push-button" game. I have seen it many times in his book bag and stuff - it just never had those words written before.

    I think I will let it go - we discussed it enough with him already. I will just watch to see if anything else comes up. It IS hard to raise kids these days with all the garbage out in the world for them to see. I was in elementary school in the 70's-80's and I was raised by strict Catholic family. Even back then, there were still some "loose" kids and I wasn't that way. I was so shocked when I got to high school and learned that a lot of the kids were having sex, since I wasn't. I would not have dared.

    Thanks for the support here - maybe I will look back and laugh about this.
  13. laceymae

    laceymae New Member

    Raising kids today you need a good sense of humor...

    Sorry,but kids are learning this at a very early age.

    Son drew a picture of mommy and daddy when he was in kindergarten with no clothes on.Now I don't know when he ever seen us nude(and I must say he was very nice to daddy)
    I made him color clothes on us. I was horrified when I found out this was in art class.

    He is 29 now and I still have the drawing. I get a lAugh out of it now.

    Does he have access to the computer? It is so disgusting some of the things that they have access to on here.

    good luck
  14. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    my son has said he was masterbating at a very young age..likely the same as not make a big deal out of it...

    approach him in a way that you can ask him if there are any questions he would like to know about sex....the more they know the less curious they are and they have found that they w/be less likely to engaged in sex at a early age.

    i used the saying,"it is against the law to have sex w/a person until they are both 18."

    show him pics of herpes and std's on the internet...tell him if a girl says she has a cold sore. she has herpes...

    well got to go tired now.

  15. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    I should probably research more detail before writing this, but I think that oral or mouth herpes gives considerable immune protection against genital herpes.

    A person who has had previous mouth type herpes is unlikely to have reaccuring genital herpes, but probably only an single, initial lesion.

    I assume that it would work in reverse, in that, if a person had reaccurent genital herpes then would only have an initial lesion of mouth herpes.

    Suppose that, logically, one could argue in favor of innoculating children with Herpes type I or mouth herpes, but a bit far out for even me to suggest.

    Though, before vaccinations developed, in some folk cultures it was customary to deliberately expose children to mumps, measles, chicken pox, especially if kids lived on an isolated farm. Quite a few diseases, like polio, are usually "harmless" for children but can be devastating to teenagers or adults.

    Hmmmm, 150 years ago I think it was legal in most states for 12 year olds to get married. I wonder what that was about.

    And, yes, there are some really scary pictures out there. Or should I say, "down there".
    And some great words(diseases), like Lymphogranuloma Venereum!
    (fortunately curable with antibiotics).

    Actually, it's starting feel like not fair and balanced the way that diseases keep striking the sexually active people. Seems like about time for a disease that would strike non-sexually active people:) Oh well, just another one of those "titanic thoughts", bound to quickly sink.

    Steadfastly yours, in sickness esp. or health, your mr Bill

    [This Message was Edited on 11/05/2007]
  16. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    I guess I'm not totally convinced that sex, innocence, and childhood, are directly related.

    It seems that maybe the introduction of hypocracy and collusion to hide "truths" and embarassment among adults could be more damaging to child than just awareness of sex, etc.

    I guess kids can play with GI Joe dolls and not instantly turn into un-innocent killers or soldiers.

    'Course maybe I have some unusual perspectives: Like, I suspect that adults don't want kids to know too much about sex because the kids might laugh too much at the embarassed adults:)

    Forgot to mention, I'm tired of the "tease" sex, etc. on TV. Like, more to life.
    And tired of people who seem to need to yell and yell swear or dirty words to affirm their important existence.
    Tired of the "beeps" in comedy routines even.

    From what I've seen of "world leaders" seems like the Dali Lama is only one who is secure enough,etc, to be childlike. sigh[This Message was Edited on 11/05/2007]
  17. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Oh Kjade,

    I am so glad that I do not have the responsibility of raising children anymore. I am afraid there is just so much of SEX being thrown at the children these days. Yes, I do believe in sex education and teaching children correctly but with all that is now on TV and the movies they don't have much of a chance. I have 5 children and Now I have 8 grandchildren. Even the clothes out in the stores for young children are more like the teenagers and some of the teenagers - oh my ! I have a 17 year old grandson and an almost 14 yr old grandaughter. It can be a worry.

    The game that you were talking about in my day was called "Cooties" where we lived, I think and it had nothing to do with sex. Yes, in those days there were kids doing all that stuff but it started in HS and I doubt if it was in elementary school (much anyway) but it wasn't almost pushed down our throats by the TV and Hollowood media (movies) all the time. All we see is men and women hopping in and out of bed with different people all the time (the soaps that I used to watch in the daytime are now unreal). Sorry, but I guess I am old fashioned but that is alot of the reason that I do not watch much TV or go to movies.

    I would hate to tell you how old I was when I found out about the "birds and the bees" theory , not that I believed in that(-: !! I am sure many of you older people feel the same way.

    *****It all sounds innocent to - me in your sons' case but just be aware now that you know where it came from. It is just out there everywhere and you can't shield him from it unfortunatly. Also be truthful with him if he starts asking questions. Lets face it too, that in some homes they have "dirty mouths" and do not think twice about talking about sex openily and saying things in a "dirty manner" with unsuitble words. Therefore it gets passed on to the children, even if the really young ones might not really know or understand what they are talking about.

    Madscientist - Yes, alot of what you say is true, I think but there is just to much of all this stuff around and many parents who really don't care and/or are way to permissive with their kids and either don't tell them anything OR they tell them too much of the wrong thing. I think it is almost easy to panic when you hear some of the stuff going on with younger and youger children !!!

    Good luck Kjade and it sounds like you are approaching your situation in a proper manner. Yes, try not to scare the kid out of his wits with all this stuff.

    Sorry if I kind of got off the subject of dirty words to sex but some of it is unfortunatly related. I wish it weren't.

    Warm hugs,


  18. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Well, an update on dh tried to talk to him a little more about this whole thing....neither of us really believe him about this "new kid" at school who we never heard of. Well, my dh gets it out of him that he lied - it was actually a girl in his class on a field trip who told him to write this stuff! WHAT!!!?????

    Why is he now lying to us? I just don't understand this! What are we doing wrong here? We have a very loving, warm house. We are only trying to teach our children good values - honesty, respect, decency, ect. Maybe I'm having a bad day (well not maybe - I know I am) but I can't help but blame myself for this somehow. (that is usually what I do when I don't have any answers - I blame myself). I have always had to work full-time so I'm not around the kids as much as I'd like - I HATE that. And with this dd I have, I just don't have the energy in the evening like I want.

    I don't understand the lies - we are almost preaching about honesty - my dh and I HATE liars - we just don't do it! Not even over something minor. I even asked my son if he was trying to protect someone - answer was no. This is so depressing.

  19. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member


    The only thing I can think of is that whoever said these things are just trying to act grown up cause she or he heard it someplace? Now where is the problem and the question??

    He could be lying hoping to get out of the whole mess and make it go away. He knows somehow from your reaction also that this was a wrong thing to do (whoever did it). He could also have been told by this girl or whoever not to mention this or else. Who know with kids. Not wanting to get into trouble or someone else he likes in trouble in his class could make him want to cover up to. Who knows, it is very disturbing I am sure.

    I know the lying is very upsetting to you. I don't know what else to say and what is in kids heads nowadays. I surely didn't have any of that in my head at 3rd grade but we weren't exposed to any of this stuff so young either..

    TTYL I have to run now. Hope all works out and you find out more about it. Not sure whether to pursue it anymore or not.

    KIds can drive you nuts, even when they are sweet and loving.


  20. 4everkid

    4everkid New Member

    We called those little paper guys "Mock-Mock's" idea why. I just can't believe Mock-Mock's have become sex themed along with everything else in the world.

    No matter how well you raise your child and censor their exposure to this type of thing, the minute they leave for Kindergarten they are exposed to everything every other kid knows or has heard of.

    Times have sure changed. The media is all sex all the time it seems. Its on prime time tv, the music on the radio, commercials, billboards, magazines. There is no escaping it. They learn it very early these days, and there is nothing you can do to stop it short of keeping them in a cage 24/7. And for this younger generation, it's just mundane everyday stuff, not the taboo topic it was when we were that young.

    It's sad that kids can't just have a simple innocent childhood like the old days, but sadly, that's how things are now.

    Our parents went through these same things with us. For me, my Mom's shock was over me wearing makeup in 7th grade, wearing pants like a man, and worst of all, miniskirts in the 70's. All trashy girl, nasty stuff, by her older generation standards. In her day, she probably went through the same thing with her mother by exposing her ankles in public and wearing rouge. Now we have 8-year-olds with paper sex puppets and preteen pregnancies in girls whose peers may not have even had their first period. What will these children's children be like?

    I blame the media. They need to tighten the reigns on the topics allowed to go uncensored in the view or hearing range of children. Kids will still learn stuff from older siblings or friends, or even promiscuous single parents, and there is little we can do to stop that. But it would help if it wasn't broadcast into our homes at family viewing times, printed on every billboard and magazine ad, and lamented about on half the top 40 songs.

    I feel for you kjade. I raised three kids. I know what it feels like to find out your precious little cherub is being exposed to things they are not ready for. We want them to stay carefree and innocent as long as possible. And this is such a touchy subject. You don't want to mess their little psyche's up by planting the idea that sex is filthy and nasty, and cause them issues later when they ARE old enough for it.

    I guess these days you have to give them the sex talk much earlier and explain how sex is how married people in true love express their feelings for each other. Somehow you have to plant the idea that is is not for young people to be concerned about until they are much MUCH older. Then take him to the toy store and buy him something fun to try to keep him young as long as possible.

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