HELP ME! Loss of loved ones---in different ways, I cannot cope

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by IntuneJune, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    I have been posting on the chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia board on this subject but some of you many not be aware of my situation and as I am in desperate need of prayers I thought I would come and plead for assistance.

    November 21, my husband’s birthday, we received calls from our three sons wishing him a happy birthday.

    The first was from our youngest who lives a few towns away.

    Then the second, who has been out of work for one year and is married to a beautiful woman and they have a two year old son called to let us know he accepted a position with a law firm in Cleveland, Ohio – we live in New England.

    Our third son, is an Army Helicopter pilot –the Apache (this is an attack helicopter), he is stationed in Korea to return to the USA and join a unit which is expected to deploy (again) to Iraq. My poor husband, --- happy birthday!

    My husband and I have been handling the stress differently (we have our whole marriage). I am, either talking things out—or crying, not sleeping (this is not the tossing and turning in bed type --this is pacing through the house at night 3:00 in the morning, if I get horizontal, my eyes fly open and stay opened if glued.0 While pacing the house at night, I eat.

    My husband is the “silent type” not talking about this at all and sleeping more. He has lost weight.

    At this moment I am trying to defer worrying about my Army son as his deployment to Iraq is not for awhile the latter part of this year and a lot could happen to change that.

    However, my grandson, who over the past six months has become my best buddy, lived with us almost a year presently living just a few towns away. Due to this proximity, we have “clicked.”

    This grandparenting love has taken me by surprise, folks had “warned me” but I never believed them. How could you love your grandchildren more than you love your own? They would answer, well you don’t but it is different. Oh has it ever been.

    Recently, I have received helped from a nurse practitioner in my PCP’s office who prescribed Klonopin. This has allowed me to fall asleep at night and has curbed my panic attacks during the day when I’m thinking about the kid’s move.

    My emotions are way out of control. I am functioning one minute and sobbing the next, including breaking down public places. I am worried about the situation in Cleveland, my D-I-L is due the end of March.

    I am lost as to why I cannot pull myself up by my boot straps.

    Twenty years ago, my father in law died ten days before Christmas, my Dad died suddenly from complications of leukemia and I held my mother through her sorrow, I held my mother while she was dying, a few years later my mother-in-law was rushed critically-ill HOURS before we were having a rehearsal dinner in our home for the wedding of my son and our D-I-L, I prayed she would not die on their wedding day. She died on their honeymoon and one week later we were following her coffin down the same aisle in the same church as the wedding.

    I have a deep faith. And while the events above were difficult at best, I felt guided and protected by the love of God.

    Why can’t I handle this???? I will miss my grandson so, yes also my son and D-I-L but my little buddy, -- I just cannot pull myself up by my bootstraps.

    Please help me. Thank you , fondly June
  2. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    Dear June,

    I can tell from your letter that you are going through a lot right now, and sometimes our emotions are hard to figure out.
    I know that the Lord understands what you are going through and I know that he has promised peace that passes all understanding to his children.

    I pray in the name of Jesus that you will feel this peace despite all the difficulties that are around you. Place your faith in HIM, and he will not fail you. It may not seem like anything good can come from these circumstances but it is really a wonderful opportunity for you to see the salvation of your God, and for you and He to draw closer to each other then ever.

    I think it is very hard when our children grow up and are so independent and move away. It leaves us feeling empty sometimes. Of course we know that this will happen someday and sort of prepare ourselves for that day, but maybe in your grandsons situation your grandson filled the empty nest and now you feel more alone. It's also hard when we as women communicate differently then our men do, and this only adds to our feelings of being alone. But the Holy Spirit is all around you and closer than even your grandson or family can be. Lean on Him, He will listen and wipe away your tears.

    I know that the Lord can lift you out of this, and fill all the empty places and turn your sorrow into to joy.
    I will pray for you and will be watching for the answer to my prayers.

    Hugs
    Takesha
  3. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Thank you for your prayers.

    I do pray on a regular basis, and in the past, when walking through crises, have felt His support guiding me, but right now, I am only feeling despare.

    Thank you, I need to keep hearing encouragements. Sadly, June
  4. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    from Ohio. You sweet lady, I have said some prayers for you and will continue. Adjustment, changes, and just accepting things that are different can be hard and difficult. I will continue to pray for the peace and calmness of our Heavenly Father for you and for your hubby who is handling this differently, but probably is as pained as your heart is. I am sorry this is causing you such distress, but try to remember....it is only a season. I do not have words, so...it is best I hush my heart, tongue and mind and go to the presence of our Lord and ask Him to show his presence to you...gentle hugs.

    Your grandson (buddy) is so fortunate to have your love!!!!! You will always be a blessing to him, regardless where you are...so keep strong..for him...hugs...
  5. danny3861

    danny3861 New Member

    Dear Lord,

    June is handling alot of different stresses in her life right now, please stay by her side and give her the strength she and her husband need to endure. I pray that June and her Husband find a way back to each other, as they certainly need each others support during this time. Give them both comfort and peace and draw them both closer to you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

    Danny
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am praying for you and your husband and for your entire family. This can't be easy for anyone.

    Sometimes, when life hands us losses, it reactivates old losses. We never truly "get over" losing someone, we just get through the worst of the grieveing. The loss is still there and sometimes other things bring it back to us.

    Can you access some therapy to help you through this time. If your husband would go too, it might allow you to comfort one another even though you are both handling this in different ways.

    God bless you.

    Love, Mikie
  7. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Monday morning,

    Since Friday, our grandson has been with us. The kids have been sleeping here and packing boxes etc in their home during the days and running other errands.. This has given my hubby and I an opportunity to get good quality one-on-one (two) time with our grandson. He is so good for us, so cooperative for a just- two-year-old, it has been such a blessing to have these last days with him. – So much so, I called out of work today and tomorrow which was difficult to do as I had only been back to work one week from that bronchitis-bout and next will be asking for vacation time when my granddaughter is born the end of March in Ohio.

    Last night we had a small birthday party for our youngest son’s girlfriend in our home. There are only six in our family in the State it was nice to sit around the table one last time, and we were wishing our son in the Army (Korea) and his wife were here.

    Before going to bed, I came to this board and was very comforted by what each of you had written, but at that point was too weary to respond:

    Scoobsmon—Thank you for your kind words—My little guy has no “word” for Grammy yet. He has “Ma,” “Da,” “Mi” (for uncle Mike), “Tig” for uncle Steven, “Gump” for Grampy, But nothing for Grammy. He was comical one day, when I pointed to myself and said “Who’s this” “shirt” he responded, I asked again this time pointing to my head, as indeed I had pointed to my shirt when pointing to my chest Who’s this? “Hair” he responded. Evidently he cannot say g-r-a-m-m-y.

    When he wonders where I am, I want him to be able to ask his Mom or Dad! It will be a long time before he realizes why we just stopped coming to see him frequently. This makes me sad, he is happy when we visit.

    Danny—Thank you for praying over me, this was so soothing before turning in. Thank you for your gift.

    Mikie--- Yes, it might be good idea to talk to someone about this. This is such a loss, for our youngest also who loved his brother, S-I-L and grandson. The three of us look a one another and wonder-now what happens. St. Patrick’s Day, Easter were big family days with everyone coming over. The three “boys” were always so funny, intentionally reverting back to old schemes on figuring out who was going to do the dishes, etc. They were active and boisterous---so that is gone. Maybe we need to do something really different for these holidays, rather than gathering at our home. I will keep your suggestion in mind.

    Thank you all for your kindnesses. It certainly was a better way to turn into bed last night knowing you were there for me. Love, June