Help My Sister From Florida Just Arrived

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by NyroFan, Nov 10, 2006.

  1. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    hello all:

    My sister (who I vist every Christmas in Florida) decided to make a trip up here as a suprise. I had 24 hours notice.

    Right now she is in the guest room and I thank my lucky stars that she likes to retire early with the TV.

    She has been so supportive of fibromyalgia, but I do not think she has seen it in action.

    I thought i would put myself into overdrive to please her, but then thought that it would not be honest.

    My problem: can I strike a balance between bringing her to the outlets in the area or just say I am in a flare?

    For the outlets I would need a cab (an expensive ride to them and I do mean expensive). I would dearly love to spend it on her, but the truth be told: I do not know what day I will be up to it. She wants to start tomorrow.

    She is two years younger than me and does not want to waste a $$$ on this trip.

    Truly, what would you do? She knows I have fibromyalgia, but has never seen it in action.

    When I have visited her in her Florida 50s community all I had to do was lay down near the pool and worry about nothing.

    Now she wants to hit all of the outlet and discount shops.
    I am in Brooklyn Heights and it only a subway ride to the places where the bargains are found.

    Now she is going to see fibro in action. I can not fake it.

    I want to just explain it to her, but I always visit her.
    She has never been here.

    What do I do?

    nyrofan



  2. spacee

    spacee Member

    I think you are going to have to "fess up". Lay the cards on the table. I sure hope it doesn't upset her, but be prepared that it could. But good golly....what else can you do?

    It isn't like you picked to have a flare.

    My sis is coming to visit me for a month in January (Florida too). I have already order a months worth of Colonix so that we can have a "spa" like cleaning time. She has terrible insommia and I want to see if this helps.

    My my heart is with you. I have been places where we have take a taxi two blocks (yep) to save my energy for where we were going. It did feel rather absurd to tell the taxi driver where we wanted to go. We laugh now.

    Hugs,

    Spacee
  3. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    Can she ride the subway to the oulets? She could have fun shopping on her own...I prefer that...then when she gets to your house you can be the audience for all her good buys.

    Maybe meet her for lunch one day, your treat...and just show tons of interest in her adventures, "deals", and whatever she wants to talk about.

    I bet she will go for this plan, I sure know I would!

    Jana
  4. I know, easier said then done..

    But, if she supports it, but, hasn't seen the ugly beast at full force...it's time she does, rather than you hiding.

    Awareness starts with family (who is most likely--SOME are, anyways--to understand, support, & help educate, once THEY fully understand) and then branches out from there.

    Explain to her, just like you did us, the differences, between visiting her (Florida, poolside, relaxation) and Brooklyn Heights-different weather, home/hostess-stress, time of year, etc..

    I'm sure, that she'll understand, the best anyone can that doesnt have this disease...maybe rent movies have a good movie night, new comedies, old classics, whatever you two like...try your best, but, I've learned, 'commit to nothing' for me, year round, but I have a *better* chance, from early spring (if no Indiana rain!)-summer, if not rediculously hot & humid..

    Winter just kills..


    Best wishes,

    Laura
  5. yjswan

    yjswan New Member

    Nyrofan,
    It sounds like your sister does not really understand what you are going through even though she is supportive. My approach would be to be honest and tell her everything you told us here. Besides, she is your sister, and she came to see you, not the outlet stores. She probably just thought it would be fun to get out and get some holiday shopping done together. Once she knows how you're feeling, she will probably either go herself or skip the shopping to spend time with you.

    Don't worry, it will work out. Sisterly love will see you through.
    yjswan
  6. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    As you know...I'm ususally brutally honest so here goes again.

    I think you sister is being rude to not only come up and surprise you but to rudely want to do things that are out of your range of possibilities.

    If she's supportive of fibromyalgia in any way, then she's done some research on the subject and she knows that there are good times and worse times and that surprising someone with a visit and an agenda is simply too much.

    She may want to visit the outlets for Christmas gifts, but that's her business and you aren't required to be the hostess. You didn't know she was coming nor can you control your DD.

    Do not try to go outside of your energy envelope. When she's gone, you'll still be trying to deal with the ramifications of her visit.

    Do not spend money that you can ill afford. Again, you'll be left with the ramifications after she leaves. That money for a cab could be spent much better on things that you need or a new supplement that you want to try.

    You are hosting your sister by accommodating her surprise visit. She can sleep at your home, leave her bags there and shop till she's content using the subway system. You two can share meals and long conversations.

    But you are never required to do more than you can do in the name of 'polite'.

    Simple tell her that your illness is rearing it's ugly head right now, that the cold weather bothers you (and that's why you enjoy your time at her house) and that you're simply unable to go out and about with her.

    You can let her know how pleased you are that she chose to make a surprise visit to you but next time, could the two of you discuss it in advance so you know that you might be able to go along and have fun with her?

    Anyway, you get the idea and I've gone on long enough.

    Give her a big hug and just tell her the truth...she's your sister afterall.

    Hugs,

    Nancy B


    [This Message was Edited on 11/10/2006]
  7. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Hello all:

    I needed all of that advice.

    Well, she has been with me for two days and we have been just sitting around the house.

    I told her that I would pay cab fare to get her to the places she wants to go. She has been in Florida for so many years that she forgot what it is like here.

    I guess I could put her on the subway, but I am afraid that she would really freak out.

    What is good about the visit is that she is really understanding about the disease.

    I can not believe how caring she really is.

    When I visit her in Florida she has given me the chance to rest and relax.

    Hard to believe: she is doing the same thing here. And I get a chance to be on the computer.

    I love her dearly. The rest of the family is already gone.

    She is giving me all the space and rest I need.

    So, Monday: off she goes into the city. I am in Brooklyn Heights and will give her all the cab money she needs to get to and fron New York (city).

    She is really excited about it and does not really mind about me not going.

    Could I make the trip? Probably, but I would need some really good rest for a few days after because of the walking and all.

    I decided to not take the chance.

    And sis is OK with all of it.

    She is older than me and enjoys just sitting and talking or watching TV.

    For such short notice for the visit (like one day) I can say that I am so happy she is here.

    I love her to death and I think she feels the same about me, but neither one of us will admit it. And that is OK.

    I am still taking your advice in case she decides she wants to go on another trip.

    You want to know what she bought after the trip to NY?
    Four purses. All from the same store she read about in Florida. Five bucks each.

    (I never mentioned the cab fare I gave her: round-trip).
    It is give and take I guess.

    Today we went to church. Then we went to a pancake house and had a really good time.

    I expect that she will fall into her pattern when home:
    read or watch TV.

    She is seven years older than me: 64.

    She told me she just wanted to get away and be with me for a while.

    But like someone said here on the message board when I visited her for Christmas: that is what sisters are for.

    Thank you for being here for me. I appreciate your advice so much.

    nyrofan
  8. wish_to_be_healthy

    wish_to_be_healthy New Member

    And that you are having a good visit with her...Yea!

    Glad tha you have that time together, and she understands,

    Suz
  9. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Why would you want to fake it?

    Since she arrived uninvited, she gets what is. You can offer her a bed (and TV), food and some conversation but beyond that, don't pretend. What is, is and she'll never understand your illness if you push and fake it. Besides, you'll suffer. Why do that?

    Hugs,

    Marta
  10. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Wow! She sounds like a peach, like you!

    How wonderful she has been so laid-back with you and you two have been able to spend this time together.

    You said you love each other and never say it...tell you what, surprise her and let her know you love her so so much, and appreciate her spending time just relaxing and being at home with you.

    She will probably cry, and actually, she really wanted to hear you say it first. My brother is like that; I always say I love you at end of telephone call and then just WAIT...HA!...he drags it out of himself to say it back, its so cute.

    Enjoy the rest of your visit. I can't wait to hear what else she buys...duh, why 4 purses? Is she planning on packing all this to take back to Fl? Or will she ask you to ship it, heaven forbid!

    Waiting on pins and needles, and it's not even my neuropathy, LOL

    Hugs, dear person
    findmind
  11. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Having even one family member who is caring and understanding is good medicine. I'm lucky as all my family is so understanding of my needs.

    Enjoy your sis and head on down to sunny FL but wait until this cold snap is gone. We are all wearing jackets and the pool is empty. It's too cold even for the visiting Yankees :)

    Love, Mikie