Help on a situation at my house...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LedaMoon, Sep 7, 2002.

  1. LedaMoon

    LedaMoon New Member

    Though my boyfriend is just about wonderful in every way he is driving me nuts. Ever since my diagonses he has started acting different. At times he can be very loving, than the next minute he is very stand offish. OK i know this is not just a disease that effects us, it also effects our family, friends and so on. So last night i decided to ask him if he was having second thoughts about our relationship because of my illness. For a bit of history, his mother also has Fibro and CFS. She is on an overload of meds to the point that she is in a virtual coma. We have tried to talk to her about this and have talked to her husband. Neither will take a stand against the doctors and have the meds changed. So for the last few years or so he has watched his mother become addicted to many medications and basically pack it in like she is waiting for death. He told me last night that he doesn't want to be his father. He doesn't want a partner that is no longer apart of the living. He knows what meds i'm on and he knows that i am trying to stay away from taking narcs. But he swears that no matter what i try i will turn into his mother sooner or later. That i will eventually go into a drug induced stage. How can i make him see that there is hope. That not everyone with Fibro is like this. We have a friend that also has Fibro and she has put herself also in a drug induced stage. I don't want that for myself, but he doesn't see how i will not become like them. Anyone got any suggestions? Thanks and sorry this is so long.
    >>>Barb<<<
  2. LedaMoon

    LedaMoon New Member

    Though my boyfriend is just about wonderful in every way he is driving me nuts. Ever since my diagonses he has started acting different. At times he can be very loving, than the next minute he is very stand offish. OK i know this is not just a disease that effects us, it also effects our family, friends and so on. So last night i decided to ask him if he was having second thoughts about our relationship because of my illness. For a bit of history, his mother also has Fibro and CFS. She is on an overload of meds to the point that she is in a virtual coma. We have tried to talk to her about this and have talked to her husband. Neither will take a stand against the doctors and have the meds changed. So for the last few years or so he has watched his mother become addicted to many medications and basically pack it in like she is waiting for death. He told me last night that he doesn't want to be his father. He doesn't want a partner that is no longer apart of the living. He knows what meds i'm on and he knows that i am trying to stay away from taking narcs. But he swears that no matter what i try i will turn into his mother sooner or later. That i will eventually go into a drug induced stage. How can i make him see that there is hope. That not everyone with Fibro is like this. We have a friend that also has Fibro and she has put herself also in a drug induced stage. I don't want that for myself, but he doesn't see how i will not become like them. Anyone got any suggestions? Thanks and sorry this is so long.
    >>>Barb<<<
  3. ohmyaching

    ohmyaching New Member

    Appreciate your boyfriend for his honesty. Good relationships are built on honesty. If he is feeling uncertain that's something he will have to work out for himself. It may be best to be content with what you have and not pressure him about the relationship. Stay positive. Relationships are hard for people with FM and I wish you all the best.
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    That is a hard situation you just described. I can see your boyfriends point, and yours too.

    Maybe you could let him know that seeing what too much meds can do to others, that it would be a lesson for you not to get caught up in the same net.

    I have had Fibro for 20 years, I did take drugs in the beginning, but realized that they were not helping but causing me, 'personally'more harm than good.

    I now only take one prescription drug, a low dose of Xanax(0.25 milligrams)at 6pm only to calm my 'racing brain' so that I can sleep( I will take half that dose if I feel an anxiety attack comeing on, but they are very infrequent now).

    Everything I take other than Xanax is supplements and herbs. I have never been better in 20 years! If the pain is bad, I will take OTC Advil gel caps. But not too often as I also have IBS.

    I sure wish you the best in your relationship, and keep educating yourself and your boyfriend, also let your boyfriend know that all of us are different, what works for some does not work for others.

    You take care, and try not to get too stressed over this, as stress is one of our worst enemys.

    Shalom, Shirl
  5. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    Never apologize for a lengthy post! Check out most of mine, lol

    Ohmyaching & Shirl both have good points. You could also mention that you are able to learn more abt alternatives b/c of the internet; info that his mom wouldn't have had, not to mention the fact that they are learning more & more every day about things that work. I'm not saying you won't have bad days, but hopefully they'll be more good than bad.

    I know with my mom, it was an uphill battle to be assertive w/ her drs...the old school still believes that drs are Godlike. You are a woman of the 20s & won't hesitate to question or take your care into your own hands.

    I've always said having a positive attitude is over half the battle. Give him a little time to take this all in; my hubby still has a few days that he seems irritable...I know it's cause he hates to see me hurting. In my most humble opinion, if you both love each other you'll get thru this, but you need a lifetime partner who's going to accept you & support you. Best wishes to you Barb. Know that we're here for you. (See what I mean abt my long posts, lol) Michele