Help Please Disability Question re: Children

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Cyndi40, May 5, 2006.

  1. Cyndi40

    Cyndi40 New Member

    Hi everyone...
    I have a little question that I hope someone can help me with. My hearing is finally set for next week. My lawyer is *cramming* information here at the last minute. I have been so unhappy with this firm, as they have some seriously huge television commercials about "let us do the worrying"... and now they've had me doing nearly ALL their footwork, retrieving medical records for them, making phone calls on their behalf, etc... and they've had my file for like 2 and 1/2 years and I've asked them all along is there anything I can do to help push this along.. and they always let me know it was under control... well, if it was, why are they cramming this late for information for the hearing next week? GRRR... sorry, had to get that off my chest...

    My MAIN question is this: They sent me a form about any children who were living with me under the age of 18 and were living with me when I became ill. Well, my boys are grown now, but my youngest hasn't quite turned 18 yet. Our last court papers named me primary custodian and he moved to live with his dad in another state (not too far from here) so he would have a better chance of going to a better school by being able to play a sport that is close to a college that "scouts" for this sport and gives scholarships. He hasn't lived with me for awhile although the decision was made amicably between me and his father and we didn't go back to court to name his custodial parent. The attorneys are telling me that since he was with me when I first became ill that he might be able to get a separate check from disability as well. The problem is this... his father is money hungry (sorry to sound mean, it's just the truth)... IF he found out that I was even filing for disability, he would try to take part of it for child support (I know him all too well)... He would probably not want to let my son have the settlement that he may be entitled to. I've been through so much with my ex and his wife and a lot of it has been over money, so hopefully you see why I've not even told them that I filed for disability about 2 and 1/2 years ago. I didn't want them to interfere in any way (like trying to somehow knock me out of any benefits, etc.). If I do sign this paper for my son, and IF he has any entitlement for a settlement as well, I don't want to rob him of such. It would come in handy for him as he is going to need a car as well as other things when he starts college this next year. I am so torn about what to do. The attorney says that his dad/ my ex will have to sign the paperwork, since he is now residing mostly in their home. I just know what kind of problems I will run into with this and I'm not sure it's even worth it. I would appreciate it SO much if someone could PLEASE give me some advice. I realize that every situation is completely different, but I just don't want my ex knowing my personal business, especially if it has anything to do with money. I don't even know if the amount would be large enough to even worry about, ya know?

    I'm so sorry this is so long. I'm just a wreck right now because the hearing is in a few days and my lawyers are now calling me sometimes twice a day asking if I've done this or if I've done that... and I have to go to a UPS center today to send out an overnight package of paperwork that I had to fill out once again because they (the attorneys) cannot find in their records. I have to pay to do so as well (grrrrrrrrr!!). I also am having yet a new health problem with my heart. They have found some problems with a valve that is not working properly... so I'm having anxiety attacks or palpatations or a mixture of both. I should be able to relax right now, especially after what these attorneys claim on their nationwide commercials. I wish I hadn't retained them now, but I can't fix that now... there were things I didn't know until this past week about them not having all my paperwork, so it's a little late to fix that :( I could just scream and that's not even my personality :( :( Sorry for complaining so badly and if you were nice enough to read all of this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I nearly called a local attorney a couple of days ago, but I'm sure that would have put my case way behind again waiting for another hearing... well, I figure it would've anyway. Thanks for ANY advice about what to do. God bless you all and I hope you are finding relief today! And if you are a praying person, PLEASE pray for me today.. I honestly feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown :( :(
    Cyndi
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    unless you both went to court for child support issues or redoing the visitation stuff...

    he has not taken the time to take you to court...so that is on him....

    i do not know about the child keeping the money soley that is up to you...you can be the custodial parent and that is money for your use for raising that child...so i would not agree to have the check in the child's name...unless you are well off and you feel he handles it well...

    but your kid does not need to know...and trust me it could be a year or longer before they are ready to dispurse the funds in his name...

    jodie
  3. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Unless they were going to backdate....the other thing is that my DH gets $538 disability, plus $92 for me and $92 for Danny and ours was never backdated, though his was for a year, even though he really should have had it for many years.

    I would hate you to get into trouble re the child being 18 and not living with you. I cannot understand why it took the lawyers so long to file, I did my DH's in about three weeks and did all the interviews by phone.

    Love Anne C
  4. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    Social Security ends on his 18th birtday or the end of his senior year in high school.Linda
  5. Cyndi40

    Cyndi40 New Member

    Thank you all SO much for the info!! Prickles, you gave me a much needed laugh when you said you thought my post said "chicken" LOL! Gigi, I think we're probably talking about the same practice as well. I think you answered my questions so greatly and you've put my mind at ease. You just have no idea how much you've put it at ease. I thank all the rest of you for your comments as well. I understand a little better what I need to do in regards to the paperwork for my son. He turns 18 soon, so it would just complicate things with my ex/ his dad to know my business. I will take your advice Gigi to try and stay close on the boards these next few days because my nerves have been so torn up. Thanks SO much for your prayers. Those are appreciated more than anything. God bless you all with moments free of pain. Hugs!!
    Love
    Cyndi
  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i don't know how far they are going ot back date money for kids....

    but from my understanding it does not get calculated into the c/s payments or money you earn....

    plus this is such a joke i supposedly owe back the money they gave me for my child....and are with holding money for my child...it is all crazy now...

    nodie
  7. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    I am sooooo sorry you are going thru this!!!:>(

    With what we go thru with this DD.It is not fair that we have to fight for some help,( I felt like I was begging).

    I have no answers for you Because I am filing in Canada and I believe the States and other countries are different.
    And I am awaiting an answer from mine!!Scared to death!!!!

    But hun I will pray for you!!God bless you,its hard!!!
    AND NOT FAIR!!!!:>(

    Please keep us in touch.
    gentle hugs
    Jordane
  8. Cyndi40

    Cyndi40 New Member

    I was on the phone with my attorney today doing the "briefing".... I was told, once again, that the judge who is presiding over my case is very tough. When the other lawyer in the practice told me this months ago I was in tears and have been horrified since. Well, the attorney who is actually representing me told me the same thing today and I told her my nerves have been torn up over that fact, she apologized and acted like she wished he nor she had told me about that judge. He has a very bad reputation with being hard to deal with and it's just so hard ... I mean, the pain is real. I will be totally truthful. I can't lie. I have very good records (the attorney even told me this today during briefing me) from my doctor and I don't mean to bellyache, but yes it is so wrong for us to have to go through this... constant pain and loss of life as we knew it is bad enough, but having to "beg" is really really awful when we live in America, where we are supposed to be "free". Yes, Jodie, you are so right in what you said. I feel so sad right now. I have cried for nearly two days in a row on and off, worrying and in pain... after I got off the phone with her, I broke down again in tears and just knelt down to pray to God to help me get through this. I honestly didn't even know how to pray at that point. All I could do was humble myself and say "help me, please... I love YOU"... I feel awful complaining, because I know there are those of you out there dealing with worse things than I, but I just don't know what I will do if this doesn't pass... and after waiting all this time, it would really be tough if I was told "no"... and it's so unfair that *certain* judges are allowed to treat people unfairly. Thanks for your sweet, caring and loving responses and for your prayers. Without God, I would surely be hopeless. God bless you all who battle with this mess as I do... I can't wait to get to heaven! He did promise He would not allow more than we can bear, so I have to hold fast to that promise...I've not been in this deep of a depression in a very long time. I can't hardly make myself eat, it's that bad. Your prayers are so greatly appreciated... sorry for repeating, my mind and thoughts are so scattered right now.
  9. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I was not pleased with them and got very sick over the whole thing.

    I have a friend that gave me the name of a local firm.I called them 4 weeks before my hearing.

    I had also gotten all my records for the other firm and kept copies .The local firm took my case.I gave them copies of everything I had.

    They were awesome and I won my case.I got a bench approval.They went back 3 years.

    As for your son.You know the situation with your ex.Its up to you what you decide to do.Please remember that not all get there dates set back to the beginning of this DD.

    It depends on what your going to get so if its not retro he may not get much.

    And also the law firm is pushing you for this cause the more you and your son gets they make more money.I know they only get 25% if you get approved retro and lets say its 5,000.00 and your son gets 1,000.00 they get it from both of you.

    I will keep you and your son in my prayers.Please keep us updated.

    Hugs and Prayers

    Sue
  10. Cyndi40

    Cyndi40 New Member

    Thanks so so much to everyone again!!

    Gigi, she just mostly said (as did the other lawyer a couple of months ago) that the judge is tough, not really unfair I guess... she did tell me that my answers today were credible (what you said to me here) and that she felt after briefing me today that I should do fine as she felt I had a good case as far as my doctor's reports that were really complete and concise (can't remember word for word)... so she pretty much told me the same, not to worry... it's just hard not to when they add onto the stress that you already have by telling you that the man making the decision is a tough guy ... I am just really sensitive these days and I can truly tell that stress really makes a huge difference with this illness as the pain has gotten so much worse these past few days. Gigi, wish you could come and go with me! LOL... you always know what to say to make me feel better! :) Sounds like we have kindred spirits. I hope I'm just worrying about nothing, I really do. I just need to calm down and let God have this mess, because the worst thing that can happen is this judge can say "no"... it will hurt and it would be very hard for me, but I will find some way to make it as I know that God has taken care of me thus far.

    Anyway, thanks to you all for taking time to read and make comments... it's really amazing how it comforts to be able to get these things off your heart and read others thoughts. God bless you all!
    Love,
    Cyndi
  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    you reminded me of how i cried on the phone to my attorney...it is normal i beleive...

    did you call the congreesman's office to get a congressional inquiry yet for a financial hardship to hlep move up the process...?

    i urge you to ge the strength for tomarrow to just p/u phone and tell them how you will be out of your home etc...and need any help for a hardship inquiry to speed up a decision...tell them you realize they can not make the decision but would like any help to get this in motion faster because you will be homeless...

    and cydni remember if the attorney is taking your case and doing work on it...that they do not get paid if they do not win the case for you...so they are not going to take a case if they think they will lose! nomoney for them


    jodie
  12. Cyndi40

    Cyndi40 New Member

    Gigi...(I never spell your screen name right lol!) I wish you lived next door to me!!! I could sure use the conversation over a cup of tea right now. It's the day before my hearing and I'm pretty much feeling lost today... feeling paralyzed... just praying for God to help me... can't explain how I feel even. You just seem to totally understand where I'm coming from. I truly understand why we can't give out our email or personal information, but for some reason, I feel that kindred spirit with you and again, wish you lived next door today more than ever!

    I'm also thankful for all the rest of you who have helped me these past few days... Don't mean to make you think you haven't been important to me also... thanks for your prayers and for caring about me as well as others here. This is a precious community. I only hope others who find themselves in the places we are can find this site. Thanks so so much to the owners... thanks from the bottom of my heart for keeping this site alive and active. Even though I'm not so active and I lurk mostly, I'm so thankful it's here.

    Love and trying to get through this next day and a half,
    Cyndi
    [This Message was Edited on 05/10/2006]
  13. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I just wanted to tell you my advocate said the same thing about my judge. She also said I had good record's from my doctor's and I was credible, and that is all the judge want's to see.

    I'm sorry your attorney's failed you, as far as doing the work at the last minute and having you do the leg work, but if they are good, in the end that's what mater's now.

    try not to wory, just be honest, you'll do fine. Then you can relax and begin to concentrate on taking care of you!:)

    Best wishes,
    Claudia