Help Stuck and Need to Move On

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SusanEU, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I know that I need to pick up and get on with my life, but I feel so stuck right now. Like sometimes in denial, sometimes feeling like my life is virtually over.

    All your life when you get sick there is a beginning and an end, except now. I feel helpless, too, like why can't I just exercise and live healthier and get better.

    Are there stages that we go through after diagnosis before settling into reality and getting on with it?

    Sue in Ontario
  2. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    Hi Sue,
    This is a problem that all of us face. The denial is very natural in the beginning and some times I wonder if I am still in denial! Many of us have likened this disease to riding a roller coaster.It's hard to stay in control. For most, it does get better; some gain a better measure of control than others.
    The unpredictability of the disease is what's the hardest for me. Moving on means being able to commit to things and I still find that difficult. The best advice I have is to take things one day at a time for now. Try not to be too impatient. When you are first diagnosed, you need a lot of rest anyway.
    The answers will come but they will come gradually. Keep writing down your feelings, though. That is an important part of all this too.

    Take Care.
    Kathy.
  3. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Thanks for the encouragement ladies.

    I started a journal, but I do have to discipline myself to keep it up.

    I know there are good days ahead, just have to wrap my head around it, I guess.

    Sue in Ontario
  4. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    You say that you feel that your life is virtually over. You may be grieving the life that you have lost. This is not uncommon with major, life changing(reducing) illness. A grief counselor might be a better place to start than a depression councilor. If you have CFS, SSRIs are not a good idea.
  5. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I did't really think I was depressed, but I don't know now, I am very isolated.

    I should take the Effexor the dr gave me, but I'm just so darn afraid of those drugs.

    And yes, I think I am grieving the old me, funny, pretty, outgoing. Sure nothing like that anymore, sigh....

    Sue
  6. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    many years ago, I taught job training programs where people on welfare were forced to attend or loose their allowances. This was an awful thing for them. I diliked the way it was done.

    So I used to have a group of 20 people at a time who were forced to come to my classes, that ran all day, learning job training, resumes and motivational tools. The classes ran for 6 weeks.

    The first day they would arrive so angry, but usually by the end of the day they realised I did not make the rules and I was on their side. At the end of the six weeks they were not wanting to say goodbye!

    Mostly, these were people who had never worked or had not worked for a very long time. Some were quite sick really too. Many were third generation welfare families.

    However, as the days went on, the changes in people were dramatic. Coming in nicer dressed, being more polite etc. Then realizing they all had some worth, something they could do. Mostly it was that they had become stuck in a habit. They began to see a different reflection of themselves. It was a wonder to observe.

    Almost all went on to change their lives but you know what, it took someone to show them how to believe in themselves again or even for the first time ever. That was the main thing. Even those who could just about manage to work for a few hours felt better about themselves. It is really just taking one small step at a time. Change one thing to a positive every couple of days.

    It really works. I also think it helped some of the really sick people too who I was shocked had been forced to attend, cruel even, but you know, just attending when they were able to, helped them see they were more than just their illness.

    When you talk about a beginning and an end, that may not be possible, but we can try and get the "middle" working a bit better for ourselves.

    I have been waiting for new results before I apply for a job outside the home (I've been self employed for years, yet also not working when this sick) Also, at 59 I know some person of 26 is going to probably interview me.....
    I don't want full time work, so I thought what I may do is just see if I can volunteer for two hours a week, maybe at victim abuse, or even as a listening ear telephone person, or crisis hotline. I don't know. I do know I am not wearing my PJ's all day in future.

    It really is baby steps. I think of those hostages and people like that, I recall the man who survived being held hostage for 2 years by dreaming up different travel plans, then house plans, all in his head, to keep motivated.

    I do think this DD robs us of motivation, probably because there is no real treatment. It is not like we are told, "Take this course of action and you will see improvements" it is all so touch and go. I think this makes it hard for us to feel in any way in control, which makes us feel helpless and hopeless. We have to try and make lemonade in some way out of the lemons we have been handed I guess.

    I don't know if this will make any sense to you or even help but I hope it will a little. Also, I think a lot of us feel trapped in this lethargy too.

    God Bless,
    Love Anne C
  7. elsa

    elsa New Member

    Beautifully written Ann ....

    Sue, that was good thoughts shared with you .... Yes, grief and denial are normal steps to go through. So is guilt. Experience them then let them go .... maybe with the help of someone with training.

    You are not necessarily sentenced to this low point indefinately. Remission is real ..... several of us who post are in remission. It doesn't have to take 15 years to reach it either. I was declared "early remission" about 1 1/2 yrs after diagnosis.

    You will always have fibro until a cure comes down the pike, but a new, good life with fibro is possible. Baby steps .... one at a time.

    Take care,

    Elsa
  8. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Thank you all for your encouraging words.

    I have had a decent weekend, cleaned my house and got some work done. Still undecided about the antidepressants and I am seeing a naturopath on Wednesday.

    It means a lot that you take the time for encouragement and advice.

    Sue in Ontario
  9. elsa

    elsa New Member

    Good luck with the ND. I have one that has helped me. AD's are not the route for me either but I don't have a co-diagnosis of fibro/depression.

    I did use 5-HTP, and mucana pruiens (for l-dopa) ... both these things helped serotonin and dopamine which AD's like to do too ....

    It's just these are the naturally occurring building blocks where the AD's are not.

    Either way, I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you ...

    E.
  10. angeleyes3815

    angeleyes3815 New Member

    Hi SusanEU,
    I don't think there is any one person that feels the same but we all understand. I feel like i don't know who i am any more. the old me was pretty,out going rideing horse's going to all funtions at school and so much more. The me now lays around all day cuz i'm depressed so bad i would love to just find some help to make me feel better for a day but then we would just want another day. I can't tell you how things are going to happen cuz they have never gotten better for me just keep getting bad. i do know that for some it dose get better i will keep you in my prayers that you are one of the few that doses get better.
    I hope i helped and hope to hear back from you.
    angeleyes3815
  11. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Sorry to be so long to get back, have had a couple of rough days.

    Your encouragement is truly heartwarming and it means a lot that I'm not alone in this.

    God Bless You All!


    Sue in Ontario