Help with my Dad

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by tippersmom, May 25, 2004.

  1. tippersmom

    tippersmom New Member

    My Dad is 82, and insists on taking care of my mom, who is in the early stages of alzheimers. He CAN'T! He loses his patience, raises his voice at her, she cries. I'm trying to get him to understand the disease, but he is having a hard time with everything. My brother wants them to move next to him and his wife and teenage daughters, so that they can help, but he is adamant about NOT moving. My parents live 45 minutes away from me and my brother. I'm trying to hold down a full time job, coping with my fibromyalgia, and trying to be there for them, when he calls me at all hours with an emergency dealing with my mom. What do I do? Tomorrow I'm speaking with her Dr. and I'm going to try to get her on a new medication (Aricept), but the last time we tried (a year ago), he wasn't diligent enough on giving her the meds, and she ended up taking too much, and we ended up in the ER, at midnight. So we forgot that. Now I'm going to try again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I don't have any help to offer except my prayers. I hope someone can come along with some good suggestions for you. We do have and Alzheimers Board and perhaps someone there can help you.

    Love, Mikie
  3. susabar

    susabar New Member

    Here is what I would do.... remember it's always easy to see the answer to someone elses problem.

    Set Parameters... set boundries... sit down and write out a plan, or get a professional to help you. Don't let your father's lack of planning etc... create an emergency for you. Let your father know what the plan is and then stick to it. If you always rescue him he will always depend on you. There is nothing worse than someone complaining and crying about something but then refuse to do anything about it!!! You will have to be firm and say, " We cannot help you unless you stay with us, because it will be more convient for us " Etc....

    My prayers are with you
    God Bless
    Sue
  4. Yesh

    Yesh New Member

    MY SUGGESTION, SEE IF YOU CAN HAVE A HOME HELTH AID OR NURSE COME IN EVERY DAY TO ASSIST YOUR MOM. USUALLY MEDICAID AND MEDICARE COVER THESE CHARGES SO THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY OUT OF POCKET EXPENSES. TRY CALLING THE DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL SERVICES TO WHAT SERVICES ARE ABAILABLE FOR YOUR MOM.

    YOUR DAD MAY NOT BE TO KEEN ON THE IDEA AT FIRST, BUT YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR MOTHER NOT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FATHER. BESIDES, MAYBE YOUR FATHER WILL LISTEN AND GAIN A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR MOTHER'S CONDITION IF HE HEARS IF FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

    WHEN MY MOTHER AND FATHER CAME UP FROM FLORIDA FOR A VISIT, MY BROTHER AND SISITERS, ALONG WITH MYSLEF, ALL KNEW MY MOTHER DID NOT HAVE LONG TO LIVE, SHE HAD CANCER. MY MOTHER'S DOCTOR DID TELL MY PARENTS THE PROGNOSIS, SO MY DAD DID NOT THINK ABOUT MY MOTHER'S PASSING.

    I WENT DOWN TO FLORIDA TO CARE FOR MY MOTHER THE DAY AFTER THEY RETURNED HOME, MUCH TO THE OBJECTION OF MY FATHER.I ARRIVED ON A WEDNESDAY, AND MY MOTHER DIED THURSDAY NIGHT.
    AFTER ALL HIS COMPLAINING AND ARGUING WITH ME, MY FATHER WAS GLAD I WAS THERE. I THINK BECAUSE HE HEARD THE TRUTH BEFORE MY MOTHER PASSED ON AND THE SHOCK WAS NOT AS INTENSE.

    GOOD LUCK, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU

    YESH