help with panicked husband

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by wren7, May 21, 2003.

  1. wren7

    wren7 New Member

    i need any advice on how to help my husband cope with my fibro. he is an ACOA and suffered through abusive parents, still dealing with a manic-depressive mother in denial. my flares trigger panic and distance. he is trying to deal with this by therapy and talking to me but... i know its a big question but i need any advice that might help me/us live through this.its so hard for me to help him when i am struggling myself.many thanks
  2. kgg

    kgg New Member

    Atleast for my husband. He slowly came to some acceptance but it took him a while. My suggestion would be for him to connect with other husbands (one's that are supportive of their spouse). Maybe one's from the local CFS/FM support group in your area. There's something about learning that you are not alone in dealing with these challenges that helps.

    It also helped my husband when I was able to see past my pain and fatigue to acknowledge how this DD affected his life. The main one being that his social activities were hampered by my illness. I needed to encourage him to get out and do things, and it was ok that I stayed home. He finally took some golfing lessons. It was good for him.
  3. bwoodruff

    bwoodruff New Member

    The best thing for my hubby was to learn as much as he could about my condition, and to keep the lines of communication open.

    I'm not very good about admitting when I'm not feeling well - I don't like this stupid illness getting in the way of my life, but it does - so I had too learn that I needed to tell him how I was feeling and if I wasn't up to doing something to not force myself to do it.

    There are many wise souls on this board - I'm sure you'll find lots of great suggestions that will help you here!

    Good luck to both of you!
  4. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    Please, please buy the book "The Fibromyalgia Advocate" by Dr. Devin Starlanyl!!! I think it costs around $20 at Amazon, plus is available in many local bookstores. She has written another book on fibro, the "Survival Manual" which is great, but it is the "Advocate" that delves deeply into the real nuts-and-bolts of how we cope day-to-day with this illness, including a lot about how we can better communicate with our spouses, & how they can understand & help us better. I think it would be a great resource for both of you! When I first got fibro, my husband found this book for me, mainly to help ME---but it ended up helping both of us a lot!! It's so much more than just another book on fibro....

    Good luck, Wren---- I'm not sure how long you've had FM, but I think the longer we all have a history with this illness (for me it's been only 4 years) the easier it gets to get through the ups & have some recognizeable patterns & even though they're unpredictable---maybe some flares are short, while others seem to go on forever---you DO get through them & your husband will see that you can survive them. My husband has Type II diabetes---more predictable than FM---but we have kind of a good understanding about each other's illnesses, since we both have them. He was the one who found this board for me----since he had found the diabetes forums useful for himself. Anyway, really, check out this book---it's the one book I consistently recommend even though there are a lot of newer ones on fibro.....

  5. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi Wren, welcome to the board. Like some of the others said, a good book should be of help to you. It is hard for husband's to understand this illness.

    My favorite is ' Fibromyalgia & Chronic Muofascial Pain Syndrome' by Devin Starlanyl, MD.

    I read the entire book to my husband, thats when he finally 'got it' with this illlness.

    Hope you find some help soon.

    Again, welcome to the board.

    Shalom, Shirl
  6. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    I am a Fibro patient, but I am also an ACOA. I would never have achieved the great marriage I have now without ACOA meetings. Are there any he can go to in your area? You can find them by looking up Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book and asking them, since they usually know where the ACOA folks meet, at least that's how I found them, after two bad marriages and lots of other bad relationships. There are books for ACOA's that help too. I especially liked "A Primer on Adult Children of Alcoholics" by Timmen L. Cermak, M.D. It is a very short book. I hope it is still in print so you can find it. It sounds like you are communicating well with him, and that is great. It took my wonderful husband a long time to understand because his family is never sick, and he accepted but did not really "get" it until he came down with severe osteoarthritis from all the years of doing physical work. Now he is totally understanding.
    Don't expect overnight results...just keep on talking.
  7. AC77

    AC77 New Member

    hate to sound like a typical dr. but with the Hx of his mothers bipolar and his panic, and PTSD which can be comorbid he needs to be on a mood stablizer that may help with anxiety, such as topamax or depakote and short-term, PRN use of Ativan for him to get over the hump and and then ONLY as needed. Talking is not going to make panic go away. been there done that, seen it and it rarely, if ever works. CBT is the only therapy I have any faith in. An antidepressant in his case is the way to go. I recommend Lexapro and Zoloft and also, Prozac for refractory conditions. Naltrxone has shown some promise in PTSD type symptomsm--this would be off label and requires furhter research.