Here I am whinning again I just ache so much

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Dec 11, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Dear Friends,

    Here I am again in pain all aover as usual but then I hvae the added effects of having a tooth pulled and it is still sore & deep in my jaw aches as does the tooth in front of the one I had pulled so I am afaird of havng to have a root canal may be it I keep taking the advil it will ease the swelling in the rest of my jaw. It does help alot funny it seems it does not help with my other pain but my teeth it helps stop that aching.

    Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with my inlaws for the annual family party. It was lots of fin but the drive was a long one and being around all the people who are all family and I love them but all the babies who are crying and yelling and the older ones who are fighting to just get attention. I love them all but the noise just seems to get to me all of it louder and louder than it used to be. So i felt like everyone were justs "YELING ALL THE TIME".

    We visited for a while and then came home but had to stop to pick out a presant for our new grandson who is 8 years old and loves John Deer Tractors so we got him a middle sized one for chirstmas. And I think he will love it.It does amaze me that lights & sound all are so very much louder & bright in big buildings & movies& crowds too.
    By the time we left I had a great headache and my body just all ached all over. I was so stressed and hurting.

    Today I have been almost in tears all day long. my face and teeth really hurt as does my upper and lower jaws do. My teeth hurt adn some of them don't have a reason to hurt , then add my aching legs who ache so deeply that I could crawl into the hottest bath tub and it would not reach deep enough to the pain. I am hurting so much as I sit here I am in tears now as I write to you all, I know taht I am no different than the rest of you are, but then I hvae days like today where I am hurting so badly that nothing is really helping me. I am having such a day. I just wish that my legs ache would stop aching and feeling the pain that reaches into my body so deeply and there feels like there is not a end this pain now . Right now and make this pain leave me and begone.

    But I know it wil not happen ever , Pain meds do help and ease my apin so what but they never really take it all away from me I am always in pain . I feel sorry for me as I am overweight and with the back problems i have and the knees problems that I have I walk like a pregnant lady. I waddle as I walk , my knees don't ever go straight so I am walking funny with my knees partly bent. I am in a mood where the pain has just swept through me and it just staying over me like I have been smothered in it. I don't know why the pain has gotten so bad for me this day and I know taht My pain is minor to what some oof you have each day too, and your not all being a baby about it.

    I am trying to feel better and not to think about it . This pain is a monster and it is running though out of my body and sometimes I feel like PAIN has a brain and it is taking over me with it's mind and it is winning with sending this pain to dwell within me more & more & I am crying as I have reached the point where I can't take much more of this. Does this pain ever end? AS I move through the days of my life I look and see that even as I feel all alone in this fight .

    For you see I am fighting with a monster called PAIN, it comes and eases and comes again much harder and deeper than before. I feel like i can see it crawling on to new spaces where it has not touched yet. Why this monster has found me I can't not say. I just want to have it go away and leave me alone. But I know that it will go away from my body and I will always have pain in my life and I am the one who will have to deal with it each and everyday.

    Each day as I learn to live with fibro and degenerative disc diease and spinal stenosis and all teh other chronic pain that lives with in me , It wil stay and I am the one who will have to pick my self up and not let it talke over my life. I am trying to do so. I dont' want this thing in my body but I didn't have a choice.

    I am just having a day where the pain is more than I can stand. I want to be able to not let it get to me like it is now and as I am hurting so much I just ask that you will think of me and wish for me to feel better soon. I am just tired, I hurt and I hate it. I am sad that I can't be the fun grandma that I had dreamed of being as I have so many chronic pain issures with my body but I still HURT and want to cry.

    I am sory about all the tears and whinning like I am. I want the old me back so if you find her please send her back to me. BEcaue this body is not working right and It hurts more amd more everyday and I don't li ke it any more nor can I stand it. PLease look for the old me although I doubt that you will find her as she has gone away so long ago. What is normal any way? I am not it. PLease for give me for being so whinny and such a baby. Sorry for all the whinnig I do .

    Rosemarie

  2. kylesmom

    kylesmom New Member

    I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I was just asking someone today if she remembered what "normal" felt like. Goodness knows, I don't.

    You're not a baby. You're fed-up, like the rest of us.

    Maybe our old selves are together on a beach somewhere sipping margaritas...