hi elasticgirl

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Feb 6, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    thank you for all of your words of wisdom...

    it is troubling for me now...we have been and together since the age of 16 and 18..i am 41 he will be 40 in june...

    he has sky high blood pressure nto getting treatment..deals with depression,...andyays he is seeing a psychologist i guess...that is waht he says...and we talke last night

    told him about my weight and how he made me feel and told him i am not the one with internal health problems he is the one w/ hig b/p...and didn't even metion the blood in his stool...he said he is worried about my health and i took it out of context...he doesn't want me to die...he sad if he died cody may shed a tear but if i died cody would be devastated...and said he would not know what he would do...

    anyways he said he needs to take care of himself and has no sexual desire for even masterbating...sorry if i said too much..well if you have high bp it can easily affect you sexual disre and erections...he said he hsi finally taking some of my advice and is seeing someone...

    told him about how he called me this year and the year acutually every year but one with he was with the other one and i had a boyfriend....well he still said wants to do things together and has fun etc...but he needs to take care of himself and find out why he did what he has done....

    o know he has told me in the past a couple of times i nthe past that he is afraid he will cheat and i asked him why he said that is what he had done in the past and that is they way he is...i said it doesn't have to be....

    and as far as men having affairs they are differnt than we women..are by nature... i am not saying they can not be faithful and that just because they have one does not mean they do not love you....they do love you when they have affairs....there are many reasons that men will have affairs, bipolar is for one....they dont mean to do it...but until they get their treatment they will make the same mistakes over and over...impluse....

    women on the otherhand we can keep it more in controll, when women have affairs on their men they are missing something emotionally in they're marriage or relationship...the marriage is usually over a lot quicker opposed to men having affairs...i have done alot of reading about this and been to marital counselors phsychologists included...one of them even have a book out...it has nothing to do with me...nothing about him not loving me...it was variety for him i was his first he was a virgin when he met me...he was 16...i was 18...i'm 1 1/2 years older....

    i am not dondoning affairs by anymeans but i believe just like dr phi you can repair a marriage but you must unturn every page and go deep....

    it is alot of work....

    and he did not respect me while doing and never wanted to get hurt...he didn't want out of the marriage...but he could not control what he was feeling...and that is what he is dealing with....

    i have to step back and get myself in a better place in life...i can not afford to retire on ssdi finfnacially or mentally....

    he wants me to be happy and do things that i used to love to do..working being one of them...and being thin was the other, he is not putting conditions on me if we are to get back together...he knows that i may not be able to lose all my weight and said he hope that the doctors can dial in on the proper anedocte for me...

    he knows what my body was like and so do i...when i was 36-about 38 i had young girls envy me for my abs and body...i had a great figure...and a young face...still the face....

    but he knows what i used to be and how i felt more confident...he said my weigth has nothing to not having sex at all with him...h needs to separete sex from everything now, docotr says no sex at all so i can figure out things.....about him..he said he is a ship w/o a pilot,,,and he knows i deserve better right now and knows he can not make me happy right now until he gets his self straightened...and then he will have see what he may want or not want...


    so i need to get a life for myself...i can not sit and wait for him...he knows he is screwed and you know what he is big time model material, looks lie antiono banderas aor more like steven segal..has had movie parts...tall dark and handsome...but he feels like shit inside about himself...depressed,ugly and not worth anyting...

    so i guess it best to move on with me and my son...if it is meant to be he will come back...but i may have moved on by then...


    i don't now


    jodie

    thanks so much elasticgirl i am up for any replies


    hugs to you and how are you doing?
  2. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    Thank you for sharing so much for me. I have a much better understanding of your relationship now.

    I was raised in a pretty straight-laced, religious family, so I tend to be a little inflexible about infidelity, but I think if an affair was an aberration -- not a habit -- I could probably forgive a man. (I'm not perfect, either. I had problem relationships where I did things I'm not proud of, but thankfully, that's all in the past now.)

    I'm sorry your ex has high BP. That's a shame. Even if the relationship wasn't perfect, I'm sure it distreses you that he is ill like that.

    It does sound like since you two talked again, he has been very clear about where he stands. No more dangling carrot, which is good. I do hope he gets his head on straight. You two have a long history and a child. It would be great if he did get it together.

    But if you run into someone loving, kind and respectful who wants to date in the meantime -- you are still free to pursue it :).

    It's very hard being without a man. I miss having someone take out the garbage, drive the car to the mechanic, pay the bills, etc.

    But on the other hand, I don't have to take care of the ex like a second child, LOL. No more smelly gym clothes! No more cleaning up the kitchen after he decides to cook! No more wondering where the heck he is when it's 7pm and dinner is waiting. In many ways, there's a lot less stress not having a man.

    My son is doing a touch better. Still needs 'paper underpants,' which is so discouraging. He's in the last pair, and we still cannot go out. He had another fever this morning (light).

    I have to miss a VERY important meeting today. (This is a meeting about the money owed me.) I cannot bring a child; cannot find anyone to watch him; cannot send him to school.

    My brother is planning to attend. If he can just sit in and listen, that'll be better than nothing at all. Ugh! This is so frustrating.

    But at least the sun is shining this morning. This beauty seemed to sweep away some of the blues. In this lovely, golden light, I can really see how much work I've accomplished in the house in the past few days... and I'm actually feeling good about myself for the first in a very long time :). I think all the prayers are finally kicking in :).

    Hope you and your son are doing well. I wish you only the best :).
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    and for being concerned that really made my day to know someone else cares......

    i have been bummed, i deal with on going depressions/anxiety...but i will need to try to take care of myself,,,,
    oh sorry for all of the typos above...i jst reread what i wrote..

    it is still hard from what we discussed about on this past sunday night...telling me he always wants to be friends and come over and see me and go do things together and how he always enjoys our time together...infact he stated he said who knows maybe we can go on a cruise together..or maybe we may find someone for one another...that is what is confusing to me i told him i don't for see myself ever getting married again...he said he will never get married again...

    he said he wants to be be able come and see me and do things with me even after cody leaves the house...

    he said right now he wants it to be at a friendship level...he has to get help to figure out why he has done things in his life the way he has....he said the guy said he acts like a rich man that is selfhish but is in such dispair...he doesn't have much money...evn thoug heis making almost 40$ an hour...butalso this california but i need to go modifiy the child support because mine was based on a lowe figure....


    anyways...i still sort of feel like he is dangling a carot ot there for me...but i have to remember that this si something i have talked to him about before...i think i sept ember , i may have said i just wanted to stay friends and no sex thing...but once again... i was at square one....i do not recall saying that i wanted to just stay friends but i know we talked over the phone so maybe it came accross like tht...i am just ocnfused...

    thanks for everything...

    i am sorry you little guy isn't turing cartwheels...

    i am sorry you can't get the money that i s owed to you now..or be there to here about it...

    maybe it will all be over soon...

    take care and thank you so much again...

    i know i probably sound like an idiot for being in my situation but i have tried to forgive and move on...and be understanding all things...and yes i always loved this man but looked at him as him having issues..one being bipolar and alcoholic...although he is telling me this docotr says he is not either...but that is what the marriage couslor said who i a psychologist ...oh well i need to go lay down it is oneof the burning painful days...


    sory for taking up your time and i hope you day gets much brighter


    jodie you friend