Hi everyone back after hard few months..lots of sadness

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fieldmouse, Apr 20, 2007.

  1. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    Hi everyone,
    I haven't been here to chat since November. My grandfather was very ill. I was trying to take care of him but he passed away in February. He had conjestive heart failure. I did everything I could to make him comfortable in his last days. When I got the call that my grandma was calling an ambulance for the last time, I rushed over there. I got there before the paramedics, my dad and I did CPR until they arrived(about 15 minutes)and took over. I knew when I got there that he was gone but I had to try to save him. I was so close to him. I took care of him and my grandma for the last year. There every day to help them and make sure they were taking there meds and helping them cook and clean. I am so sad that he isn't here with us now.
    My grandma still needs me daily to help her thru daily life. She has a hard time getting around and she don't drive. I take her to her appointments and help her around the house. I take her meals and make sure she takes her meds and spend as much time as I can with her. she is so lonely. they were together for 64 years. I can't even imagine losing my husband after that much time together.
    This week I have crashed after all that has happened and I can't seem to snap out of it. She needs me there and I can't even get out of bed.I feel so bad that she is there alone and I can't even get out of bed to go help her. my house is a mess and I can't even do laundry. i had a few bad days thru everything that happened the last couple months but I need to be there. She was in the hospital after my grandpa died.She has diverticulitis and almost bled to death a couple weeks ago. I need to be with her. OK...I am just whining now, anyway, does anyone have any ideas on how I can get back on my feet to be able to take care of my grandma? I think I said the same thing over and over....I can't even think. Any suggestions would be great....Thanks in advance to everyone! Mick
  2. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    your grandmother are going through. Is there anyone else who could be with her now? Are you all that she has? I dont remember reading that in your post but Im out of it today. Sorry.

    Sometimes, it just takes time for me. When I get upset, I tighten everything in my body and the pain becomes unbearable and you are grieving too. I dont think your body can take anymore right now.

    Try to consously (sp) loosen every muscle in your body and do this at least 4 times an hour and see if that helps at all. I dont think anything will help much right now. If you can get in a hot bath or whirlpool several times a day, or heat or ice on some of the pain. What ever works for you. (I find that ice helps me more but most like heat)

    I wish I was there to give you a big hug.

    Suzette
  3. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    Thanks so much for your concern and advice. I will try those thing to see if it helps. I am at a point that I can't even think of what to do. Thanks so much.....
    I am all that my grandma has, my mom lives far away and her other daughter don't come around much. I have to be there for her otherwise she is there alone most days. I just don't know how to make things better for her or for me at this point.
    I made a promise to my grandpa before he passed away that I would take care of her. I can't break that promise no matter how bad I feel. My meds aren't doing anything for me at this point...I am sure it will get better with time but I have to get thru right now!! Thanks again, Mick
  4. desertlass

    desertlass New Member

    It's bad enough to lose one's close family member, but to have gone through all the stress of caring for him, and even trying to save him at the very last must have completely depleted you in every way.

    It sounds like you love your grandma just as much, and want to be there just as completely for her, too.

    That is one of the things this illness takes away from us-- the ability to be there for our families as much as we need and want to be.

    You need to care for yourself, now, pretty intensely, and that also means reaching out to others to help you. Can you have someone come in and do any cleaning/laundry at least until you are back on your feet?

    The last thing you need to be doing is energy-sucking housework during such a stressful time. Anything to help you bring take away some of the disorder for you and have it off your mind will decrease the stress load.

    Sleep is so important, as you know.

    Can you call your grandma as often as you can in the mean time? Is there anyone with Social services caring for her until you can get back?

    Sometimes when we don't have any steam left, we have to just make do and survive until the situtation can be improved, and there's no shame in that!

    I know it's hard for tight-knit families to reach out for help when they've always relied on each other, but that's why there are more people around who aren't related to us. :)

    Your grandparents and parents must have done something right to have a granddaughter as kind and devoted as you. Just remember to be kind and devoted to your body, too. Your well-being is no less important than anyone else's.

    Hang in there,
    Lisette
  5. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    Thank you so much for your concern.

    At this point I would love if someone would come in to help her. Not that I don't want to be there but I just can't do as much s I need to. We can't get any kind of help from social services or home health nurses or anyone for that matter. All because of her income. She makes just a little to much money to get any help and she is not willing to pay anyone to come in to help her. She is to proud I guess I don't know but it is very sad that our goverment won't help the people that really need it. To make a long story short.....I am all that she has! I know that I need to take care of me but as we all know.....sometimes that is just not always possible....It really is sad.....Thanks again for your support....i really appreciate everyone here and love all of you.....Thanks again, Mick!
  6. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    We live in a very small town. About 1100 people. We don't even have a grocery store...lol.....Anyway, I think they have some sort of meal program in the next town. I will check into it. Also, she has one friend that visits about once a week but thats not much considering I am the only other one that visits her. She has a brother that lives close but he only stops by once a month or so. It is really sad that she has family that don't even feel the need to help out.She has a daughter about 30 miles away but she don't even speak to me so I can't ask her for help.( I don't even know what I did to make her mad but she is weird anyway) I am sure that they don't realize how sick I am and maybe that is my fault but still, you would think they would care enough to at least visit her. The more I think about it the madder it makes me that I am the only one in the family that cares enough to be there for her EVERY day. Thanks for your concern. Hugs to all...Mick!
  7. momof471

    momof471 New Member

    I'm sorry about your loss and the struggle you are going through right now. Its hard to want to be there and help, but have to stop and take care of ourselves. I would give your other relatives a reality check, ot the way they are doing, if they even came once a week that would be a huge help for your grandmother. It sounds like a family conference is in order or this will all fall to you. I know you WANT to do this, but you also have to take care of yourself. Maybe get her set up with a senior's group also. Its easy to feel overwhelmed right now, I'm sure, one day your kindness and love to your grandparents, will be returned to you.

    God Bless
  8. Engel

    Engel New Member

    So sorry about your loss. (((( hugs )))). My Mother had congestive heart failure/COPD/heart disease/osteoporosis and she suffered terribly the last year of her life. :-( . She died from internal bleeding/hematoma from a surgery on her back. We had to convince Dad to pull the plug (there was no hope) and let her go.

    Isn't there anyone else that can spend some time with Grandma? Is she elligible for a home health care worker that could help you out some? Would she be happy talking to you on the telephone days that you just can't get around? I can barely get around. Laundry is just a nightmare for me ... just as is everything you listed (I think that is common for us with FMS). I feel for you and understand your dilemna hun. Best wishes.
  9. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    I was feeling so overwhelmed until I got back here this morning. I should have been back here weeks ago. I don't know why we ever leave this essage board. You are all so much help to me. Next time I willremember that ALL of my support is here.
    After I read a few of your posts earlier I got right on the phone and started calling around for help. Believe itor not, this little tiny town of 1100 people has the meals on wheels progam. I called them and they were on it so fast that they are delivering meals to her three days a week starting TODAY....WOW....Thanks to all of you, this is the first step to making my stress a little bit easier. I don't think she qualifies for any kind of home health or senior services because of her income but this will be a big help....Thank you all so much....Love and hugs, Mick!!
  10. momof471

    momof471 New Member

    Sometimes things come down all at once and get so overwhelming, it helps to have a few other heads have ideas, but most of all to know you are not alone. Yeah for you making that phone call and getting the ball rolling! YOu are off to a good start and I know that is a huge weight off of your shoulders!

    God Bless
  11. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    to everyone....I appreciate all of your support....mick!
  12. leubie

    leubie New Member

    hey ---------im sorry that you have been so through so much-----is there anyone to help you?------is there any way you could spend a few nights over w/ her???--------you have been going and going so much------no wonder you crashed!--------if you could get a hot bath???--------and then maybe go over and spend the night w/ her???---------i know its hard to do this- ------but dont worry too much about your house right now!!!(easier said than done -lol)----do you have anything you can take for the pain?--------i know this is not alot of help-------i just wanted you to know that i was sorry for your loss of such a special person-------when you feel better ---and have more time-----know that you can share here any time-------i love to "listen"-------take care and love to all--------laura--------please keep in touch!!!
    hey again-----------just read your profile and i see that you have your own "crew" to take care at home------plus that sweet grandbaby-----i also read you worked in a bakery/deli--------i also work in bakery/deli in a grocery store----------its sooooo hard-----------im on my feet all day!!!---------well take care and ill talk w/ you later!!![This Message was Edited on 04/20/2007]
  13. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I am so truly sorry for the heartache that you and yours are experiencing. I'm wondering if you have family at home that might be able to help with the housework or to prepare a few meals for you. Is it possible to bring a couple of small loads of laundry to your grandmas, so when you are helping her you can take care of some of your laundry while you are there? God bless you and your family.

    Deb
  14. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I don't know how bad your Grandmother's health is, but it is possible she could qualify for Hospice... one doesn't have to be literally dying to be qualified, and income is not figured into the equation at all.

    Medicare pays 100% regardless for all services as well as meds provided thru the hospice doctor/np/pa and send a nurse 1X/week, and will send a CNA to help her bathe and eat if necessary 5X/week...

    they also have other services available for free. Sounds like your Grandfather could've qualified for it, I'm surprised someone didn't mention it? - if it is in your area.

    As small as your area is you might be surprised that is could be available. I know the agency we deal with for my MIL (severe dementia, she lives with us) covers about a 5 county area, it would take at least 2 hours for someone to go from one end to another, and encompasses a huge rural area.

    I hope this helps... another possibility is some of the churches will help out with the elderly.

    All the best, I know how hard it can be.
    Victoria

  15. GigglePoet

    GigglePoet New Member

    Fieldmouse~
    I am so sorry friend for the lose of your grandfather. You are so a loving and giving indivigual and you have been such a blessing in their lives. Thank you! for being the type of person that you are. Our world needs more like you. May God bless you with recovery from your sadness and rest for your mind and body and give you the strength you need to do what it is your heart desires for you to do.

    God bless ~ GigglePoet
  16. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    for all of your replies. Without this board I would be totally lost.....thanks, Mick!!