Hi Everyone

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Vada, Dec 19, 2005.

  1. Vada

    Vada New Member

    Long time since I have been here, but am back. Things have been up and down since I last wrote. I have had my independent psych eval and the doctor only had me there for 30 minutes. He was prety cool and didn't pry into things unless I was willing to give information that I was comfortable with. (especially since he had previously read my 285 page medical records!!!!!). He told me informally that he was going to approve my claim for my disability retirement through the Stae of Virginia and my one from Fairfax County Public schools. When this finally goes through, i can kiss LTD butt goodbye and totally get on my life as much as I can.

    I have been getting ready for the holidays. This past weekend I and hubby went to Richmond to have early Christmas with them. It went OK until after unwrapping of gifts. As usual My niece and her father got into this huge screaming session which went on and on. Unfortunalety I was literally caught in the middle of this and could not physically leave so I had etreated so far into myself attempting to shut out everything that I almost didn't come back from that world. It took my great niece Kathryne who cuddled up on my lap and kept wispering come back aunt Vada, it's ok. I vauely heard my sister tell her to help me out. My husband did not realize what was happening until about 10 minutes into this. He came over and helped get me back into the real world. He asked me if I wished to go home, but i said no. I wanted to stay and enjoy the est of the evening with my sister and see her sing in the Christmas Cantata on Sunday. Shortly after this, my niece stormed outside and my brother-in-law went to talk to her. As he was getting ready to leve my husband told him "Thanks alot" and turned away without saying anything more. By then I was fully aware of the silence around me and asked my sister if she was ok and she said that she was since this happened every single time when the 2 of them are together.

    Later on my brother-in-law took me into the dinig room and apologized and said that he did not mean to scare me so badly. He said that he needed to do this for Charmalee's sake but hadn't realized how it was affecting me. He hugged me and said I really love you and i'm sorry. I had totake this as his apology even though I was still shaken to thecore.

    Lately the really bad dreams have come back. I keep having dreams that involve my dead parents who are very much alive. In these dreams they are constantly playing different roles but the gist of it is them doing everything possible for my 2 brothers and 1 sister while screaming and hitting me. I get so scared of these dreams, especially when I can't seem to wake myself up fromthem.

    Heck of a way to sleep. My nightime 200mg Lamictal and 50mg Trazadone put me in such a deep sleep that it is hard to get out of it. The only time that I can "forcefully get out of dreams" is when I dream that I have got to go to the bathroom and wake up and REALLLLLY HAVE TO GO. You should see me stumble into bathroom half asleep, do my thing, and stunmble back into bed and promptly fall backinto a dep sleep.

    Sporry so long but haven't had a chance to get this out so I decided to come here.

    Bye the way, for those of you who remember my "friend" Edie,who seemed to be my "soul mate" has totally run out of my life, no explanations except to e-mail my husband, tell him that I had overstepped too many boundaries and that it was all of my fault that our "friendship" was no longer what she wanted. I was and continue to be seriously hurt since this was the first time in 42 years (yes I did say 42 guys) that I had allowed myself to totally trust someone and be totally open. She had gotten me a cell phone and put it on her account and I paid her 20 dolars a month to offset the cost of adding a phone toher line. I now have no working phone since she completely cancelled the contract. I have a verizon phone and want to find out if I can open my own account with shorter minutes (we had 700 to use beteen each other) and I just need the cheapest one they have which will include free long distance evenings andweekends since. This wouldn't havematteredso much if she would have e-mailed my husband who was the only one she would deal with since we had both become close tpo her and he was not the bad guy here, just me!!!!! I did not find out that the service had been shut off until I neeeded to make a call to my vets on Friday evening to giv him my cell number in case something went "bad' with my cat Tiger. This just incase, since he is a very healthy cat.

    Now that this has happened I am extremely leary of putting myself back out there again. My therapist told me that I should carefully think about what had gone wrong here and try not to do the same agsin. I understand that this is necessary for the future of a girlfrien in my life, but if I don't know what exactly went wrong and why she felt it was all my fault, how can I even begin to asses how I would change things in the future. My trut of women again is not there, even though I desperately want a "girlfriend" to just talk with, have hot cocoa together once in awhile and do things by ourselves.

    Wll I am going to go for now. Hope someone reads this and feels comfortable in "advising"how to go about things in the future. :):):):) LaVada
  2. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    At least you could get this all down in writing and maybe that will help a bit. You have been through a lot. I'm glad you have some support.

    It's good to see you posting again and I hope you can stay around.

    Good Luck
    Kathy.
  3. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    At least you could get this all down in writing and maybe that will help a bit. You have been through a lot. I'm glad you have some support.

    It's good to see you posting again and I hope you can stay around.

    Good Luck
    Kathy.