Hi everyone

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kjade, May 17, 2009.

  1. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I just wanted to post an update....I haven't been online in quite awhile. I've been so busy with everything lately.

    Well, I am nearly 31 weeks along in my pregnancy, and I have to say, this has been really, really hard on me. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and since this is my 4th baby, no one really seems to care about it at all. No one ever asks me how I am feeling or how I am handling things. I think that has been the hardest part of all.

    To start with, my rheumatologist wrote me off when I told him I was pregnant. When I saw him last, I was only about 2 months along. He got very flustered and told me he doesn't really treat pregnant women. At the time, he told to just stop all meds, and to come back in 8 months. And that was it. Once again, I felt very betrayed by the medical profession. He gave me NOTHING at all to help me with this; in fact, he acted rather disgusted that I would just go and get pregnant while he was in the middle of trying to treat me for FMS. My OBGYN hasn't been much help either with the FMS, because she doesn't know how to treat it. She has just been monitoring me and the baby and offers no advice or help on how to deal with this. So it has been very rough.

    I wasn't dx'ed with FMS until AFTER my 3rd child was born. I had no idea how hard this was really going to be on me physically, mentally, emotionally, ect.... And I have searched and searched for info online and in books and I have really come up with nothing. It has gotten rather depressing.

    I am having an EXTREMELY difficult time at work. My bosses never, ever ask me how I am doing. In fact, they have INCREASED my workload. Just last week, they told me there is a "project" that I must complete in the next month, and they basically have told me that my job depends on getting this done. It is something that is impossible for me to complete. And I have told them that. So then they told me that I would need to work overtime from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm and also on Saturdays. I just cannot do it. I have 3 kids at home who are involved in sports and they have schoolwork and....I just can't do it.

    Plus 2 of my kids got sick and I was struck down a couple weeks ago with a horrible cold that had me up all night coughing, every night for a week. I was getting so scared because the cough was causing all kinds of muscle spasms in my stomach, and I was terrified it was harming the baby in some way. Once I got over that, I got a stomach virus that my daughter had, and had a fever and I could barely walk or move for 2 days. But I still managed to go to work and somehow get through those few horrible days. Then I was told I was anemic and needed to take more iron which really upsets my stomach more.

    And to top all of that off, one of our cars broke down. The engine blew on it and it might cost $4000 to fix it. We somehow managed this past week with only one car, but it left me to run my kids to school and pick them up b/c my dh had no car and had to rely on his friend to drive him everywhere. I am just so frustrated with life right now..........seriously.

    All seems to be ok and fine with the baby, thank God. Back in my 20th week, I had an ultrasound, and they told me the placenta was very low, and they wanted to watch it to make sure it moved or it could become dangerous for me and the baby. I had the same problem with my 3rd baby, but it eventually moved on it's own. This time, my Dr wanted to wait until the 3rd trimester to check it again, so I have been a nervous wreck about this. I go in on Monday for another ultrasound to make sure everything is ok. I can only pray it is. And I'm excited to see the baby and see how it looks now. I only have 2 months to go! I have horrible heartburn....horrible. It wakes me up at night and I have been eating Tums like candy. I can't wait for the baby to drop so I can get some relief with that, because it is even hard to eat now, it's so bad.

    Well, I guess it sounds like things aren't going so well. But I am still so very excited to finally see my baby and find out if it's a boy or girl. I had such beautiful pregnancies before...I just wish this one could have been a little easier. I know though, that it will all have been worth it the moment I see this little one. I just have so much to do and not a lot of time left. I am just praying for a little time where I have no pain and can just relax in peace. That is the part that has been the most upsetting for me, I think. This is supposed to be such a joyous time, and instead I am having to deal with constant pain and exhaustion. And like I said in the beginning, I have no one to turn to. No one seems to care or understand. Some days I just feel like giving up hope.

  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I am in awe of you. There is no way I could do what you are doing.

    How can no one be asking how you are? goodnes at least ask about the pregnancy! Your docs are jerks. Even if the rhemy(ive never had luck with them)doesnt treat pregnancy he should be trying to support your FM anyway he can.

    Is is possible for your doc to write you off work? The load you are carrying is way too much. Do you have family? frankly your bosses sound like jerks! Talk to personal if there is one.

    Please post this on fibro board there are more folks there and have been talking about pregnancy lately.

    you deserve the biggest hug for being an amazing wife and mother.

    wish I could offer u more just wanted u to know someone listened and understands
  3. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know that there are people here, who understand and wish you the best!! Good luck with the baby, you are a great person!!!!!!!

    Big Soft Hugs!!!

  4. jole

    jole Member

    I'm so sorry you have to go through all this nonsense. you are so right, this should be such a happy time for you! Those new babies are so great, whether they're the first or the fifth! I have 5 and know how you must be feeling. You're so right, after the 3rd people seem to not care at all.

    But that precious little miracle you're carrying is such a special gift, as you know, and the love is there just as much for it. Maybe even more since things are so much harder this time.

    It sounds to me like your bosses are trying to run you off.....they do that sometimes by piling on work they know is impossible to do, just to give themselves a good reason to let someone go without cause of a settlement. I hope and pray that's not the case with you. But please don't overdo to the point of jeopardizing yourself or your baby. It's not worth it!

    Things do seem to have a way of working out, even though they don't always feel like it at the time....not that it's of much comfort to you now.

    Please know we'll be here for you....keep us posted....and know how special you are! Love ya***Jole***
  5. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    I am speechless. Firstly by the monumental job you have undertaken. You have so much responsibility and it sounds like so very little support.

    Secondly because, even though your problems sound overwhelming, you DO still have the hope. I read it in your post. You will find the strength to go on.

    I agree your doctors are unfeeling jerks and wish you had the time and the energy to get new ones. You need doctors that will treat your FM while you are pregnant.

    I also wish you could take medical leave. Work part time? Call in anyone in your support system you hadn't though of yet?

    I hear you and know you feel overwhelmed.

    Post on the FM board, if you can possibly find the time, and you will find many experienced people.

    If you get the need, you might find another type of support on the Spirituality and Worship board.

    I'll be praying for you to find some pain free peace, and for your wonderful baby.

  6. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear of all your problems going on, all probably at the worst time for you , or so it may seem to you. Beibg pregnant also can be a hard time let alone dealing with these other DD's. Unfortunatly, to others get so busy they not even think to much about you being pregnant esp since it is your th baby. Believe me, I know my dear. I have 5 babies all grown up now and 8 grandchildren.

    One thing I will say, is that after you have that little sweet baby you will forget all your problems. They are so precious and are such a joy. I know you also know that but when you feel so bady and have gotten sick with other things to boot that just makes it seems worse. Just TRY to remember that this to shall pass and when the baby finally gets here you will feel alot better.

    Does your DH help at all or give you any encouragement? I know many times, my DH included, esp after seeing you deal with so much, they just expect that you can do everything by yourself without any help without or encouragement. When you feel poorly it does not help, I know. I am not one to whine and ask for help. I think now that I should have done a little whineing since many times they (our DH's) are oblivious to it all.

    Maybe you could count off the weeks and as you see them get less and less it will give you some hope and something to look forwards to. Also getting the baby's room ready , crib and baby stuff is exciting too. That is always fun I know.

    Sorry to hear about all your car problems and bills . Yes, I know how hard that is for sure. Been there and done that but usually those things don;t last forever and you do what needs to be done as always, for your family.

    Please feel free to call on me any time if you want to chat. Don;t think no on cares. It is perhapos cause they do not know and or are so busy with other stuff in their lives.

    Leaving you right now my dear. Good luck with that sweet little baby I know how exciting it is to be looking forwards to a newborn. I had wonderufl pregnancies and I am proud of you for not wanting to know the sex. Somehow we lived without the ultrasound and waited for the wonderful birth to find out.

    As you get closer to the birth all will get more excited in your family I am sure. What about your other kids. How old are they ?? If you had mentioned that before I have forgotten sorry ! My girls were 2 years apart (4 of them) and then one son.

    Off for now. I have more mails to write and stuff to do . Thinking about and praying for an easier pregnancy and healthy baby for you.


  7. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    Hi kjade, I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. I hope you have good news at Mondays ultrasound so at least you can relax about that.

    Is there anyone you can think of to offer support and help? Maybe one friend to come and help you with the baby's room. Or maybe one of your kids is old enough to help.

    I cannot believe you are working those long hours. Your husband must be helping a lot at home. I agree with the poster who thought you should get a doctors note to lessen your work load.

    GL and let us know how it's going.

  8. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Nice to hear from you again. But what a lot of bad luck, and all at the same time.

    You may want to talk to a Workers' Comp Atty to see what your rights are in
    your state. Here in CA if a job causes or contributes to a disability, you are
    entitled to benefits.

    Here is CA there would be no charge for consulting an atty. The atty gets paid if
    he/she gets you an award. Maybe the same where you are.

    Hope the situation improves soon. Best of luck.

  9. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    Hi, just wanted to say hi and send you a very gentle hug.

    It's crazy and sad that the medical community isn't helping you with your Fibro~ it's not
    like it's going to disapperar. I'm sorry your boss is not being nice either.

    Will you be able to take off some time with your new baby?

    Will say a prayer for you , your new baby to be and your family.

    Let us know how your ultrasound goes .

    take special care of yourself, Susan
  10. hatbox121

    hatbox121 New Member

    Pregnancy is rough with FM. On a bright side though, and I know that this may not be the case for you, I had a great period of relief between my two. Sounds like everything is going to hades all at once. I got a note from my dr. with my last pregnancy that put down my restrictions, etc. Legally there was nothing that my employeer could do about it.
  11. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Wow...you have so much on your plate, I wish I could come up with some profound words of wisdom...but my mind is blank today.

    Please remember you can come here and vent all you want, you can turn to us.

    I found this and thought you might find it helpful:) I hope that its OK to share this with you, It's called letter from God.

    To: YOU Date : TODAY From : GOD Subject : YOU Reference : LIFE

    This is God. Today I will be handling All your problems for you. If life delivers a situation you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

    Once the matter is placed in the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. I do Not need your help. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now. So, have a nice day. I love you.

    P.S. - Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know! Now, you have a nice day. God has seen you struggling, God says it's over.
  12. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I was in tears reading all of the thoughful replies here....so thank you for that.

    I have been praying so hard for things to change soon for the better, but then I realized that although I am having a really rough time, it isn't so bad in all reality. A struggle, yes. But the end of the world, no. So I am really trying to remain positive.

    Since our van (which is only 3 yrs old, btw!) is broken down, and we don't know when or if it can be fixed, my DH decided he wanted to buy a beater car that he could drive for now, and to keep if anything goes wrong with our car in the future. He took $600 from our savings and bought a car by owner. They told him about all these things they had repaired and the car seemed like a decent buy for the $. Well, last night, we picked it up and I was following him home, and it just stalled out, and he couldn't get it started. He called the guy and he told him he wasn't going to give him his money back.....at that point, I just wanted to laugh. I could not believe it was happening. Long story short, he is getting his money back and the car was towed back to the place we got it.

    I can't stress over these things anymore....I know it's not good for my health, and especially the baby. Things DO all have a way of working out eventually; they always do. But it just seems sometimes like the rain will not stop, ya know?

    I am very concerned about my job...but today I talked to my boss, and she admitted that the mess I am trying to clean up is not my fault. She still wants me working OT to work on it, but she is also helping me. It made me feel better to talk to her alone and not the other boss, b/c I was able to get a better idea of where I stood from her by herself.

    I so wish I could get a disability note from my Dr. But right now, the Dr finds absolutely nothing wrong with me physically, and it's always the same old story. If I mention that I am having trouble keeping up at work, I am afraid she will think I am faking or using the FM dx to be off work, when of course, that is not the case. I think that is the hardest thing about this DD...is getting ppl to believe you, and understand. What's hard about where I work is..we handle benefits and disabilities for our union members. So it is really tough to get around their strict policies. Plus they have very good lawyers. So I guess the best I can do is keep records of everything that happens, and hopefully, they are not planning on getting rid of me. I have never called off sick or used my illness or my pregnancies as any excuse for anything. So they can't blame me being pregnant on my performance or anything. I will continue to pray for the strength I need to get through this. I know I can do it......

    THE GOOD NEWS....I went to my Dr appt today. And the baby looks PERFECT. They said he/she is about 4 lbs. And the placenta has moved, so that was a relief. She said the baby is very high (esp. for a 4th baby) so that was reassuring also. And it also explains the constant heartburn. It was so hard once again to not ask the tech the sex, but I stuck to my guns on it. I know from not knowing the sex in the past that it is such a wonderful special moment when they announce what it is. That is what I also look forward to the most. Right now, I have 2 boys (they are 9 and 7) and 1 girl (she's 3). So either way, I will be happy.

    So thanks all again so much. You are all such a wonderful group of people, and I know when I need support or understanding, no one but you guys will understand. And you all are so supportive. Thank you again for taking the time to respond. I am so grateful.
  13. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    First of all, I want to say I am so sorry that you are going through all this.

    My daughter is getting her last sonogram today and I am anxiously awaiting a phone call from her. She also has the low placenta with this pregnancy as well as her first pregnancy, but everything turned out okay. One thing the doctor did tell her with the sonogram for her daughter is that if they are not sure of the sex with a sonogram this late in pregnancy, the baby is most likely a girl. I think 95% chance. I am sure there are exceptions to this. This next baby is a boy. She is due June 21st but they may have miscalculated the due date and it may be earlier. When are you due?

    In the meantime, if you are waiting/thinking about filing for disability, can you get a doctor's note saying you can not do the overtime. You need to conserve your energy as much as possible.

    My daughter goes to a website, I believe it is called babycrowd.com, I will change this if it is not correct.(edited. This is the correct site.) They have a support board. I am not sure if it would fit your circumstances but know that it has been helpful for her.

    Have you talked to your doctor about disability or are you hesitating to say anything out of fear of her saying no. What has helped me is to focus on my symptoms and also the impact this DD has on my day to day activities. Is she knowledgeable about FM/CFS.

    I am so sorry that you are going through all these things and want to wish you the best. I know how hard it is to work, have other children, and being pregnant at the same time and this was before my DD.

    So much stress. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Let your other children and husband help you out. Right now it sounds like you could use some TLC.

    Wouldn't it be funny if you had your baby the same time my daughter has hers.

    Keep us updated and take care. We are rooting for you!!


    [This Message was Edited on 05/18/2009]
  14. hatbox121

    hatbox121 New Member

    DANCE in the RAIN.
  15. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    So glad to hear that all is well with your baby to be.

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    please keep us posted when you can.

    take care and gentle hugs, Susan
  16. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    I am glad to hear that things are looking up for you. You are being strong, I love the part where you laughed when the new car broke down. Right? Either laugh or cry.

    A health baby, perfect. The placenta moved, thank God. I didn't wait to learn the sex of my babies, now I wish I would have. I was just so excited, and to be honest had decorating and clothing issues.

    Yes you got a lot of support here. I also know that there is more where that came from. So come here anytime you need to and talk to the experienced and loving people on this board.

    Anyone with this DD, pregnant, with three other kids and working too, my hats off to you lady.