Hi, Great Update! please read :D

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Kimelia, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. Kimelia

    Kimelia New Member

    Hello everyone,

    A lot has happened over the past few months and I just wanted to fill you all in. Life has been pretty tough, as is it for most of us with these dd. There have been points when I wondered how I could go on, or if I would even have a place to live and food to eat.... I'm afraid more of us have experienced this then any of us want to think about.

    A couple of months ago I felt pretty doomed. I lost my job, knew I was going to have to move soon(landlord has been very patient with me concerning rent, I knew I wouldn't be able to afford rent or work more hours to pay rent any where else), on top of all of this my car broke down. The job I had was a cake job where all I really had to do was go in and do what I felt like. Even at that I had trouble working more then 3-4 hours a day, huge trouble. I was also in the hospital with my low blood pressure for 2 weeks in october and never really recovered from that so had been having near fainting spells daily.

    What did I do, and how did all this change? Well I prayed. Not to mention I am very involved in a great church. They have really been there for me but I knew they couldn't fix all my problems and take care of me. I told God that I was ready to give up. I was ready to give all my stuff away and move to my friends place where basically all I would have is a bed in her law office. My room would have been a storage room. She's like a mother to me but she's really really hard to live with and is not terribly understanding of illness. She's a typical lawyer, in your face if she has a problem. Plus her husband has always thought I was just being lazy so of course there would have been that to deal with too. I think at times he would have been just as happy if I just disappeared because I needed her too, and she helped me financially when she could but their finances were stretched so far and they helped his family too. So I knew this would be hard on me but I was feeling like there was no other choice. I was just too tired to fight for survival anymore.

    As i said...I prayed, a lot. I have been praying for years but we never know Gods timing. His is certainly not ours. So...One night after my cell group met, I was leaving and I walked by one of the guys work van in the driveway as I was walkilng to my car. Something inside me said something like "he maybe hiring". I was like, "ok, whatever". I didn't think it was God talking to me I just thought it was my thoughts. I let it go. Then a few weeks later he approached me at church and told me he needed someone with my work history and asked me if I wanted to work for him. I said sure. I didn't htink he could really pay me enough to survive and that I was probably still going to have to move to my friends place. Not to mention my car was broken and I had no idea how I would get to work or how I would have the energy to learn a new job or how many hours he needed. If I coudl even physically do it at all.

    We finally talked on the phone about a week later and he told me that I would be making more then twice what I had been making. I didn't scream or do anything crazy on the outside but I did on the inside. To me this was great money. It was a miracle and I started to think I might make it. I still didn't know how I would get to work but perhaps I would be ok.

    I found out that the bus that ran very close to my house ran not too far from where I would be working. So I started riding the bus to work. I was averaging 4 hours a day on the bus, then I had to work on top of this. This was definately taking its toll. He did not understand illness at all so this made things hard. I won't say it was easy but I pushed with all I had and then some to get to work and keep this job. He told me he didnt understand why the busride was so hard, I mean all I was doing was sitting, right?

    We've had some rough times and moments for sure. He's 24 and a new boss. But he's trying and we are getting there. He's not as pushy or perfectionistic as he had been.

    Also, someone that knew the leader of my cell group from church offered to put a new engine in my car and replace a bunch of other stuff while he was in there. I only had to pay for parts. So with my new job I started saving money for parts and they fixed my car! It's a 93 mazda and looks a little rough, but to me she's beautiful. My cell group; leader even steam cleaned the seats and cleaned it all up for me. I am beyond blessed.

    Not to mention on top of all of this, Someone in my church has a studio apartment that they let people stay for free who are down on their luck. There is always a huge waiting list but it looks like I might be able to stay there for about a year. It depends whether another girl needs to or not. They are thinking she won't. If I stay there one of the conditions is that I spend the money I would on an apartment starting a savings account and adding to it as if i were paying rent every month.

    As far as my health is concerned, I can actually make it through the day and not feel like or be a rag on the floor at the end of the day on some days. I am getting better though it's not over night. I don't want to paint an unrealistic picture. I have over all better stamina. I'm still tired and some days I feel as bad as ever. Somedays I have so much energy that I feel normal again. I am doing something that is definately not the norm and I'm afraid I can't say it here or you guys would think I was a freak. Maybe I am but it's working. I am actually working 30 hours a week, or so. It does take a lot but I am amazed. I do have to pace myself as much as I can. Other things I'm doing that I can tell you.. I'm taking moducare, it's doing amazing htings for my anxiety and it's supposed to regulate your immune system(can't say I've noticed anything other then the anxiety thing which to me is amazing). I use to spend so much time like I had a vice grip on me. It was aweful. Also I'm drinking penta water and I know this is helping me. It's not like a "HUGE" differnece but I could tell a difference after I drank a few bottles. I drink about 2 bottles a day which is more then I can afford but it's worth it for now. l

    I will tell you that life has been extremely rough. It took a lot of years of changing a lot of things in my life and me and a lot of faith too. I still have a long ways to go and who knows how long this job will be here. I hope a long time. We are a new company so who knows..... But, The thing that helped me was developing my relationship with God and getting connected at my church.When God tells me to do something, especially with my health, I try to do it. I now feel he is bringing various things to me that "are" helping. We think we have to do it on our own but there are people out there who want to help others. The church is there for community and when we start letting people in and not think the things in our life are our own battle, that's when things can change. Our society is so independent. I was! Heaven forbid anyone see that I'm human or let them in when all they will do is judge me. I stayed shut up and isolated for so many years. We have to find the right people and that's not easy. I think the main thing is listening to God's voice. That's what I've learned. It doesn't mean things will be perfect but I think he will and can give us the grace we need to get through anything and he's sent us people to share our lives with. So what are we waiting for? Now don't ask me about dating because I need some advice in that area, I won't let anyone in there.....

    I didn't mean to preach but I just wanted to share with all of you lovely people who have stood by me for so many years here. Who have spent your time giving me answers and listening to me and my questions.

    If I've rambled or not made sense at points please forgive me, I'm still waiting on my brain to come back as some of you might understand. If I've offended anyone, I'm sorry but this is just the way it is and I have to share it.

    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2006]
  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I'm very impressed with your progress!! And yes God say's he will help those who help them self's~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I have 3 Girls ! one named Kym . I am so proud of all their acomplishments!! And i know God has had a hand in it! God bless you! and i think things will work out fine for you!! keep the faith!!!..................................sisland
  3. Kimelia

    Kimelia New Member

    Thanks Sis,

    I hoped that my post might inspire someone else that things can and will get better. I always believed and still believe that I will get well. I have to..

    I appreciate your kind words. It sounds like you are very upbeat...
  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I'm so glad to hear things are working out for you financially, and it sounds like your health is better than it was too...

    sounds like things are getting better slowly but surely. That's wonderful!

    All the best,

  5. starfall

    starfall New Member

    I just found this site today.
    I'm not very good at letting other people
    help me either. I guess for fear of being judged
    that i don't always look sick, even though i am
    in pain almost constant. anyway it was nice to read
    your message. i hope things go well for you.
  6. GREAT! I am so glad things are turning around for you. God does answer our prayers. By the way you are very pretty. I sure hope things continue to improve for you.

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