im in a pickle and dont know wat to do.ive been suffering with depression 4 da past 7 yrs. and hav been of meds. against doctors advice for the past twelves weeks.i hate taking them and only do under duress,i usually stop end up in crisis am carted of to hospital for a few months and forced to take meds.i ve been working with a councillor who has supported me not taking them.ive been trying to work my way through things logically.but ive hit a wall and am feeling crap again .nothing i do makes a difference.i cant go bac to the psyciatrist because all they want me to do is take meds.i feel know id be better of dead .ive tried ending it many times before .my last od was in october.i so want to take all the meds. i have it would make things so uncomplicated.realistically id rather be dead then live with this.i have no life and things are never gonna get better.i thought the counselling would help me fix things so i could put this all behind me and start living the life i never had.but its not working i ll never be free.no body can understand my reluctence to take the meds.part of it is my family they dont agree with them.im afraid im gonna be dragged of to hospital again .ive spent too much time there against my will.if i tell them how i feel thats what will happen.i know the meds do help .they hav done wen ive been made take them but i dont want to live with this illness, i cant. i want to fix it or end it thats the promise i made myself.no one has to live my life i do.i cant do it anymore.i fear i hav at last reached the end.what is life but our journey towards death .isnt that all we have to look forward to ,isnt that for each of us our ultimate fate .im just speeding up the process.maybe thats why god gave me such a shit life because this is what im meant to do this is how its suppose to end.i get to choose the end something most people dont get i am taking charge in something that is out of my control.is there another solution ?another answer that i hav some how not seen?i dont know maybe someone out there has an answer??