HI my name is Joshuaalpha and I am new

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Joshuaalpha, Sep 7, 2006.

  1. Joshuaalpha

    Joshuaalpha New Member

    Hi I was told to introduce myself and here i am. I started developing bad dizziness and pain about 7 yrs ago after I did basic training in the canadian navy. I think I had symptoms from the age of 10-11 but the major pain and dizziness started at 24.

    I was miserable in the navy and developed depression. I was in very good physical shape when I first joined the military but had a slow descent to inactivity. I whined and complained about pain symptoms over and over but got nowhere and actually resorted going to civilian doctors while I was on holidays back home.

    I went on 3 trips. one to asia and 1 to the persian gulf just before 9/11 and another a yr after. my symptoms got worse over time and I was getting alot of anger and rage. got in trouble alot of the ship. I just wanted people to leave me alone so I could suffer in peace and go back to my bunk. I always felt tired and hurt. I had repeated injuries. hurt myself all the time lifting stuff.

    when I was at sea I felt like everyone was out to get me and couldn't understand why noone else felt like I did. I was an outcast and noone liked me. when they were having fun after work going to bbq's I was in my bed sleeping. I slept every moment I had. probably 12 hrs a day then and I barely got by. I started having fantasies about suicide as time went on and beating people up.

    On my first persian gulf trip everyday was a struggle not to snap on someone. I noticed I would wake up and feel like my lungs were stuck together and a deeop brealth was pulling them apart. I was coughing up flem all the time, sneezing. I used to think my symptoms in my teens were allergy symptoms. I asked someone if there were allergies this time of yr. lmao we were in the middle of the ocean, no pollen trees when I was in serious trouble I would spiral as my bosses called itand get warnings till I got charged when I snapped on someone of a higher rank and threatened them.

    I was a nervous wreck but kept sucking it up. I blamed everyone else for my problems. I got charged with insubordination anyways. this was the first time I had thought about suicide. I had fastasies of blowing my brains out the next time I got my hands on a gun but when the chance came to do it I would chicken out.

    I got home from the trip and started noticing that I was sleeping every lunch hr and also for a nap after I got home. I would get hiome friday night and sleep from 4pm till noon the next day. my friends would coem over unexpectedly and say I was going out no matter what and I would scream at them to leave me alone and let me sleep. I started to call in sick.

    my next trip came up and everything seemed to be going ok. I was getting in trouble as usual. everyone hated me and I felt like I did as usual when I was extremely stressed. I would walk up a ladder on the ship and be short of breath and cough up flem. I was soo dizzy I would see stars when I stood up and almost fall down. I was so afraid of getting charged agian. I had burning in my chest. my heart would beat really hard in my ears while trying to goto sleep after the usual hell of trying to stay awake and work all day.

    they finally said I couldn't take naps at lunch anymore and I beleiev thats when my end started. we started doing night escort runs of ships through the straights of hormus the little gap of water separating the persian gulf from indian ocean. it was an all night affair during my sleep time. then I started to snap on people and get forgetful about things. It took all the energy I had just to get my job done and not fall asleep.

    I drank copius amounts of caffiene. cans of pop and coffee to try to stay awake. I had constipation just like I did when I was in my early teens and it really hurt. had diarea too. I got charged with being Awol to the remeberance day ceremony. I just forgot about it. I didn't pay much attention to what other people were doing. I was really good at my job but arrogant.
    I was a mess then finally got in too much trouble to handle. I had flashbacks of the previous trip and couldn't do it again and threatened to throw myself overboard to my bosses. It just kinda happened.

    I spent 2 yrs on the base trying to get better and doing research to figure what the hell was wrong with me. My mother had something called fibromyalgia but I though she was just a crazy woman making it up and I tried to find something that was curable. but now here I am I just got my fibromyalgia diagnosis and also bipolar type 2 and applying for disability.

    My mom got it and I hope I do to. Well I am stuill dealing with inner demons and people wonder how the hell I lasted as long as I did in the military. My doctor thinks I have post traumatic stress from dealing with the illnesses I had and the stress made it worse. It was hell... as probably alot of you experienced dealing with this terrible disease.

    I get along with my mother great now as we understand eachother but she put me through hell as a kid having the same diseases I do. I guess likes clash who have mental illness.

    well I hope this wasn't too much of an introduction.

    Joshuaalpha
  2. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    This is the place to be.You will find a lot of helpful information on this board and a lot of caring people.

    Your intro was not to long.You have been through a lot.

    I am sorry you have to suffer .I hope you find the support and info you need here .

    Hugs>>>FOR EVERY DAY A NEW DAWN WILL COME>>>>>Sue
  3. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Welcome from another Canadian. I am sorry you had to go through so much to find a diagnosis, but you are not alone. There are many people including myself that went through years of pain before finally getting a diagnosis. It is terrible that you went through that much mental and physical pain and misery without anyone realizing just how sick you are.

    I am on CPP, I was fortunate to be able to get help when I applied and was accepted first appliation. Hopefully you will too.

    You have found a great place here, everyone is very friendly.

    Marion (Redwillow)
  4. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    You sure have been going through a lot. Welcome to our place here on the net.

    Fibro and Cfids is a mystery and also we are not all affected the same and it appears not to be from the same truma/virus for all.

    Have faith and read all you can. None of us here is a dr. (or at least does not admit to being one..LOL)..so know that we are only saying what seems to help us, things we have read and found through various ways.

    Be careful mixing meds with OTC (over the counter) meds and herbal medicines.

    There is help here. Do not be afraid of asking questions.
    Does your mother post here also?

    Blessings and gentle hugs.......Susan
  5. Noahvale

    Noahvale New Member

    Welcome, We are so glad to have you here. I have read your entire profile and read your story..you have been thru so much already...I am glad that you are seeking medical help because it is so difficult to go thru this alone. My sister has symptoms like yours as a matter of fact, she was dx'd with bipolar disorder and was put on prozac and Lithium, I am not quite sure if she is still taking her meds as we don't talk to each other anymore, but everything you discribed sounded just like what she had gone thru all her teen life right thru to her adult life. She would get in such rages she would beat my mother up. It was a very scary situation. We all believe that this is hereiditary....my maternal grandmother was like this, she would take out her anger on my grandfather.

    I will be praying that there is something out there to help you, so you can rest peacefully without harm. I do understand what you are going through..my prayers are with you....may God Bless you Joshuaalpha!!

    Take Care,

    Noahvale--Kathy
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi Joshua

    That was a terrible time for you. I hope you now have a doctor and proper meds.

    I had a secretary for 14 years who was bi polar. She was able to work provided she took her lithium and had a very structured life. She stuck to a rigid schedule, and this worked very well for her.

    There are lots of nice people here who can share info, experiences, jokes, etc.

    You might want to read the message board rules. See the upper right hand corner of the screen.

    Welcome to the board.
  7. sascha

    sascha Member

    now i recommend you sit back and just focus on yourself and finding a quality of life that is right for you.

    i sure understand that snapping part. my emotions run rampant at times. i have had a couple of major meltdowns. it seems i have lost some inner controls, so now i know i must carefully monitor the situations i put myself in- both for my own sake and for others'.

    you are so young, but the good part is you have an idea what is going on. that will help guide you in your search for what comes next. you can build a good life for yourself. i am certain of this.

    i send you my best wishes for your success- Sascha

  8. dleaning

    dleaning New Member

    WOW! You have been to hell and back and then some! You have found a great site here. Lot's of support when you need it the most!

    Dawn
  9. littleleafhopper

    littleleafhopper New Member

    There are so many caring people here. You have been through a difficult time. This is a great place to share with others who understand.

    There's tons of information here and lots of knowledgeble people. Take some time to search for information you might have questions about, and check out the library for articles.

    We look forward to your posts.

    Yours, Lil
  10. victoria

    victoria New Member

    You have been thru the 'wringer', so to speak, so sorry.

    You might want to get checked out for such 'stealth pathogens' such as Lyme, Mycoplasma, Chlamydia Pneumonia,, etc... There are also viral infections to be checked out for.

    do a search in the search box up above for other members' posts about these diseases and how many have shown up with so many of them. There is also a Lyme support board at this website here (click on 'message boards' up above) ... also the 'LIBRARY' here is good too. For Mycoplasma, Mikie's posts are especially informative.

    Also good places to start to educate yourself is at ilads.org for lyme and associated tick-born infections; www.cpnhelp.org for c. pneumonia; and www.mycoplasmasupport.org for mycoplasma...

    I sympathize... while I have CFIDS, my teen-age son by 16 had my symptoms plus worse - would've been in huge denial as I truly understand his - and yours - not wanting to 'identify' with Mom's problems (but worse);

    and he probably would've been diagnosed with FM as all his other blood tests came back 'normal'. Except I realized by this time the growing prevalence of people with CF/FM here and elsewhere finding out they really have lyme and/or one of the other bacterial or viral infections.

    You might also want to google an article about a Florida State University Quarterback in June 2005 who was found wandering down the street half-undressed and mumbling he was God, etc... he was hospitalized and went thru many tests, everything was normal... finally a friend of the family suggested getting tested for Lyme.

    Yep, it was positive, and while the quarterback was able to be back at school last year, he is no longer playing football. Lyme can show up initially with neurological symptoms - this FSU quarterback's friends had said he'd been acting different and strange in the months preceding his 'break' with reality, but they attributed it to stress.

    I mention this because for my son, it showed up as heightened anxiety/depression to start along with the sleeping as much as possible... we have no idea when he got the tick bite, but certain changes in the DNA bands on the test indicate that he now has had it for at least 3 years. He never had the rash, but fewer than 50% do.

    He is slowly progressing on oral antibiotics (abx) since getting a positive Igenex Western Blot in May of '05, is now 19 but still unable to work or go to school due to pain and memory problems.

    For myself, I am doing an experimental protocol that is working, and therefore tells me I have some sort of bacterial infection (the Marshall Protocol).

    Hope some of this helps... this is a great place for support. I'm also wondering, does your Mother ever come here?

    all the best,
    Victoria


    [This Message was Edited on 09/10/2006]
  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i think it is great you did it...it stinks...i am divorce from an ex uscg member..long term marriage been to gether for many years..

    but i couldnt dealw/it anymore...and filed divorce..he wouldn't get help...he liked his ups...

    sorry you have any of this stuff but we are here for you..
    jodie