Hi SJ and all....part 2.

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Debra49659, Jun 29, 2009.

  1. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Thought I'd start a new thread, forging towards better days:) Hi all...it has been a busy summer so far, a variety of kids coming from all over, dance camps, doctors appointments, and getting everything straight for social security. I received some back pay, its gone now...lol! But I have some money in CD's, paid 3/4 of the bills, bought a new sofa and a new bed for my parents. And crib and baby stuff for my daughter (she is due in September). Oh, and a scooter for me:)

    The back pay relieved a lot of worries, and helped out the family as well. Couldn't ask for more.

    How is everyone...SJ, I worry about you, you have taken some hard hits emotionally. I hope you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here soon. You won't have to deal with him as much. You are a strong woman but I hope you take some time for you to rest physically and mentally.

    Rafiki, you are really going full steam...being actively involved, getting the word out about CFS/ME! If anyone can make a difference you can. You really have a way with words. I can feel the emotion in everything you write, that is a rare gift indeed.

    Rain...how does your garden grow?? lol, mighty well I would guess. I am so happy for you and SJ...that you met and spend the afternoon together. What a wonderful adventure you had, you and your husband. Who BTW, sounds awesome!

    Vivian, Wind...who am I missing? Anyway you know who you are. I haven't forgotten, I've just misplaced your name...lol! I hope all is well with everyone. Rain, I sent out those prayers you needed.

    I hope all is well with everyone! I'm drawing a blank now, the fog is upon me so I will check back with you all later:)


    AhhhHaaa....its Spring that I missed!! Hugs! Spring, how are you??[This Message was Edited on 06/29/2009]
  2. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    Deb it is so good to hear about all the things you are able to do with your back pay. Hey you earned it lady.

    SJ I'm glad your hangin in there. You are fighting the good fight. I'm not so sure there is any room in basketville for you dear, you just don't fit the residency requirements lol.

    Rain I am always glad to hear of your gardening successes, they give me inspiration.

    Wind, Jole, Rafiki, Cate, Jam and all you other wonderful folks, I hope you are able to have some pain free days and are enjoying the summer.

    You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
  3. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Debra - loved the term ‘forging towards better days’. :) Things seem to be going well over there.Im sure Cookie girl is loping around. Has she become more outgoing?

    Rainbow – your garden sounds like somewhere I could hang out. Maybe live. I love getting lost in jungles. I have low blood pressure too. Get dizzy if I standup too suddenly.

    Saja – dear..hang in there. It was good to hear from you. And know how you are. Awaiting something is always hard. Prayers are ongoing. Loved reading about you and Rain meeting; two soul sisters.

    Rafiki, Vivian, Cynthia, others..hello you all

    I had a good three days or so when the energy spiked up…did a lot of visiting..just as well because from yesterday the womans thing has kicked in…and that always affects me in several ways. First PMS crankiness. Then the appetite goes.

    The rains have come in earnest to our part of the country. Its made it cooler. Thank goodness. Everybodys wells here was drying up. (The government hardly sends water thru its taps, so most depend on wells. )

    I know I had a vivid dream last night, (most nights I dream a lot) but I cant remember exactly what. Just that it was neither good nor bad. I tend to lump my dreams into good or bad.

    God Bless
  4. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Thank you so much for your prayers - and your caring! Yes, my therapist is very kind, generous, and I trust her deeply. I knew her years ago, then left for 20 years. In those years, she specialized in Trauma, and many other things that are just what I need. Amazing.

    I can just imagine what you are going through - with all the memories, and feelings being stirred up again. I'm so sorry - both of us have to keep working on our healing, strengthening ourselves!

    I've been finding that my dreams have been helping me - my unconscious working with important things.

    Well, going to get ready for my therapy appt. now.

    Will keep you in my prayers! If there's anything special you need prayer for, or need to talk about, I'm here for you.

    Sending love to you, and your children.
    p.s. I'm so glad you have that book about Emotionally Abused Women - to learn from, and work with, and grow stronger.

  5. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Grrrrr!! I just lost my post, hope I can remember what I said..lol!

    Rainbow, your garden sounds wonderful. I am lucky that I have two small tomatoes on the tomato plant! Yum, Yum, Yum...your garden makes me what to be vegan:)

    Windblade, I too am going through therapy. I am liking my therapist as it seems she is developing a personality. Seriously thought I do find it so helpful to have someone to talk to about anything and not feel embarrass. She also leads the pain group I go to which I love the other gals are very nice, the hard part is trying to imagine that I will ever accept "pain". Talking about dreams mine have been scary lately from what I remember....snakes and people chasing after me and every place I find to hide they find me! I really hate scary dreams!!

    SJ, I hate that you have to go through this...it is so much to have to bear. I hope you just try to take one day at a time....and that you can visit the deepest part of your mind and visualize beating the snot out of the ex with a baseball bat. Never mind the last part...that can't be healthy. I do worry about you, set the health issues aside you still have so much to deal with, worry about. Easier said then done, but try to give your worries to the Lord...let him take care of them:)

    Vivian did I see a post from you?? I think I remember seeing one...lol:) I hope all is well with you and you are enjoying the summer. You can tell its summer though can't you?? Not as much posting:) Myself too!

    To tell the truth I have been so sad lately...so worried. We took Cookies back to the rescue agency because of her anxiety. She was so scared of everything but me, so scared all the time. It couldn't have been good for her health. Now...I feel so guilty....and I worry about her everyday. The agency knows that she needs to be placed with a home with little people traffic and hopefully no males. I want to call but I know I cant get through the phone call without breaking down. I miss her.

    I hope all is as well as can be with everyone...Rafiki, I miss you:) Talk with you all later.

  6. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Well, whoever said I was active was sorely mistaken but if I gave that impression, I'm mighty pleased. Those of us with ME can't afford to just lie here and wait for someone else to get things done even though that is what I do most of the time. A lot has been happening on the ME front over the past few weeks and I really felt the need to support some people on the board who work very, very hard on our behalf.

    Aside from that, I've done nothing. We have still all been dealing with creepy crawlies but I've had a respite and can't figure out why because I'm the one who stopped doing everything and, frankly, haven't had the resources to (energy primarily) to even keep up with basic cleaning... and yet.

    My eldest step is still separated from his new baby which is so distressing. This puts a terrible strain on their relationship as there are all kinds of practical complications when new parents are in two different cities trying to figure out when and how to reclaim their home. It's awful for my step to miss all this early bonding with his daughter. It's so, so hard for him but they just don't feel they can take a baby back into a house. I'm beginning to think they should just get back together and deal with whatever but I don't think I could do that with a new baby in their shoes. This should have been such a great time for them and it's been pretty awful.

    The rest of the family went to a parasitologist last week and he said it could be a bird mite infestation. That was interesting because they didn't mention bird mites. I don't think it is necessarily bird mites but it did make us think that this guy must be seeing more people than our little pack. They're collecting samples but, as I said, I seem good ~ cross your eyes!!!

    As for the rest, my ill step may consent to a treatment program, again. She's contemplating and we're holding our collective breath because she's very ill. And, just to make everything perfect, my other step - youngest boy - is moving to the middle east in a week. This has been in the works for months, of course, but I always kinda hoped he'd change his mind. Nope.

    So, that's me.

    Oh! Now I've forgotten who's on this thread.

    SJ, it goes on, huh. I may have missed something but thought I should spew while I could sit because I usually use up all my sitting time reading and then it's too late to write anything. I will catch up. I hope you are bearing up as well as can be expected. I have learned that one of the reasons we must take care of ourselves is so that we can deal with whatever happens. We can't control what happens, we know that, but we can develop some ability to control how skilfully we cope so that no matter what happens we remain a source of love, stability and strength. Yeah? Yeah.

    Julie, I don't know how you do 1/10 of what you do, I really, really don't! I hope everyone's parents are "ok" whatever version of ok it is. Do you have any siblings or siblings-in-law? It seems as though all generations in all directions orbit around one small woman - Julie. Do you need help?!?!

    Wind, it's always good to see you. I hope you are finding comfort and strength in your journey.

    Was Vivian here? Hey, Vivian!

    Deb, I seem to remember that you are busy and also helping out generations in all directions! And, that you got a new scooter! Ziiiip!

    I'm sorry, I will probably close this and realize that I have forgotten someone I really did not want to forget...

    Rain! How are you Rain?

    Springwater! I hope things are ok in Kathmandu and that your children thrive! Happy Birthday to HH!

    See... I knew it...

    Ok, flatness had gotta happen now.

    Take care and peace out,
  7. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    dear..so happy to know of the slight improvement in situation....

    i was going thru some stuff here of my own with my siblings, in fact i have just got a call from sis in law saying the ct scan of my brother is not so good prognosis and we need to find a good doctor; the doc she was seeing is available only on Monday. My older bro and i need to go find a doctor now. Its Friday morning, so we have a chance. Iguessmore tests wil be required.

    God Bless

    [This Message was Edited on 07/10/2009]
  8. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Ive been to the doc and good news for now, my brothers ct scan doesnt show anything to be worried about right now....tho we have to keep an eye on any changes in the mark on the liver by having ultrasounds every three months.

    God is good.

    God Bless
  9. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Just wanted to stop by to express my hopes that all have a good week.

    Spring, very glad to hear that things are not as bad as might... we'll just leave it there and not tempt fate. Stuff will happen whether we tempt or not. I hope you are having a peaceful, or joyful, moment right now.

    Rain, when I think of you I can practically smell sweet grass and rich loam - lovely!

    Deb, Wind, SJ... challenges still coming and heavy burdens to be shouldered, I see. We can only do our best. So often things do not turn out as we have hoped but make sense with time.

    I will think of you this week SJ. I will think of you being triumphant because you will keep your gentle heart strong and all else will be manageable because of that. Stay strong, fierce mother; stay strong and loving.

    My boy leaves tomorrow for the middle east. When you "make aliyah" you have a contract with Israel and are making a long term commitment to staying. It's complicated to change your mind after 6 mo. if you decide you want to. It's not impossible but it is costly and complicated. It is so insane that I should end up with two kids in Israel and neither of them is there to work for Palestinian statehood or a peaceful two state solution. My boy is very good at seeing both sides of an issue and intends to teach in the Israeli school system but my lovely girl believes that G-d is on her side which kind of trumps all else and means, to her, that she has a biblical obligation to... well, you get the picture. They know how I feel about everything but I do not judge them. It's a high wire act but we haven't fallen to our doom yet.

    I'm not even going to try to explain the "mite" situation. Suffice it to say it's not as good as I thought it was. My boy dropped off some stuff the other day so I might have been reinfected, don't know, but... argh! We are waiting for the blood test results from the parasitologist but I have never thought of this in terms of an internal parasite. We'll see. It's pretty crazy to have bugs for more than a year, let me tell you!

    Bugs and the emigrating to the middle east are not things I planned for! Well, dear ladies, it seems that this exercise is all about dealing with the things we did not plan for, doesn't it.

    I wish I had the energy to engage in Vivian's "Attachments" thread! Ah well, I will let go of my attachment to having an opinion and input in every conversation. That feels good!

    Peace and courage to all,
  10. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Praying hard for you this week! I know Wed. and Friday are important days, really every day will be as you prepare, rest, strengthen yourself. We'll all be with you - you are so loved here. So glad that you have Rain's wonderful support, and your communities.

    I put a post up about extra prayer we're receiving for this board - it started yesterday. And I shared how I'm doing on Goatwoman's post. I'm getting through!

    Sending you extra love - have great confidence in you. Agree with all that Rafiki said, especially to "keep your gentle heart strong". Your mothering love is so beautiful!!!

    Prayers will be with you all through.
    Love, Judy
  11. Doznclan3

    Doznclan3 New Member

    It's been a while since I've been on asking for prayers. Our grandson is doing much better! Thanks again to all for thoughts and prayers.
    I've also been working on our garden. Hey Rain, have any tomatoes ready and eaten by now. Just did that today. I love them fresh like that. I have a lot of the crook neck squash coming on...and some green. My sunflowers don't sound like they are as far along as yours, but they are taller than the fence now, and I can see the little flower starting in the middle, that will be a big flower, with a lot of seeds. :) Oh, and I got some cherrie tomatoes too.
    I am now officially fostering a dog...again. It's been fun. He is a German Wirehair Pointer. It's too funny, he sneaks up to the chickens..fenced in of course..and then points. He's under a year, going to be a great dog for someone. Quick to learn..willing to do what you want. Very active! So, someone that wants a good hunting dog, or a running compaion. My little dog doesn't care for him at all..I think he's jealous. :)
    Rafiki, where are you from? I've heard you talk about those critters before. Sounds like you have some family things going on too. Boy, life goes on doesn't it? There's always something to keep us helping, working, worring, or smiling. :)
    I want to say to hi to "everyone"!
    Hey, is anyone on facebook? I got talked into it by my kids. I actually really like it. You should try it. We could all be on facebook, and put up pictures. It's fun.
    I need to put up a new picture on there. I died my hair black!!!! It's black!!!!!!!!!!! Covers the gray. :)))))
    See ya'll later, love, Cynthia
  12. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Good luck for tomorrow. Praying everything goes well. You are such a strong person. I know i could not cope as you have and do. Prayers are ongoing, you deserve all good things.

    Deb - no need to feel guilty about Cookie. You did the best you could.

    Cynthia - glad to know grandson is doing well.

    Rainbow - the sound of your garden and the things growing in it, cheer me up.

    Rafiki - read your latest post re mites...I just hope an end to this infestation comes soon. Im also struggling with severe fatigue...im keeping up reading on that board about this debilitating disorder..my thoughts are with you often.

    Judy - read your post on georgias thread...and thinking of you...and praying of course..altho there are times i have / do slip up. I just watched an EFT utube for depression and feeling a bit cheered up. Because from 100 comments no one said its stupid or quackish..everyone said they were helped. Need that encouragement.

    Ive had another rough day. Brothers are having problems with each other re finances. and discovered on top of the enormous debts younger brother has run up, he has not paid electricity and water bills for a whole year and more. I dont know where the money is gonna come from to pay those.

    Its very hot and i need a bath, i feel sticky..but i am so fatigued..just need to lay me down and sleep.

    Hugs all

    God Bless

  13. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member


    Just wanted to drop in quickly and voice my support for SJ as tomorrow looms. Like Spring (hello dear Spring) I am in awe of your ability to carry on dealing with this nightmare. The truth is on your side. You have a well of courage upon which to draw but you must be exhausted. I am sending all good thoughts in your direction for the next 24... at least!

    Life continues to be just as complicated as life always is! What with one thing and another, it is all consuming.

    Courage, ladies, courage!

    peace out,
  14. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I haven't check in lately....it's been a combination of the blues and busyness. I am dealing with not having Cookie but I am still so very sad, I really miss her. I hope she is happy and OK.

    I check back in over the weekend, SJ good luck tomorrow!
  15. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Well, it seems that went pretty well! I'm sorry the sun gave you a headache but how great not to be able to see him!!!

    I am ashamed to say that I was happy to hear he has congestive heart failure - how weird is that! I'm sure everyone understands.

    Try not to let the fact that your boy has feelings for his dad hurt too much. Kids love their parents independent of whether or not they deserve that love. Kids need to sort out some kind of relationship with both parents and sometimes that means living with them, at least for a time. It's not about how much they love you and, as you know, it's not a betrayal of you if they need to spend time with him. They have to make peace with him, somehow.

    My steps have gone back and forth between their bio parents over the years. Moves were motivated by far more complicated things than how much they loved each parent. Sometimes they felt the need to live with the parent with whom they needed to work something out, not the parent they felt closest to. At the end of the day, how much time they logged with whom had absolutely no impact on how good the relationship is now. They had business to settle with each and needed time to do so. It was never easy for either parent.

    I will be holding a good thought that things come out just as you would wish. Seems to me that living with you would be the best thing that could happen to a child, any child! The most important thing, of course, is that you are their loving mother. No matter what, you are their loving mother. Nothing changes that.

    Must say, he sounds a piece of work! Isn't it odd to consider who we once thought we should marry?!

    Rest up now! And, as ever...


  16. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    So happy this one ordeal is over....i have met many people who can lie through their teeth and the curious thing is they seem to be convinced they are telling the truth for that time! My brothers are like that. I feel such an aversion towards my brothers especially middle one, i know he is out and out bad and selfish. Evil sometimes.

    I just hope this whole thing of yours will be sorted out, that the truth and good will prevail in the end, you get your children and you never ever ever have to deal with this man. Never have to set your eyes on him. Your kids will find out for themselves the truth of him and choose to distance themselves from any kind of bad influence he may try to wield over them in his delusional state. I truly pray for that.

    Meanwhile rest up. Nuture yourself.

    God Bless

  17. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Things here are very distracting. I'm getting distraught emails from kid who just went overseas. He's beyond being able to cope with ongoing infestation and has talked about feeling his "sanity" is on the line. My kids all suffer from some degree of anxiety, depression and OCD. One also suffers from severe anorexia nervosa. I'm sure everyone can imagine how distressing it is to deal with these symptoms plus a constant sensation of something crawling all over you plus the fear you might transmit it to someone else. I'm faring much better than the kids although it still goes on. The biggest issue for me is the suffering of the kids and the second is that I can't really afford my apt. but don't dare move until this is sorted out. So, I can just about deal but I'm running on empty.

    Everyone seems to be coping about as well as I am which is not what I would arrange for you if I had total control over your lives!!! Ah well, what are we going to do. We will all keep moving forward using our various practices and beliefs to keep us strong, calm and compassionate.

    Be kind to yourselves! Everything else really does spring from your ability to extend compassion to yourself. So, we will try not to spend any energy on beating ourselves up because we have other things to attend to!

    Peace, courage, compassion, kindness...

    Breathe... slowly... breathe... deeply... breathe... gently... breathe

  18. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I haven't been feeling very well so I hope you will all forgive me for not posting as often. I have concerns you will all think I just don't care anymore, which is not the case.

    SJ...I am glad that everything went as well as can be expected. I'm really feel that you will be the victor in this battle. The winner will be you and your children!

    Rafiki...I'm breathing...lol! My ex son-in-law joined the military shortly before he married my daughter. He had a terrible adjusting to his post in Afghanistan. He was busy plotting many a way to get booted out of the military in fact. He did adjust after a short time. in fact he is still in the military, he re-upped. The reason for the divorce.

    Anyhow...gentle hugs to all and as always you are in my prayers. Arggghhh, the dogs are on my last nerve today...gotta go:)

  19. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Is there any way at all to get rid of those blasted little creatures....I am getting frustrated hearing about them...today a pigeon flew into my bedroom and started doing a dance on the dressing table in front of his reflection....this is quite common, we have random pigoens perched outside the house and they sometimes come in...but i got scared thinking of your situation with the bird mites. I have not let up praying.

    Saja - i hope you are remaining strong and trying to enjoy time with your daughters...and making yourself relax....like Rafi says, breathe, breathe, breathe.

    Deb - o ho the doggies are getting your goat too? same story here. Im about done with picking up poop and dog fur.

    Judy, Cynthia, everyone.....I hope you doing all right....

    hugs all

    God Bless

  20. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    the stomach flu that is:) I was in the ER on Saturday...that's how bad I felt. Lucky they prescribed something for the nausea as I couldn't take any of my medications and the FM was having a wild old time because of it.

    Took me almost a week to recover, ER doctor said 5 people walked in the door behind me with the same symptoms.

    Has anyone been over to the FM board, it is full of strife. Most of the posts I ignore, I'm not getting into a battle of the wits because I would lose..lol!

    I'm happy for those that have recovered for whatever reason, not sure why everyone can't be.

    Hope everyone is ok, Spring I did let the dogs live...lol, and they should be happy about it!
    SJ, how are you holding up?? Hope all is well with you.

    I'm sorry I can't post to everyone today but please know you are loved:)