Hi Springwater

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Rafiki, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I encountered a long, in depth, news piece online about the elections in Nepal. I was sure I bookmarked it to read when I could concentrate but I didn't actually bookmark it! It's a shame because it looked like a good analysis. I'm trying to find it again.

    I remain concerned about Tibet. It is a nerve wracking yet fascinating situation playing out.

    I've been posting mostly about things that are not very personal lately. My personal life has been a bit up in the air and, since we talk as two women more than two women with symptoms, I waited until now to write to you.

    I have an adult child dealing with a long, difficult illness and we've been trying to puzzle out what would be the best situation for her in terms of where she should live. It looks like we will live together for a while - she's at Uni. - which means I will be moving which really is the only down side as she is a delightful child/woman. It's all a bit stressful as I do wish she were completely well but I am confident that we can get her well.

    So, there you have it, what's been consuming my thoughts lately. Still not completely settled but will be in the next few days.

    How are you and yours? Do things feel different there now?

    I do hope you are doing alright!

    Peace to you,
  2. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member


    I am so sorry to learn about your child and the challenges faced by her and you. I admire all parents who are able to cope. I know it is one of lifes harder lessons.

    One Tibetan doctor told me good people often are seen to have to endure great hardships - its because they are nearing the end of their cycles of rebirth. They have learnt their lessons of loving kindness and have no further need to keep coming back. Nirvana - after this lifetime? Well, thats a comfort if true.

    I will pray for guidance for you all. With a loving family such as yours I am sure she will get well. Love is the most powerful thing, isnt it, after all? I know she is a wonderful girl having been raised by you and yours.

    I just watched the news about the Austrian abuse case where a man incarcerated his own daughter and abused her for 24 years and felt such despair to think maybe there are more out there and we dont know and this all goes on and I prayed this wicked world would implode on us all. I get like that whenever I hear of something terrible. Luckily I am calmed down a bit.

    Not much changes right now. In the political scene. Some killings still going on. In remoter areas. The Maoists have an overwhelming majority. That is apparent. Result they say, of years of corruption and misgovernance by the previous goverments.

    My daughter and i were walking past the Royal Palace yesterday and I told her - to look at it properly, its probably not gonna remain a 'palace' much longer.

    My friend was telling me theres rumours Comrade Prachanda would like to make it a Presidential Palace and move into it. Oh I miss our good king Birendra who was assassinated by his own son...Birendra was such a good soul...he truly had the hearts of his people. That they wanted an end to monarchy was another matter, they knew a good man when they saw one and grieved so much when he went.

    You can go to www.nepal.com. I think my husband visits that site often to get the latest news.

    This thing about Chinese counterprotesting about the Tibetan protests. I felt like writing in and saying "did they get orders from the Chinese Government to go out there and protest? Its quite likely. "Protest or yu will be in trouble! " Then better sense and a kinder spirit prevailed and i thought maybe they just want the Olympic Games to be a success and dont want anything ruining it. That it wasnt against the "Tibetans" as such. Like the Tibetans feel for their country, the Chinese would feel for their own.

    Here its ongoing, Maoist government or no Maoist government. The Tibetans are not letting up. Everyday they are having peace rallies. And protesting outside the Chinese visa office. The other day the police actually let them rally.....didnt charge anyone with batons or anything. And there are organised prayers every single day where men and women flock to contribute their 'mani', counting of beads for freedom.

    God Bless

  3. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Thank you for your kind words about my situation with one of my girls. You have really helped me cope, actually! The ideas you conveyed from the Tibetan doctor were very helpful several times when I found myself feeling overwhelmed by anxiety or stress.

    I don't think I'm all that good or all that enlightened (I know I'm not!) but it helped me to remember what it is I want to become. When a little voice in my head would start to chatter about how difficult I felt it was, I would remember the way out of that suffering and my commitment to metta, loving kindness, as a way of life. What you wrote helped to remind me of the path and I would more easily let go. Thank you very much!

    You know, I try to say the Bodhisattva prayer with complete truth but the thought of doing all of this over and over and over is so overwhelming! I so admire Bodhisattvas but I really don't understand people who want to live forever. Noooooo! What are they thinking?

    The Austrian abuse case is beyond my comprehension, too. I can make no sense of it at all. I can never make sense of people who cannot access their own compassion. I don't understand it on so many different levels. I'm very relieved that you returned to yourself and your "prayers" were not answered :~) I have stuff to do, the world can't implode just yet!

    It must be a very strange time in Kathmandu. Of course, things have been so strange since the dreadful assassination... perhaps before but I would not know anything about that. That assassination really shocked the whole world.

    You are certainly witnessing some fascinating history. Why is it, do you suppose, that fascinating history so seldom means that everything is unusually wonderful? I can imagine what a challenge it must be to give your children a full and accurate picture of such a rapidly changing situation. Things that we see as everlasting so often become nothing but historical oddities for our children. All is change

    It is so difficult to know what is going on in Tibet. In fact, it is impossible. It is impossible even to know who are monks and who are pretending to be monks -- it only takes a shaved head and some robes to provide the necessary photo op. On the other hand, you cannot take hope away from people for 40 years and expect that they will not react to the reality that when you have lost hope you have little else to lose.

    And, of course, it is tragically easy to underestimate the power and determination of the Chinese Government. The counterprotesting could well be an organized action. So little is left to chance by the powers that be in China.

    I think I told you that at a rally here in Toronto, during a visit by Hu Jintao, I was protesting with the Tibetan community and we were completely obscured by enormous Chinese flags. Not normal size flags but a great wall of oversized flags that completely blanketed downtown Toronto streets for blocks and blocks around the venue where he was speaking. It was remarkable. All you could see in acres and acres of downtown TORONTO was the Chinese flag! No storefronts, no pedestrians, no parked cars, certainly no Tibetan or Falon Gong protesters just the unbroken image of the Chinese flag. It was awe inspring -- in a very frightening way.

    The Tibetans and I were very close to where Hu Jintao would exit the building -- just feet away -- and several mounted police officers were guarding his way on their sligtly nervous horses. The burley men holding the "flags" were quite aggressive and kept pushing me back. I'm very easy to push. Finally, I said, "Hey, free speech guys; we're all Canadian here!" A very angry looking man looked at me and said, "I'm not Canadian! I'm Chinese!" I don't know if these people were brought to Canada to serve the president by blocking all democratic protest in Toronto or if the local community actually has such people in it.

    It was sobering. I really understood what a force this is in the world and how foolish we would be to underestimate it. I felt a bit like I was seeing Swastikas all over my city. It did not feel good and I felt very small.

    I try to imagine how you feel. I can't of course. I continue to read the news. Thank you for the good source. I was moved to tears by your description of people protesting there. We are capable of such courage -- demonstrators and police ~ this is good!

    Well, my friend, do not be imploding the world without giving me some warning :~)

    Thanks for the gift of wisdom. It has been such a help.

    Much metta all over your good self!

    Take good care,
  4. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    I think you are a GOOD person full of 'metta'. To have a situation at home with an ill child, to have FMS and be in pain and then to come out of yourself and go join a rally for a cause very far removed from yuorself...that speaks for itself. When one is ill, it is so easy to be consumed by ones self and not care about the outside world. I get that way when i have bad depressive episodes which dont let up for long.

    Boddhisattvas! I dont know how they do it. To have those heights of compassion and courage. I dont even think about aspiring to (Boddhisattvism?). Lol! I'm aware when i pray that im praying mainly to be free and at peace...and I do voice that in my prayers and ask forgiveness for not asking for something higher than that...but it feels like I dont have the strength...not after all Ive been thru and Im pretty sure Im understood Out There/Up There. I mean how many of us can be a Mother Teresa (among others, Mandela etc)? Leaving hearth and home for a hot dusty land you've only heard of and living such a sparse monastic life! And providing help for millions.

    That 'detachment'Buddhism tells us about, seems to me like the nuns out there in Kolkatta have perfected it. No undue attachment to home, family, material things...just a desire to go out and be of service. Sister Nirmala had come here and i could see peace emanating out of her face. There was no sorrow, no worry, just calmness and kindness. Now i recall, the previous HH Dudjom Rinpoche had that look and presence.

    Ive seen this kind of peace another time, on the face of a Rajneesh yoga practitioner who did something called transcendental yoga. I think it was called that. It is a yoga which lets you let out your pent up emotions in a screaming yelling or basically way kind of action. Theres an ashram some eight miles away and i went just once. The person who was explaining the method to me had that look of utter calm and peace on his face. Otherwise, I am quite leery of anything Rajneesh, because of his ideas on free sex and all those Rolls Royces he is said to have had. Id read things in magazines. But i am learning to let go of prejudices as i grow older. And learning not to automatically lump things into two categories , good and bad.

    I was such an extreme person when i was a child and growing up. Bad was bad. Smoking made you a bad person. Drinking made you a worse one. Telling a lie, bunking class. Writing love letters, receiving loveletters, all bad bad bad. Did i have some learning to do!

    Yes, some fanatically political Chinese can be bewilderingly harsh and unsympathetic. But i think it is the environment there. That military type thing ingrained into them. Having Chairman Mao stuffed down their throats from babyhood up. But removed from that influence theyre like any others. Good and very hardworking and clannish.

    My sort of best friend is Chinese. And her husband too. And they are so proud of being Chinese. Not in a political way. But cultural.

    At the lunches she gives, and she gives them frequently i keep meeting other Chinese. I studiously avoid mentioning the Tibet issue and so do they. Because i know they have nothing to do with it. In fact, my friends mother in law was thrown into a camp during the Indo China war in the 1960s. She was in India. So many Chinese suffered during that time...on the way to school there was this beautiful mansion just left to rot - the Chinese people occupying it were said to have just fled leaving it like that.

    Good Lord, what a lot ive written. It just came. Heh heh. Sorry. It is so interesting to hear of your experiences. Re Buddhism and the protests and learn of your thoughts on all other things. It is educating and more real than learning something from the newspapers/books since its firsthand.

    God Bless

  5. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    it has nothing to do with being Chinese! I, too, have Chinese friends who oppose the regime. The students in Tianamen Square opposed the regime. But, the regime is very scary.

    I have a child (orthodox Jewish stepdaughter) who lives in Jerusalem. She and I are almost diametrically opposed when it comes to middle east politics and we both feel quite passionate about things. I desperately want her to share my values but she is a woman with her own mind and life and I must respect that. She was dating a man who lives in a "settlement" which was an interesting time for us because she knows how opposed I am to the settlements. But, we love, respect and accept each other completely and simply do not discuss things we know will only lead to discord.

    I think this gets to, not only what you were saying about the problem with Maoists not being the Chinese people, but also to the other topic -- that of judging good and bad and the folly therein. She and I would each certainly judge the other wrong were we to allow ourselves to judge at all. It is a powerful lesson. She is a very spiritual girl beyond her strict religious observance and we do discuss issues like this.

    I should tell you that I do not suffer from pain as a major symptom of ME (CFS). Also, I don't feel as though I demonstrate for people far away. I demonstrate for myself. I'm sure you understand, probably better than I do. There is no us, no them, no far away really. There is only... what? Us? All? God? Nothing? One? Everything I do, I do for me... not that there is a me, really :~)

    I think that those people you describe who are so self sacrificing are, perhaps, not suffering or really sacrificing at all. Perhaps they are simply free. Well, Mother Teresa seemed to suffer rather a lot, come to think of it. But, the Buddha did not.

    I remember the guy with the Rolls Royces! Strangely, what I remember about him is a piece on 60 Minutes (a popular US news magazine show) in the 1980s with many shots of his Rolls Royce. Is that the same guy? I must Google.

    I'm sorry you must deal with depression. That is such a difficult affliction. I know because when I tried an SSRI for fatigue I became clinically depressed although it is not something I have to deal with usually. It was awful! I don't know how people cope when what is hurting is the part of you that copes. Very hard. Very, very hard. I used to have Panic Disorder which was not nice but I came to understand that it's better than depression.

    Have you ever tried Omega 3 (and 6, maybe) long chain fatty acids - fish oils or flax seed oils? They should only be taken with care if you take an SSRI as they function in a similar fashion. They are very useful for weaning off SSRIs, actually. Might be something to consider if you're not on them.

    I'm not usually typing away here at this time - coming up on midnight - but I had strong coffee very late and I'm a little bit hyper. Well, maybe more than a little bit :~)

    Because of my hyper state, I'm not sure if I have responded to your post. I hope I have!

    With Much Metta to you,

    ETA You know, young Springwater reminds me quite a bit of my stepdaughter. It's not easy living in a world with so much right and wrong, is it! I hope she evolves out of it as you have. I think it will be easier for her to let go a little bit but, of course, that seems very frightening to her right now. She feels as though she needs the structure of right and wrong, good and bad, us and them. In many other ways she is light years ahead of me in terms of awareness and understanding.

    I should shut up now :~)

    Too much coffee!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/08/2008]
  6. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    because you wrote such a lovely and thoughtful post and I have replied with caffeine fueled nonsense.

    Ah well,
  7. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I hope this finds you well. I looked at your profile recently and saw your children. They are so beautiful! It must fill your heart with joy to look at them. Yes, I know, worry is never very far behind the joy. Ah well, the moments of joy must be intense!

    I'm finding it difficult to think about "ordinary" things for very long these days. My mind bounces (so much for years of practice... well, the years of practice are helping) between concern for my immediate family and their problems and the terrible tragedy in Burma/Myanmar. Estimates rose to 100,000 today. And, incalculable numbers injured, homeless, grief stricken, frightened...

    I have been to Burma but only for a few days. I was on the river and in the area where the Karen live. I had some really beautiful experiences in that suffering place.

    Then, of course, I watch the spectacle of the Tibetan flag... OH WOW! What an interesting mistake!!! I meant the attempt to take the Chinese flag up Everest. His Holiness wrote a prayer to the mountain. I downloaded it but it is in Tibetan. I will have to make up my own. I'm sure that will be fine.

    As Dickens said, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." When is it not.

    Enjoy your beautiful children and everyone else you love.
  8. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    I think you are more 'evolved' than you give yourself credit for. When you think of the Tibetan problem as 'your' problem. It means you really do think of the world and yourself as 'one' and not separate entities. I think this is one of the goals spiritually inclined people aspire to -'oneness.'

    Unfortunately, I have a ways to go on that count. I am so benumbed by my own 'petty' issues that even the news of Myanmars terrible tragedy and the horrendously rising death toll is not touching me too hard. Or am i blocking it out consciously? On the contrary, Im thinking, wow, theyre free. They dont suffer anymore. This, of the dead. The others, I seem to have shut off. I know it is the living who suffer more than the dead. And to contemplate the living who have to deal with the sudden loss of loved ones and ones own life as one knows it, is too much for me to want to comprehend. At least Ang San Suu Kyi is unhurt.

    I am relieved to know you dont suffer pain as suffered by some FMS patients. I too dont feel physcial pain so much as chronic tiredness. And a feeling of stiffness and being 'blocked' energy wise.

    It amazes me that the Palestinian issue can go on and on and on with so much loss of life and they still go around in circles, the politicans, over the issue. Its got so, when they show a Jewish settler whose home was vandalized or the like, I go, "good, you were looking for that, werent you?".

    I havent tried Omega or HTTP and those things. The psychiatrist i saw just writes down medicines...the usual anti dep and tranquilizer. Nothing accelerates my depression more than taking tranqulizers long term. Ugh. They suppress feeling. Which is good in emergency situations but not otherwise. Im taking some Tibetan medicines and doing Monk Thich Nhat Hahns meditations which help incredibly! I need to be disciplined about doing them tho. And with depression discipline is the thing which takes a knock first. It incapacitates one by taking away motivation.

    Yes, I was so surprised Mother Teresa was found to have crisis of faith for so many years unknown to any of us. And seeing what she saw would have tested the faith of many. But it just reinforces my belief about "when good people suffer greatly". Pope John Paul with his Parkinsons. One would logically think people close to God would be happiest and most fortunate. A man i know is such a good good soul. Honest, quiet, everywhere where people need help, at funerals, at sick beds, moving house, he is there helping. His wife died of cancer after long illness, and not a year later, one of his young monk sons dies suddenly of a flu like illness. Another similar kind of man has diabetes and is losing his sight. Why? I know it must be because after death something better than the rest of us is waiting for them.

    By the way, I dont mind you having coffee while typing, lol. Caffeine fuelled or not, your posts are wonderful to read and always give me food for thought.

    Thank you for the kind comments about my children. On nepalese Mothers day about three days ago, daughter arranged a little surprise. She sent son to get me to unlock the sitting room door and when I opened it, they said "surprrrrise"! and they had laid out little candles and a big bunch of roses and some snacks on the table. And also two very hurriedly and roughly self made (lol) cards. They presented me with a book "My name is Red" by Orhan Pamuk - Turkish author whose another book i am reading and really like. A co incidence - when we went for my friends sons birthday dinner, a day later guess what we found his dad had got him? 'My name is Red! the very same book I got from my daughter!.

    God Bless

  9. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I see you have a birthday coming up! You are just a little less than 10 years younger than I am. In August I will be 56. Aging is very surprising, isn't it. I feel ageless on the inside. I don't suppose I am on the outside but the inside is more important, no?

    What a conundrum you have with the very helpful meditation and the incapacitating nature of depression. Is it a meditation that you can do in tiny increments whenever you think of it? Sometimes we can give ourselves a little taste of what we need and that helps to overcome the inertia and return motivation. Or, is there a way to get external structure? You know what I mean... a place to go to sit or someone with whom to sit. The Buddha was right about the importance of the Sangha in staying motivated to practice and it is all the more difficult when one is depressed. Sometimes we need a depression Sangha, I guess.

    I appreciate your take on suffering. I, too, struggle with how unfair it seems. (We are in good company, though, are we not :) I find the suffering of children most difficult to understand. I like to think that people who have difficult lives also have enormous spirits equal to the task. It comforts me to think that they might have chosen them, somehow, the way we do a university course: that looks tough but I'll give it a go. This thinking helps me through my own difficult times because if there was a time when I thought I could manage this, there must be a chance that I can. And, there must be a point. I think we have quite similar understanding which isn't surprising.

    Your children are so beautiful! They really are beautiful and seem so spirited. Life takes great spirit these days. Your children look equal to the task. The picture makes me smile! Looking at them must be a remarkable experience for you.

    What a gay and lovely surprise they created for you. It seems as though you a very well loved! How wonderful it is to be loved well and to love well.

    This weekend is Mother's Day here in NA. So I began by wishing you an early happy birthday and I will end by wishing you a late happy Mother's Day!

    with metta,
  10. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    for all those women! So very, very sad!

    Crazy world.

  11. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    So sad for whom? Which women? I didnt understand.

    About the meditation i do - it is from Thich Nhat Hahns Transformation and Healing book.


    The Buddha said" Bhikkus there is a most wonderful way to help living beings realize purification , overcome directly grief and sorrow, end pain and aniety, travel the right path, and realize nirvana. This is the Four Establishments of Mindfulness.

    What are the four establishments?

    1. Bhikkus a practitioner remains established in the observation of the body in the body, diligent, with clear understanding, mindful, havig abandoned every craving and distaste for this life.

    2. He remains established in the observation of the feelings in the feelings, diligent......

    3. 3. He remains established in the observation of the mind in the mind, diligent.....

    4. He remains established in the observations of the objects of the mind in the objects of the mind, diligent...."

    "He goes to the forest at the foot of a tree, or to an empty room, sits cross legged and holds his body straight, he breathes in aware that he is breathing in, he breathes out, awarethat he is breathing out....


    The above breathing exercise is my life saviour because i have gone without meds before (Prozac) and i know the hell i was descending into.. sooooo utterly miserable so utterly hopeless, and zero energy I would have done something stupid if i had gone on. I hurriedly got back to my meds. But since discovering this breathing technique and other meditations...i have been able to cope, just about, and not have to reach out for my medication in a panic.

    Thich Nhat Hahn also says about the practice of mindfulness, "WHEN BODY AND MIND ARE ONE, the wounds in our hearts, minds, and bodies BEGIN TO HEAL. As long as there is separation between body and mind, these wounds cannot heal. During sitting meditation, the three elements of breath, body and mind are calmed, and gradually they become one. When peace is estabished in one of the three elements, the other two will soon have peace also.

    To breathe with full awareness is a miraculous way to untie the knots of regret and anxiety and to be in touch with life in the present moment. When we follow our breathing, we are already at ease, no longer dominated by our anxieties and longings. Our breath becomes more regular, and peace and joy arise and become more stable with every moment. We come back to ourselves and are able to come restore oneness of our body and mind. This integration allows us to be in real contact with what is happening in the present moment, which is the essence of life.


    The book is full of such exercises and explanations and i have yet to read it in full but the one or two exercises i do help so much. Sometimes i just lay in bed and concentrate on my body, mind and breathing and feel the effects unfailingly unless im badly premenstrual when the effects are there but a bit muted.

    For me along with a genetic tendency meaning chemical imbalance there are so many old wounds submerged in my subconscious. I know because even when i feel like ive gotten over some issues and dont even think about them in my conscious waking life, suddenly in my dreams those issues will pop up and it comes with so much intense sadness, Im shocked. Why are they still there? I dont even think about them. Im desperately hoping these meditations will release whatever issues are embedded.

    Like you, i too also hav some issues concerning family which keep cropping up and dont get resolved easily or immediately, so its important to be strong and calm. Meditation/breathing helps me remain that, to a certain extent.

    Oh a good news...Rafiki. My husband has decided at long last to take me and the kids on vacation to a hill station in India. Seeing as how, daughter will leave home for college and we probably will have difficulty having time together all four of us.

    I am so looking forward to this. I really need to get away from the humdrum of daily life. My kids and me have only ever been away on vacation like this once before years back when they were little. That trip too was to Delhi and another hill station and such a restorer.

    I see u also are a movie buff. I once was. Now i carefully pick out unemotional movies, or those with happy endings. you mentioned about animals, did u see Babe? Its one of my all time favourites. Babe. Part one. About a pig. I love watching the ending again and again. WHAT a triumph!

    God Bless
  12. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Half a reply only as I saw this on my way to bed!

    The women I spoke of were the 500 Tibetan Refugee woman arrested in Kathmandhu yesterday. The tears, the heartbreaking quotes... very sad. The hope that they will be released, may already be released eases it. But they seemed so heartbroken.

    Your meditation is very close to one I do. I find that when I cannot seem to devote myself to sitting properly and carving out the time to devote to practice that I must take what moments I can to attend to the breath. I find that 3 or 4 attended, observed, peaceful, breaths in odd moments here and there during the day reawakens my eagerness to have more. I meditate in tiny islands of peace and returning throughout the day. Walking lends itself to meditation beautifully if you are walking alone in a place without cars and bicycles.

    I find Tonglen very useful but it does not lend itself to the mini meditation. Attention to the breath - the most powerful meditation of all - does.

    Oh! Babe! What a totally charming movie with such wonderful and imaginative set design!

    Must go to bed. Nearly 2 am here. I do a naughty thing when I go to bed. I meditate myself to sleep. I know it is frowned upon in a very serious manner. I know I am devoloping slothful habits but, so long as I do not meditate lying down, I do not find it causes me to fall asleep during daytime meditation and I have learned how to turn off my brain. I know I shouldn't do it but it I seem unable to resist doing the very think that allows me to throw the switch.

    Ah well, nobody's perfect.

    I wish you peaceful and fruitful meditation,
  13. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    The women were released yesterday itself in the evening. One of my husbands cousins had also been arrested and was let off at 9pm. I'd called up and her husband said the UN and other Human Rights people come to the goals and see that they are provided food and water during their confinement. My daughter was telling me she had seen this large body of women converging towards a temple when she was out walking. They take out protests in different parts at the same time.

    The Chinese Ambassador is very annoyed with what he calls "the lax way in which the Nepalese government is handling the protests and wants them to take 'stricter measures'". Oh yeah!? Like maybe gun them down or something, I suppose for daring to speak out and demand what is rightfully theirs. He said " UN agency and staff were present at every demonstration that occured, I dont know what is the purpose of human rights organization in Nepal. Are they here to supervise the human rights of Tibet?" Yes, Mr Ambassador, human rights mean rights of humans, whether in China, TIbet, Nepal or the Moon!

    Anyways the Chinese have their plates full what with the Olympics so near and the earthquake and its devastating toll. Its so horrifying to think of so many hundreds of school children just dying all together under rubble.

    Meditating yourself to sleep is okay if it helps you and your health. I am too agitated to sit and meditate, so i lie down and do it. Maybe i wil become relaxed enough one day that i can sit and do it the proper way.

    I saw the reports of the fires raging in Florida and wondered to myself, hmmmm...is this Armeageddon approaching? What with Myanmar and China and now this. Maybe the after effects of the cyclone further south east, we have been having cool wet weather when it should have been steaming hot this time of year.

    God Bless
  14. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    im pasting this here - which ive written in another message board

    Venting season 05/13/08 12:06 PM

    Looks like everyone is venting and so am I.

    Its almost 1am...and here i am at the computer. What am I doing? Waiting for the oven to heat so i can pop in a chicken to roast.

    And why so late? Because the fried meat dumplings i spent so much time preparing turned out to be...a disaster. the meat turned out to be stale and was smelling a bit off!!! I just had bought from the butchers...today. This after rubbing fat into the dough and kneading and preparing the meat with al its spices...grrrrrrrrr

    And why do I have to cook at this late hour? Because if i dont cook now, the electricity goes off tomorrow from 5 am to 10 am and my daughter has to take the meal when she leaves the house at 8am for her language class. From there she goes straight to her friend and classmates house where four of them will be having a monopoly session. They decided to have a potluck so as not to inconvenience the friends mum who has already cooked once before for all of them at an earlier monopoly session. By rights i should have been inviting them over to my house, but ugh i cant summon up the energy to cook and clean and entertain...i have before but it was before i went into this phase...

    My mood took such a downslide when the meat dumplings turned out bad...i just sat there ...feeling too heavy to move...daughter made up al the dressing/filling for the chicken but she is now fast asleep and snoring...Im guessing its gonna be two am before i sleep..earlier when recovering from the cooking disaster i put on the tv and see theres been five bomb blasts in India...and theyre still digging out people in China ....

    God Bless
  15. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Too many things happening! The world, the dumplings, the illness, the battle with depression. It does all get to be too much when you find out that the meat is bad in the middle of the night!!!

    It's strange what can push us that last inch so that we just want to weep. It isn't always, or even usually, something big. It's usually dumplings.

    I would feel so many painful and difficult feelings if I were alone in the night fighting fatigue and fate and intermittent electricity! I think I would probably just want to put my head in my hands and have a good cry. I'd probably want to tell the world to just stop being so crazy for a little while! (I do want to!) I would want a holiday from everything! But, unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the way this crazy world works, more's the pity!

    Thank goodness we have Meditation! Thank goodness we can take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. We have studied a wonderful and very effective psychology/philosophy and it can help us tremendously! Alas, it can only help us to deal with how difficult things can be to deal with. (I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Do you?) But, there is no denying that when we learn how to observe our mind peacefully, we can accept what comes with that same peace. And, of course, sometimes what comes is wonderful.

    I hope by now you have gotten some sleep! I hope you were able to see your daughter's beautiful face. I hope your dogs ran around your feet in merriment. I hope you had a good stretch, or let your hair out, or tasted something sweet. I hope you had some good moments and I hope you found a way to be present for them. That's the trick, isn't it!

    We can do it! Practice, practice, practice.

    Sometimes it seems so difficult!

    Maybe you are sleeping right now. That would be wonderful.

    Have lovely dreams!

    Smile, Breathe, Go Slowly,

    To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem.
    To meditate means to observe.
    Your smile proves it.
    It proves that you are being gentle with yourself,
    that the sun of awareness is shining in you,
    that you have control of your situation.
    You are yourself,
    and you have acquired some peace.

    Thich Nhat Hahn

    with metta,

    [This Message was Edited on 05/13/2008]
  16. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Yes, thank goodness we have meditation. I loved that poem by Monk Thich Nhat Hahn which you posted. Are'nt we both lucky to have discovered him? He has written so many books and i want to read them all but i have decided i wil not till i complete the one i have.

    I have this nasty habit of accumulating books, buying them and then hoarding them and not finishing them. And i am going to be strict with myself.

    I have been trying to pack, family supposed to go to India and am appalled at how weak i hav become. I do something for 15 mins and then have to rest. And then I lose the motivation to carry on wht i was doing.

    My goodness, how did i get this way? I wasnt like this when younger. The fatigue and low feeling has escalated in the last three years...I was telling my husband 'I'm like a broken old car, sputtering on near empty' but Ive still got the motivation to keep trying to get better - I guess thats something and Im pretty sure i have my prayers and meditation to help for that.

    If i do improve and i think i should, motivation + hope + sustained effort = healing/improvement, then good. If i dont, then I know it is in my karma and that my things are taking their karmic course anyway and I am closer to something good after all of this.

    I will try to post from India (the hotel there is supposed to have internet facilities, but if not you will know Im away from home. I will be thinking of you and the others tho. If I cant come here once a day, I feel like somethings amiss, I am so used to it. Meanwhile I am pendulating (lol!) between getting excited and getting panic attacks because everything seems so overwhelming.

    I have to go now and dress because it is the 49th day function of a relative who passed and the place is at a monastery rather out of town. I hope i can come back soon and finish my work here, you know those last minute things before a trip.

    How is your daughter doing?

    God Bless