Hi TeaBisquit

Discussion in 'Comfort, Grief and Advice' started by Helenawoodside, May 14, 2009.

  1. I know exactly what you're going through...I too lost my Dad on Sept. 2008, and then suddenly 7 months later..my Mom who was in a nursing home for 3 years and 1 month...died of a massive heart attack..

    My Dad's death was hard...but I can deal with it...He and I weren't very close....I hate to admit...I love him...but he wasn't into showing his love with hugs or anything...

    My Mom she was the best...then she ended up getting Alzheimer's in Dec. 2005...and everything changed for the worst in my life...I had to place Mom in a nursing home...She couldn't be indepedent anymore...and unfortunately I had to work..and had no family, friends,or relatives available to help with her care. She was in her home with different home attendants on a daily basis..but they only offered 3 hours of caregiving daily....Even though her Dr. wrote a prescription for additional hours..when the Dr. for the homecare agency evaluated her...she was having a "good day",very lucid that day...and he didn't feel she needed additional hours...

    My alcoholic/pot smoking brother lived with her...he was too busy...trying to hold a job...to maintain his habit...He was of no use to me...He didn't understand that Mom had dementia..and how to care forher..He couldn't take care of his own self...How could I depend on him...It was a nightmare for me...Mom would not eat when she got dementia..and I went everyday to feed her dinner after work...She would not eat with the staff at the nursing home..God what a horrible 3 years I went through...No matter how much I asked Mom to eat because she was diabetic...I could no longer reach her...Her mind was gone...

    My Mother is in a better place...but Tea I miss her terribly...so I know what your feeling...I am so sorry your family is treating you so horribly...after you lost both your Stepdad and Mother...too bad I don't live close by...I would be there for you...I live in Queens, NY...and like someone suggested get in touch with an agency...There is alot of help out there...Even though Mom was in a nursing home...I don't know what I would've have done without them...They took great care of Mom...and they put up with our antics..when we weren't happy with some of the stuff the nursing home did and did not do for Mom on ocassions...No nursing home is perfect...but they took very good care of her...and for that I am grateful...If you ever want to chat...Please go to the "Alzheimer's" Chatroom and leave a message...I will get back to you....My prayers to you...Good Luck and know that your parents are everyday with you in spirit...Take care, and many hugs, Helena
  2. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    It is hard to go through all this alone when we have no one to support us. The forums here are all I really have now.

    Lots of hugs.
  3. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    I don't understand all that has gone on before but I take it that you have lost your dad. Am i right?

    I have never been on "Grief" before but i was scanning the boards this afternoon and came across it. Decided that this is for me. Have I meet you before on Chit Chat?

    My DH passed away on May 17. We had been married for 59 1/2 years - they were so short!! I miss him so very, very much - life is not the same nor will it every be. we have 3 children a son who is over 2 hrs. away, a daughter who lives 345 miles away and another son who lives over 2 hrs. away.

    They come down every few weeks but I am beginning to feel like it is a burden to them. they came quit often when hubby was in the NH for 10 monthes which was wondeful.

    I don't want them to feel obligated to come often - no one really believes my about FM anyway. I just feel so alone too ----and sad and teary so often. I do feel alone as I am alone.

    I have some daily coffee "friends" but they are all younger and really not interested in hearing what an elderly lady has to say.

    Grief is so difficult! When your sweetheart passes away, your heart is never the same.

    Gengle Hugs

    Lilac