HI ! This is my first time.........

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by peterle, Dec 28, 2003.

  1. peterle

    peterle New Member

    Hello everybody . I do not quite know how to get started, but I am scared. My husband had a stroke and has not been the same since then. We ended up living with our youngest daughter. It is near the VA Hospital where he gets his healthcare and at least getting to the doctor for him is not the greatest problem since they provide wheelchair transport. Aside from not having the use of his left arm and only very limited use of the left leg,he has emphecymia [I guess thats how it is spelled ]. but the sad part is within the last two weeks he has lost about 50% of his body strength and again now needs help with transfer ect.and I am not able to help him much, since I have trouble with my back and now days the world has started to spin when I get up, the kneejoints lock up and all I want to do is escape to some quiet place where there are no monitors no oxigen mashines and bed side toilets,pullups and wet beds.Where I could go to sleep and sleep... no calls for help ,no meds no pants on ,pants down ,pants up ,pants of. No ; got to go ,just when I got me something to eat.No tissues all over the floor, no wet pullups in the floor and no wheelchair that always seems to have the brakes set when I need to move it.---I do the best I can , but so often it seems not to be enough and what when the day comes when they will keep me at the ER because my heart got to tired of beeing still ? Talked myself allready twice out of staying at the hospital for tests . Truthfully I believe that is no new news for a lot of you, but I feel so helpless,like I should do more but can't....I AM SOOO TIRED ,and afraid to go to sleep for if he wakes me up I can not go to sleep again... I have become an expert in catnaps,sitting up or standing still I can go to sleep !How long can I hang in there and do a half way decent job taking care of my man ?
    WHY DO I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR BEEING EXHAUSTED, HURTING IN BODY AND SOUL ? FOR WANTIND SOME TIME FOR MYSELF ? i FEEL LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE BETTER CARE FROM ME BUT MY BODY IS JUST NOT WILLING.AND VALLIUM CAN HELP OUT ONLY SO MANY TIMES....Well good night, we done our : "change this and that", maybe I get some sleep now...four AM ????????????????
    [This Message was Edited on 01/14/2004]
    [This Message was Edited on 01/29/2004]
  2. igiveup

    igiveup New Member

    Times are rough huh ,,,, I feel like you do and many others here feel the same ,,,, get me out of this mess ,,, enough already ,,, but we have to hang on , can you get some help from the VA ( ya right ), I feel for you , you have your hands full ,, we are here to give you support .. you have been added to my prayers ,, take care Me.
  3. peterle

    peterle New Member

    Thank you for your answers. They are helping. And this morning the dam finaly broke and for the first time since all this began, I was shedding tears. WHAT A RELIEF !!!! AND I AM JUST A BIT MAD. MAD BECAUSE HE IS NOT AS HELPLESS AS I SAW HIM TO BE. Took W.D. to the doctor and let it all hang out about how he lost sooo much strength blah blah blah... So when the doc asks him to show him how little is left of his abilety to move his arm and leg ...guess what ..UP CAME THE LEG STRAIGHT OUT, AND UP CAME THE ARM TO SHOULDER HEIGHTS...egg on my face... the reason he gave was he was afraid of falling again. I do not doubt that ,but ,looking back, it went from bad to worse the day I did not hear him calling and I was going shopping and working on things for the holidays. The doc thinks he might have had a small set back but most of it was pay back for not beeing there every minute like I had tried to be before.So I am taking it a bit more easy and knowing that things will get worse when I least exspect it Thanks again Little W. [3years old ] just got up and I got to get me some lovins .Big W.[ 70 years old ,is still sleeping ] [This Message was Edited on 01/26/2004]