hmmm

Discussion in 'Comfort, Grief and Advice' started by omfgy, May 25, 2011.

  1. omfgy

    omfgy New Member

    was reading through alot of the posts on line, i lost a sister and my father 5years ago about 6 month apart, in reading posts i could relate to some of the feeling expressed and wonder if after 5 years i am still greiving? any thoughts?
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    There isn't a set time for grieving and you will never "get over" the loss of loved ones. It's how you are able to get back in life and continue on with your life. I posted an article on this board about parents who lost their son and how they struggled, avoided the places that brought back their intense grief and how they managed to continue on in their life. Some people try to focus off the pain of loss and instead focus on honoring their departed loved ones by doing good deeds or other good and positive things. It's a good article about the struggle, how they managed, and what they did. Good luck.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/30/2011]
  3. ILoveGreen

    ILoveGreen New Member

    It's never too late to grieve. I too have experienced many losses within a short amount of time. It's never too late to go to a grief support group or counseling. There's nothing like being surrounded by others dealing with loss to make you feel "normal". If it's on your mind at all, I'd highly recommend at least finding someone you feel comfortable talking to who truly will listen with compassion. Call United Way 211 for local resources/groups. It's free and offfers a good starting point. Also, after several people gave me the same book, Sylvia Porter's "Life on the Other Side", I actually read it. It gave me some useful insights, as did the writings of C.S. Lewis.

    Take a look at other cultures and how they deal with death. For example, in the Jewish culture they sit Shivah for one week after the death of a family member. Other cultures have rituals that go on longer than that. In Mexico they celebrate "The Day of the Dead" annually in honor of all who have passed before them. In American culture, we're expected to "move on" without event as if nothing had happened, which I believe leads inevitably to more suffering than if we'd been allowed to take the time to process our loss in the first place. There are names such as "complicated grief" or "disenfranchised grief" attached to this "disorder".

    Most professionals will tell you to go on living life to the fullest in honor of your loved one who passed and left a deep hole in your heart. That is easier said than done. I say, allow yourself to experience your grief to the fullest extent: don't try to stop thinking about that person by staying so busy you don't have time to think about them. I am reminded of my loved ones who've passed when I see a certain type of bird, or smell fresh-cut grass, or hear a thunderstorm. Cry as hard and as often as you need to. Don't let anyone tell you HOW it should be. Grief is a very personal, individual experience. Some of us are much more sensitive than the rest.

    Hope this helps a little.
    Friends in grief,
    Ann