Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pirtpain, Dec 13, 2005.

  1. pirtpain

    pirtpain New Member

    I am having a really hard time emotionally the past couple of weeks and that is why I have not been on-line. My son of almost 29 yrs. decided about 2 1/2 yrs ago that he would take off to try to "find himself". He felt that the family

    kept trying to tell him what career he should have & what girl he should be with etc. We have always been close and Christmas was especially fun because we would decorate the tree & the house together. Even though he had been living

    150 miles away for the past 10 yrs. and we weren't able to do that anymore we still loved this season. This is the 3rd yr. that I have not heard from him & it is breaking my heart. I am so depressed!! I talk about it to my other son,

    he's 35, but being the typical male, logical & all, it doesn't help much. I have even started to smoke again and have bitten my nails so short it is unbelievable. It seems like I am so depressed and just can't shake it. We are

    going to visit with my son & the grandkids soon & I wish it was already over. And to top it off, my X-husband will be there because it is my grandson's Bday & I am afraid that just seeing him will make me cry and I don't want everyone

    there to see me make an ass out of myself.I guess you all know what this has done to me in regards to my pain level. I don't want to get out of bed.

    Sorry to spill my guts to all of you, but I thought it may make me feel better telling someone, & it has. Thanks for listening!

  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    you're the first post i have read tonight or day can't remeber whick now....

    my ex-husband lives in san jose....we get along now after a four year battle over nothing really to speak of...

    anyways we a one child together, he will be 16 on the 21st of december and i will be 41 one on xmas day...yuck on the holidays for me....

    i always look forward for the day after christmas....

    is there someone you could talke to before the holiday happenings? like a phycologist? i just saw mine today....

    i know it will be difficult to see your ex-hubby, but i'm sure it will be uncomfortable for him as well....just do it for the grandchildren and think of them and how you can take the higher road...

    i am on the phone right now a friend in need just called...

    i will reply again

  3. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    Holidays are difficult for so many people, I’m sorry to hear about how you are hurting right now, it’s no fun. This sure doesn’t help the DD’s we have, I know.

    You’ve written something that I am really able to relate to. I went through a terribly horrible divorce after trying to make my marriage work; at the time, didn’t realize that you couldn’t make a marriage work when the husband is an abuser!

    Instead of my son, my daughter (now 38) did what your son has done. She had to go through the “hard knocks of life.” It lasted for a long time, started when she was 19. It all nearly broke my heart and put me in to a chronic state of anxiety for what seemed forever! Her logic/reason was similar to your son’s.

    I had never smoked, but took it up at 36! (I’m off now, quit at 49) Also, I bit and still bite my nails over a lot of anxiety. I’ve wanted to have a close relationship with her so much as my mother and I have had one and I love it. I don’t know if it will ever happen. We do talk now . . . but for some reason she has a hard time being consistent in staying in contact with me. I love her so much!!! And, I thank God that my other two children are near and that my grandchildren are near. My 39 year old daughter hasn’t had any children although she’s married. She lives in N. Dakota, a long ways from Central CA!

    I’m married to a wonderful person now and have been for 20 years (I’m 59). However, the sadness of not having the family all together in body and spirit overwhelms me during the holidays, and I also feel very mixed and guilty for the divorce. My spirit and soul longs for a home like I was raised in, and I want so desperately to be the mother my mother was to me!

    Oh, I can so empathize with you pirtpain! My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope that you have some enjoyment over these holiday times.
  4. pirtpain

    pirtpain New Member

    Thanks for your input. It really helps. I made it sound like there was a problem with my ex. but we really get along great. I just get very emotional at the drop of a hat and I am afraid that he will ask me if I have heard from my

    son & that I will breakdown. Anyway, hopefully I can tough it out when needed. I always do. THANKS AGAIN!!

  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    sorry have a friend who has cfids and among other things and she is 60 divorce mother of one and never got child support....anyways her car broke down and has no money until friday she is still working....anways called to tell me her car is getting fixed and they will wait until friday morning for her payment she can't afford...


    it sounds like you ex doesn't hear from your estranged son also, i'm sure he is feeling your pain as well...i hope that you will hear from your son but you must continue on with your life and have your son in your will survivie this one day at a time....

    call a dr. and maybe they can get you into cousling or prescribe some anit depressants....

    i am dreading the day when my son goes off to college in a since that i too am divorced but i do not have any other children and is my son going to have to choose to see his grandparents in michigan , mom in california if this is where i am still living....i am not remarried at this time nor think i will ever be at this point....

    or will he go visit his father who currently lives in san jose, ca but talks about going over seas or out of state to do pipefitting...he is bipolar so who knows with him,,,,

    anyways try to count your blessings that you still have other children and family to be around and a good friend for an ex-husband....

    i do not have anymore thoughts but wish you the best through the holidays.....

    i don't like them myself....

  6. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Do not fret. You really can not control all that will happen. You certainly can not want to get sicker, which it seems you will. Honey, set your priorities with this illness and wellness as your number one priority.
    You seem to be backsliding. Put the illness and wellness before anything and you might stop smoking and biting your nails.

    And, honey, I was the same as you. Absoulutely the same.
    Then I got my priorities straight. My grandmother used to say: If you do not have your health: you have nothing'.
    P.S. I hope I was not preachy. If that is the way I came across, please excuse me. Reading your post very much touched me.
  7. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    Being estranged from your son must be the most tragic thing to live with! I don't understand children who withdraw from their parents; however, I have known other people whose children have done the same thing...and it was torture.

    My prayers for you! You have a heavy load right now, and I wish there were something else I could do, but I can pray and I can listen and I'm glad you posted. Everyone needs a place to talk and be understood. I hope you have a counselor/pastor/priest or someone you can talk face-to-face with. Know we are here to support you whatever.

  8. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    I've learned that saying 'no' to people's demands and expectations -without feeling guilty about it- is one of the best ways I can take care of my self.

    Having said that, if I were in you shoes, I'd consider staying away from the upcoming Christmas/birthday party.

    I expect it's an important family event but perhaps by arranging to visit on another day (when your stress level and sense of dread has lessened and when your ex-husband will not be in attendance)you may end up with a better and (certainly more comfortable) day for yourself and your family.

    Of course, avoiding the party may not be the right thing for you to do. You're the only person that knows what's called for in this situation. But for my own self, if avoiding a family party is what it took for me to avoid much pain and an inevitable flare, then that's what I'd do.

    God bless you and your family. I know the pain of an estranged son and my heart goes out to you.

    Anne Theresa

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