HOLIDAY EATING Tips... Just in time for the season

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Dec 6, 2006.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Holiday Eating Tips

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're probably serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now, so drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free... Lots of it... Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Pecan. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have one each of the other three. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

  2. Callum

    Callum New Member

    Very funny, Victoria. Thanks for sharing!

    LBS - "Dehydrated food" reminds me of a funny story. My mom was talking to a friend of hers who was taking a guided tour in Mexico. My mother suggested taking bottled water for the trip. Her friend explained that, as part of a tour group, she was only allowed on suitcase, and would not have room for bottles of water.

    My mother then suggested, with completely sincerity, that she should go to a camping-supply store, and buy some dehydrated water.

    Brilliant! My poor mother had no idea why her friend gave her a look of horror, or why I could not speak for laughing for a good ten minutes...

  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    too funny about the dehydrated H2O!!!

    I have to admit tho, camping or not, I think the idea of opening a pouch and putting boiling water in it and having a great meal certainly sounds attractive to me many days...

    in fact I have a feeling --when I'm really wiped and barely able to move, like now -- it would probably taste almost as good as eating it while camping...


  4. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    print these out and post them on the frig! Great rules and I think I can follow them.

    Thanks for the funny. It did lighten my day.

  5. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    This is a great list. I'll need to tatoo it on my, ever expanding stomach, to follow the directions to a 'T'!

    Great one!

  6. Alary

    Alary Member

    Loved this one! Shared it, too!

    Made me hungry, though.