HOLIDAYS, FRIENDS AND OVER-COMMITTING

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CarolynAnne, Nov 16, 2005.

  1. CarolynAnne

    CarolynAnne New Member

    Does anyone else feel overwhelmed with the holiday and committments to friends and family? This is my first year with CFIDS.

    I am curious how you are handling invitations to get togethers/parties/holiday celebrations/family obligations - do you respond yes and hope for the best? I know I should think of my health first, but I dont want to offend anyone.

    I am getting myself sick over this. My weekend calendar is full throught the end of the year and I am getting myself worked up - knowing that Saturdays and Sunday I rest up so that I can work Monday - Friday. I know that if I keep up this pace, I will be in trouble. HELP....




  2. sami

    sami New Member

    NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    A couple years ago I started to set my own pace and make my own rules.

    My parents divorced when I was in high school so we have 2 sets of grandparents to visit there and my in-laws. My in-laws are unbelieveably not understanding - they feel that Christmas night we HAVE to go to Great-Grandpa & Grandma's and find a separate day to go to the in-laws as well.

    I finally put my foot down last year and said - I am having Christmas at my house- everyone will come to US this year. If you would like to come you are welcome after 11:00 am because we are spending the morning with our children. Bring such and such please.

    We had a great time & I was very relaxed! I know that there are many that can not handle that type of thing because of the pain, etc. but you must find something that works for you or you will go insane!!!

    Holidays are supposed to be a time of cheer and spending time with those you love - if that is what you want to do. No one said you have to do a million things in 3 days:) lol Find what you are comfy with so you, too, can enjoy yourself.

    Thinking of you!
    Kelly
    [This Message was Edited on 11/16/2005]
  4. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    your calendar and pick out the events you really want to attend. It's impossible for us to know what days are going to be good and which ones bad. I hate to never say yes to things I really want to do (notice I say the things you want to do not the things you feel you have to). Of course if the day comes and I'm not up to it, I either don't stay as long or cancel out altogether.

    It sounds like you are still working full-time so you really have to watch your schedule so you have adequate rest time. Your health has to be a priority.

    Ellen
  5. hehmommy

    hehmommy New Member

    Now I just am better at saying no and declining politely. I just cannot do everything like I use to and with a 3 year old in tow it just ain't happening. We pick a few activities to mark on the calender and that is it. If for some reason I am having a really good day we might add in a little something extra. Just don't overextend yourself or else you will not be able to enjoy your holidays. Since I am doing Thanksgiving this year we have nothing planned the week before so I can get plenty of rest. I also try to make most stuff the day before and set the table and everything early so I can get to bed earlier and get some sleep. I don't know why saying No is the hardest thing to do, but it is for fear we will hurt someones feelings. I have learned it is just best to be honest with someone and just let them know I just don't have the energy to do it. Most people understand and are fine with it.

    Trish :)
  6. Alyndra

    Alyndra New Member

    This is my first year as well battling with the FM ontop of everything else. As far as friends and family go; I haven't agreed to anything! Not even Christmas with my immediate family.

    When someone asks for an RSVP to compensate for food or whatnot - I always tell them not to include me in their planning. I do agree that if I can I will make an appearence, but I always just go after the dinner, etc.

    Family wise it isn't too bad for me. Prior to me being diagnosed with FM my Aunt had been battling with FM for many years as well, so my family was quite used to it.

    You should never feel you are obligated to do something. Your health and comfort should aloways come first. People may be disappointed they won't get to see you, but it's not something they should hold against you.

    ~Amanda
  7. CarolynAnne

    CarolynAnne New Member

    In my heart of hearts I am still have difficulties coming to the fact that my body is not the same as last year. I feel that if I say no... I am giving in to this DD. I hate that it wins out most of the time. I want my old life back - I miss being the the "social butterfly" (ok - my pitty party is over now)

    I have told my best friends about this DD and they have been very supportive, I think it is time that I tell my other friends why i have not been around.

    Thank you all for your support.

    [This Message was Edited on 11/16/2005]
  8. adberens

    adberens New Member

    I have had CFIDS for 10 years and should have learned by now but this year I have really blown it. I have over-committed and do not feel I can back out of things. I am exhausted and the holidays have not even started. We live in Virginia and our families are in Michigan so we always go there for Thanksgiving. That means running around seeing family on both sides and trying to fit in friends. The good thing is that we plan a quiet Christmas together so once I get home, I can recover.

    Try to just to the important things.
  9. getfitat40

    getfitat40 New Member

    I always get sick at the holidays because I stretch my social limits. For the 4 years that I have been at this job, I have missed our holiday parties because I am always sick by then...and these are nice fancy parties at Chicago landmarks. This year I am determined to go...and I am not sure how I will do it. I do say no a lot and I cancel on people a lot and I hate it. Friends don't understand, but your health has to come first.

    I always use one weekend day to rest and relax so I can work full time too and that is a pain. I can't remember who said it on this thread but I think that is a great idea - it gives you some control! Good luck...I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn't. Sorry