Honor Thy Mother and Father Help

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Elisa, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    I've written about some of this here before...

    My Mother is angry with me because I won't "come around" after being physically and verablly abused by my only sister's boyfriend.

    My Mother demands/wants her daughter's close.

    My sister supports her boyfriend's bizarre physical and verbal abuse of me - and it really blew my mind and broke my heart, really.

    This has been going on since August (my Mom's B-Day) and the campaigning by my Mother to tell me I'm wrong is abusive in itself. Afterall, I believe Mothers should never put or encourage a child to be in harms way.

    How do I deal with this? I really feel sick wihen I hear this from my Mother. I am just horrified by the depravity of it.

    The bible says "Honor thy Mother and Father" - I am really troubled by this.

    God does not want me to place myself in an abusive situation (i.e., be around my sister or her boyfriend). What I know of the Father is that is not what He is about. Am I wrong? How do I reconcile these two beliefs?

    Praying for help and guidance,


  2. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    So good to hear from you - you are sooo sweet for your message. And I am so grateful for the help!

    So much that you say is so true - but hard to see up close, ya know?

    I just hate the injustice of it all. It makes me feel like the bad guy - yet all I'm trying to do is protect myself. Somehow I feel the lesson is more my sister's than mine - even though it is affecting me so terribly.

    It is so hard to hear my Mother support my sister - when I know in my heart she is wrong to side with abuse.

    You're so right the only justice IS in heaven - Thank you so much for the wisdom of your words.

    There is so much about what you say that comforts me. And a new perspective helps me look at it differently.

    Thank you so much for your kind heartedness - the Father truly has many helpers and you surely are one!

    Thank you so much for your prayers too.

    God Bless you Sweetpotatoe!

    [This Message was Edited on 11/04/2007]
  3. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    You have gotten some good advice from the other posters.

    What is happening to you is Emotional Blackmail-----plain and not too simple.

    There is a book by Susan Forward that talks about Emotional Blackmail. It may help you identify and confirm your present feelings.

    You are NOT dishonoring your Mother and Father by setting limitations on what you will and won't do. It is called self preservation. AS long as your Mother knows you are seeking her approval, she holds the power over you. Start doing what is best for YOU, not them. When you respect yourself, your body language changes.

    I think your Mother is asking you because your Mother knows it is impossible to get your sister to change. You are the easier target to hit. You Mother also may have played a pivotal role in your sister's unhealthy dance with unacceptable behavior. There can be multilayered dysfunctional dances in a family. The best thing you can do for yourself is to redefine your role. Change the shape of your puzzle piece. Change your responses and DON'T JUSTIFY. The minute you begin to justify, you have lost your footing and they will attack.

    If you have told your Mother how you feel:

    The original physical and verbal abuse--

    The uncomfortable feeling you get just being in the same room with your sister and her BF

    Your disappointment in your Mother's reaction to your feelings---

    I think you need to take a different approach. Stop trying to play peace maker. I want you to come up with ONE sentence (two maximum) that basically states,
    "I will not come to your home while my sister and her abusive BF are present; when would be a good time for me to come before or after so I can see you?"

    I'm sure you can phrase it better than I did. You need to stick to the same sentence over and over. They will try guilt trips, irrational reasoning, insisting that you are too sensitive, and any other rabbit they can pull out of the hat nonsense to throw at you. Don't fall for the trap. Just keep repeating that one sentence over and over as they try to find a weak spot in your point of view.

    Just thought of something else---if they come up with the guilt trip about honor thy Father and thy Mother----acknowledge that and then state that there is also Jesus's teaching that states, "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". Don't take any happy horse do-do from them. Set reasonable limitations and nuture yourself.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/05/2007]
  4. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    I was a church organist/choir director for nearly 40 years and sat through many sermons regarding this commandment.

    Had I not been paid and employed, there were times I would have had to leave.

    I won't go into my own situation but would say I have learned.. PARENTS, act honorably that your children may honor you.

    Those of us who have been abused find this commandment very difficult.

    Someone mentioned a book by Susan Forward. I would like to call attention to a book no longer in print, but likely would be available from used books like Amazon. It is called "The Emotionally Abused Woman" by Beverly Engle.

    There were chapters in that book that I felt were written specifically for and to me.
  5. fairydust39

    fairydust39 New Member

    Have you heard of the scripture
    "When God is for You,who can be against You "

    You need to spend some time alone with God,on your knees.
    When you grow closer to God,he will handle this all for you. That is a Promise from God. "Ask and you shall Recieve".
    God knows what we need before we ask but wants us to ask for his help, just like you would your earthly Father.
    There is nothing that we can't get through with God's help!

    I know that b/c I just lost my husband and I'm also having health problems but I KNOW that God will see me through.

    Just Pray and have Faith that God will take care of you and he will. "Let his will be done and not MINE!

    God says "Honor your Father and Your Mother and days on earth will be long for you"!
    BUT it doesn't say anyplace that we should be a doormat for them to wipe their feet on.
    Treat them with respect but Pray and stay away from them.
    Then God will intervene on your behalf. THEN don't be surprised if they knock on your door and say they are sorry. God NEVER does things halfway !!!
    I will pray for you and you Pray for God's guildance.
  6. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    So much wisdom and so much kindness - thank you so much for every word. I read and re-read your replies and try to think about each one...

    I am grateful and thankful for your help,