Horrible experience with new doctor

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by glendamarie22, Aug 28, 2002.

  1. glendamarie22

    glendamarie22 New Member



    I think this is the first time I've posted in several months, but I just had to share vent this to some of you.
    To start off, I am 22 and have had FM and CFS fir several years now. I'm pretty bad right now. Don't see how I could be much worse. I hardly ever go out with my friends, I'm sick all the time and I had to work and college almost two years ago. I stopped going to doctors after two in a row tried to tell me I was depressed. However, it's really hard on my mom (I live with my parents) just watching and feeling like she's able to help,so she finally got me to try another doctor....................BIG mistake. I went to a rheumatologist and before I got started telling him my problems, I wanted to ask him a few questions first to see if I was wasting my time. The guy was obviosly upset or crazy before he eer entered the examination room because the minute he came in he plopped in the chair, slammed my file down and said, "What can I do for you." (No question mark there because he didn't phrase it as a question at all.) I said," Well, that's a long story.....first can I ask you a couple of questions?" He just looked at me so I proceeded. "You don't specialize in FMS, you're just a rheumatologist, is that right?" He said,"There is no such thing as a 'specialist' in Fibromyalgia." I said,"Oh, sorry. I didn't know that. I've read a lot about it and I and I had heard...." "I don't care. I don't care. I don't care what you've heard." That was his exact reply. For some reason, I tried again. "Oh ok, sorry - I just wanted to know...." Before I could finish what I was about to say, he had slammed (again) my file shut and stormed out of the room, muttering, " I don't have to take this." and something about," Cure you........"
    I was astonished! I had no idea doctors were even ALLOWED to behave this way with their patients!! And don't patients have every right to question their doctors? Especially on a first time visit? I was so upset when I left (without paying, of course.) and when I got in the car with my mom, I started crying. I had been up sick all night and was hoping that I would be able to get something to help with the pain. I cried all day and was upset all the next day.
    I promise that I am not normally such an emotional person. I was surprised at how much this affected me. I guess it was because I had been hoping that maybe this would be the one who could help me. I always feel that way before doctor's visits and am always dissapointed.
    This whole thing has just really bothered me, even though it was clear that the guy was insane....... I called back after I left his office and spoke to the main secretary there. She was very nice and sympathetic, but was very surprised that he had behaved that way. She said he doesn't have a reputation for that sort of thing and actually has regular patients who have been with him for years!
    So, what I want to know, everyone is: Did I do something wrong? Where can I complain about this guy? And finally.......Is there such a thing as a doctor who UNDERSTANDS what we have??

    ~Glenda
  2. glendamarie22

    glendamarie22 New Member



    I think this is the first time I've posted in several months, but I just had to share vent this to some of you.
    To start off, I am 22 and have had FM and CFS fir several years now. I'm pretty bad right now. Don't see how I could be much worse. I hardly ever go out with my friends, I'm sick all the time and I had to work and college almost two years ago. I stopped going to doctors after two in a row tried to tell me I was depressed. However, it's really hard on my mom (I live with my parents) just watching and feeling like she's able to help,so she finally got me to try another doctor....................BIG mistake. I went to a rheumatologist and before I got started telling him my problems, I wanted to ask him a few questions first to see if I was wasting my time. The guy was obviosly upset or crazy before he eer entered the examination room because the minute he came in he plopped in the chair, slammed my file down and said, "What can I do for you." (No question mark there because he didn't phrase it as a question at all.) I said," Well, that's a long story.....first can I ask you a couple of questions?" He just looked at me so I proceeded. "You don't specialize in FMS, you're just a rheumatologist, is that right?" He said,"There is no such thing as a 'specialist' in Fibromyalgia." I said,"Oh, sorry. I didn't know that. I've read a lot about it and I and I had heard...." "I don't care. I don't care. I don't care what you've heard." That was his exact reply. For some reason, I tried again. "Oh ok, sorry - I just wanted to know...." Before I could finish what I was about to say, he had slammed (again) my file shut and stormed out of the room, muttering, " I don't have to take this." and something about," Cure you........"
    I was astonished! I had no idea doctors were even ALLOWED to behave this way with their patients!! And don't patients have every right to question their doctors? Especially on a first time visit? I was so upset when I left (without paying, of course.) and when I got in the car with my mom, I started crying. I had been up sick all night and was hoping that I would be able to get something to help with the pain. I cried all day and was upset all the next day.
    I promise that I am not normally such an emotional person. I was surprised at how much this affected me. I guess it was because I had been hoping that maybe this would be the one who could help me. I always feel that way before doctor's visits and am always dissapointed.
    This whole thing has just really bothered me, even though it was clear that the guy was insane....... I called back after I left his office and spoke to the main secretary there. She was very nice and sympathetic, but was very surprised that he had behaved that way. She said he doesn't have a reputation for that sort of thing and actually has regular patients who have been with him for years!
    So, what I want to know, everyone is: Did I do something wrong? Where can I complain about this guy? And finally.......Is there such a thing as a doctor who UNDERSTANDS what we have??

    ~Glenda
  3. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    And you are not alone! Many here have gone thru horror stories similar (though most not as bad!), but there is hope. After having my reg. dr. pat my knee, and say "we all get these little aches & pains" I made an appointment with a rheumatologist. He was absolutely wonderful. He listened, actually read thru my 4 page list of symptoms & then asked questions about it.

    A week ago I was scheduled for a check of my lip after the biopsy. I misunderstood and what he thought was a 2 minute visit turned into 20 b/c I thought I was there for treatment plan. As soon as I started talking about my main problem, he put the chart down (gently!), sat back down, crossed his legs & listened! I almost fell off the table..lol So don't give up hope...it may take a little while, but there are good drs out there who believe in fms and cfids.

    Go to the home page, click on dr. referral, it has tips on looking for a dr, and a link to the co-cure board.

    Write a complaint & send it to him & your state medical board. Nobody should have to be treated like this. Keep us posted. Michele
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    So sorry to hear that you had such an awful experience with a doctor! I am sure he can be reported to the Medical Ass.

    Have you tried the good doctor list for one? Here is the webaddress; http://www.co-cure.org/Good-Doc.htm

    Hopefully you will find a conpassionate doctor in your area.

    If not on the list, just put the state you are in on the board, and I am sure one of the members here will be glad to share their doctor with you.

    You take care, and I can't see where you did anything wrong!

    But that doctor didn't do anything right!

    Shalom, Shirl
  5. blast

    blast New Member

    I am still shocked everytime I hear this from another person. I cannot believe that a person, whether or not a doctor, would treat another human being this way.
    Why are they so uncaring? i just don't get it.
    I, on the other hand, am very lucky that my doctor and i have had a great relationship for over 8 yrs. now, and she is so wonderful.
    I really feel for you, but don't give up. Look around and ask others for their doctors names. Eventually you will find someone I'm sure you will. Try to find someone here in your area or surrounding area and give that doctor a cnace. Where are you from? I know I had bad luck with a rhume doc. and just stuck with my primary (internist). So, you don't always need a specialist.
    I've also heard people here have had good pain clinic doctors, so that is another option.
    You deserve to be treated for your pain and other symptoms, you deserve to be comfortable. Please keep trying and find someone who will help you and give you something for your pain. You don't deserve to suffer your life away. I know I wouldn't :)
    Keep us posted, and good luck!
    Blast
  6. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    I forgot to tell you to read the post by HiRiskRN, entitled Pat me on the back...letter to the JERK pain dr...if you read my post soon, it's near the bottom of the second page, if not, type in "pat me on" under search messages and it will pull it up.

    And welcome back. Michele
  7. glendamarie22

    glendamarie22 New Member



    I feel a little better already, just knowing that someone understands what I went through. I posted a reply to Sandy's post about the doc (before she replied to mine) and said that I thought it would make me feel better to just write the guy, but was unsure of what to write. Thanks so much letting me use your letter, Sandy. I really appreciate it. I will definitely be checking back here to let you all know how it went.
    Thanks again. You have no idea how much I needed your support and encouragement today.

    ~Glenda
  8. tapmom

    tapmom New Member

    Keep reading and educating yourself. You must take control of this situation. I went to many drs.who were absolutely not help to me, and then I finally went to a naturapathic doctor, who saved my life. I really mean that. I don't know where I would be today without her help. I encourage you to seek one out. Hang in there!
  9. jackie2day

    jackie2day New Member

    What's worse is when you talk about the pain and before you can finish you hear "we don't prescribe narcotics for that"
    I can't tell if it's cause I'm
    African American or not but sometimes I suspect it.

    I've done a lot of crying because of insensitive, uninformed drs believe it or not as bad as the one you described.

    Report him to the AMA, BBB your chamber of commerce and anyone else who will listen. My heart goes out to you.

    I'm too tired to type anymore. I just had to respond to your message.

    goodnight
    j2day
  10. BonnieQ

    BonnieQ Member

    You don't live in Ohio do you? LOL! That sure sounds like my rheumie! He is a A##@#%#! But he is such an intelligent dr. that I still go to him. Not too often though . I have figured out how to relate to him too, it wasn't easy, The first time I went to him, I almost got up and left he was so abrupt! If you can, have your mom go with you, now I started taking my husband he treats me much better. (the dr.) I wouldn't go to him if there were more rheumies out there, but theres not many around and since I learned to put up with his bull it has gotten easier. But no way would I put up with a Dr. like the one you went to, mine isn't even that bad. I think rheumies get tired of elderly people complaing all day? I have heard most of them are arrogant Drs. I hope you can find someone that is kinder. Please report him to your insurance too, they like to know, especially if you have to get referrals, they might take him off there list.
  11. glendamarie22

    glendamarie22 New Member



    I am trying to compose this letter to the so-called doctor, but I don't want to sound ignorant or just like I am telling him off. While I was browsing today, I found the code of ethics for the Medical Association and the very first one on the list was that all patients should be treated with respect. I want to include that in the letter, but I think it would have more impact if I copied it directly from the page.......only I can't find it again. can anyone help me with this? I really want that link.
    (I will definitely post the letter before I send it so you can all tell what you think and helo me with any changes it may need.)

    ~Glenda
  12. TeresaBnGA

    TeresaBnGA New Member

    Hey girl!!
    I have been crying for most of the day too, because of jerk doctors! But a little while ago my the little side of me that wants justice took over and kicked me in the butt and said look, "You may not be able to do much, but there is nothing wrong with mailing letters and making phone calls". So there are 3 doctors that are going to have a very big surprise in a few weeks or ever how long it takes and I will be first to stand up and say I did it!!! This is one I will be proud to take credit for!!
    First doctor couple months ago writes me a certified letter telling me he can no longer treat me because I owe him 100.00!! I already (me and my insurance) paid him over 2000.00.
    Second doctor tells me that if I would get off my fat lazy behind and pick some cotton and wash my husband's car I would start to feel better, even have this in his notes.
    Third doctor refuses to give me any sort of pain medication says that 20 pills should do me for 6 weeks!! After writing in his notes that I have a severe condition that needs agressive treatment!
    So I am preparing letters now to report all three of them!
    You don't have to take that kind of treatment girl! That is what we all need to do, maybe they would start to sit up and take notice of what they are doing to us.

    Soft hugs!
    Teresa :)
  13. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    Don't give up looking for a good doctor. They are out there! I live in Maryland, and there's actually people from Ohio & Kentucky that go to my new rheumy (who's great!). Sometimes once you're given a dx your pcp dr will work with the treatment plan given by a long distance dr. I have heard people say they felt it was worth the drive (some of them 4-5 hrs or more) to get the dx, because once their pcp saw the validation by a specialist, they were actually working with them.

    I added my rheumy's name on the co-cure.org board 2 weeks ago, & haven't seen it on there; the moderator said they were working on it. So if you don't see a dr. there, post back here w/ your state & see if you get a reply.

    I was planning on writing a letter to my pcp practice, complaining to the main dr. about mine; however, there had been so many other complaints, that he's gone already. So don't think complaints don't get heard. If a bad doctor is in with other doctors and they hear enough complaints, they will often do something cause they know that eventually someone's going to sue, and they don't want to lose their money over an incompetent. It's a slow process, but eventually the AMA will have no choice but to better educate & control their doctors. The code of silence is slowly breaking, so hang in there!

    Best wishes to all. Michele

  14. Pat UK

    Pat UK New Member

    from my DR when I asked him if he would treat me soon after I was diagnosed,his exact words were " No I am too old to learn new tricks" and that was it, no support or anything.
    I left the surgery not knowing where to turn, or who to go to. I should have reported him for being so insensitive but I did`nt. I looked for a new DR straight away and found the most marvelous man, alas he has moved on but his collegue is equally as nice, You will find one also.
    Best wishes
    Pat.
  15. hbic

    hbic New Member

    I had an incredible experience with a doctor, not like yours, but enough to make me call the Insurance company he works for. I wont go into details, cuz its too long to bore you, but, He PEEVED ME OFF>>>> so, when I got home, I called my insurance company. You wont find a doctor whos not part of an HMO these days, so if you dont know what it is, find out and call them, tell them you wish to make a FORMAL complaint. The Head doctor guy, I dont know his title, called me two days later, and I told him the story. Never heard another word. But, about a month later, I got a form letter that said he was leaving. He came to our office as a new, young, dr. He replaced the old PCP that had recently left. And a month after my problem with him, I get another letter like the last saying, he is leaving and new doctor is coming. I think he got fired. Of course they arent going to tell anyone that. And the secretary who you talked to, Would have lost her job if she was over heard telling you the truth. Be a fly on her wall at home and she complains about this poser all night.
  16. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    Hi friend,
    Write and call and call and write. I, too, have had your experience and after I call my HMO, I wrote the local newspaper and they actually PRINTED my letter. LOTS of response was received from that. This doc prescribed Methotrexate for me after I complained and complained and then he "forgot" to inform me that my liver enzymes were toxic after one month of taking it. Do you know how I found out?? I was at work (I'm a nurse) and I decided to look up my history and physical (from a recent hospital stay) on the computer. Lo and behold, I read "patient was started on Methotrexate, but became toxic after a month and the med was D/C'd" Well, this was several months later and I was still on this drug, so I frantically called the office and the nurse kinda hesitated and said she'd call me back..............I waited and waited........... then I called her back....she broke down in tears and said she'd forgotten to let me know to stop the drug. OK, I accepted that human mistake, but then I started thinking....hmmmmmmmm..... I not only wasn't told to stop it, the dose had actually been increased during that time and the doctor had to give THAT order. So, I called him and spoke to him directly after, I'm sure, the nurse had fessed up. He said, I'm sorry this has upset you so much." I said, "You know, I understand that you're afraid I'll sue you; I won't, but I need to trust you and I need to hear you admit this mistake." None followed. Now, two years later, my liver enzymes are still very elevated, but I'm starting Milk Thistle for this. Sometimes, we just HAVE to be smarter than they are. We deserve better care~~ we have to have a physician to prescribe much-needed medication. Just be aware and well-informed.
    Be Smart,
    Kady
    [This Message was Edited on 09/04/2002]
  17. dlizard

    dlizard New Member

    that there is some big ole conspiracy thing with these doctors.... just what is the deal??? I have had so many experiences like yours... I quit going to. The last time I tried to make an appointment I was told it was fine then to be told that the doctor didn't take my insurance ( which was fine my parents woulda paid CASH$$$$) then it was he wasn't taking out of town patients etc... I hate new doctors! I think they are in some conspiracy to claim most of our dollars and all of our minds!!! NAHHHH I do hate doctors and think very very few of them care and I'm not talking about just fibro/rheumatologist type. I've worked with alot of these guys all across america and I'm here to tell you one thing... YOU ARE THE BOSS! You pay them for their services. Now imagine if the man selling you the car talked to you that way.... intersting thought. You should always be able to ask questions. EVEN IF YOU ASK THE QUESTIONS FIRST* and what's more YOU DESERVE** respect. That's what I think anyway. It's such a sad thing ya'll... I just don't get it. but Good luck!
  18. TheUnicorn

    TheUnicorn New Member

    I'm sorry that you had such a horrid experience.

    I have some insight into what triggered such a display of lunacy in this man. But, even understanding why, I don't condone his behavior.

    The next time a doctor walks into the exam room and slams a chart down and asks you unemotionally, "What can I do for you?", you should reply, "Well, before I tell you, let me say that I'm sorry your day is obviously such a bummer and that you're so upset and frustrated by what happened before you walked into this room. I've had many days like that recently and I'd like for you to help me with that problem." And, then tell him about your problems.

    One of the things which you did not know you shouldn't have done was the question about whether he was a fibromyalgia specialist or "just" a Rheumatologist. I'm sure he was very insulted by that phrase "just a Rheumatologist".

    Also, the fact that you came looking for a "fibro specialist" told him you already had a diagnosis. If you didn't preface your remarks about fibro by telling him when a doctor diagnosed you, I feel he probably felt you were self-diagnosing. And, doctors HATE that!

    As I indicated, there's no excuse for his behavior but I feel he thought he had good reason for it.

    Since his receptionist said this isn't his usual manner, I do feel that what I have said here is most likely the cause of this unprofessional display.

    I hope that your next meeting with a doctor goes more as it should go.

    Unicorn
  19. Betty50victor

    Betty50victor New Member

    I have a very congenial internal med. dr at "KAISER!?" But,
    he is always so busy and probably overbooked, he's always in a hurry! I get so flustered that I forget things I want to tell him. I EVEN write the things I want to ask on a pc. of paper and forget to take it out of my pocket! I was told by the dr. that I had before this one that they were only to spend no more than 15 mins. with each patient, TOTAL! He does give me meds when I need-em. But, he admits he doesn't know much about fibro like many others. I've seen rhum dr. and he wasn't very interested in hearing my problems. Just said that yes I do have fibro and gave me muscle relaxers that DO NOT work. Seen a pain mgmt. dr. and heard the same thing. They sent me to phy.therapy which nearly killed me. I can't do the excercises cause they cause too much pain. I can do VERY lite stretches only and that wears me out. Can't hardley walk. Go to the market and I'm out of commission for the rest of the day.
    What I'm getting to is: How can I look around for a dr who would be able to help me when I have to stay with the drs at kaiser? Can't afford to pay cash to another dr. I JUST started getting disability and the dr. only put me on it for 2 months which I don't undestand at all. He knows how I've pushed myself to work for the last year+ and it has taken it's toll on myself, body and mind. I just don't understand! I have another appt. on friday and I'll have to pay out of my pocket since my employer cancelled my insurance. I HAVE to pay cause he needs to see me again, per disability, to get an extension for disability. I just don't know why he didn't just put down that I need a years worth. I told him that I'm applying for Soc. Security Disability.
    Well, longer than I expected but this is the only place where I can vent. I don't know what I'd do without all of you. Thank You so much.... I read alot from you all and it REALLY helps.
    Betty in Valencia CA
  20. Deana

    Deana Guest

    Not all Rheumatoligists are like that I feel like I have a good one.
    Hes very concerned when I am having a bad time and really listens. Always telling me I am looking good (even when I am not ) only to help make me feel better Im sure.
    I could go on and on but....

    I know what your talking about it only took me 9 before I found him and one was a real ass.

    Good luck and dont lose complete faith I know it is very discouraging when you cant get people to recognize theres a problem we all can relate to that.

    We are all here so just call on us and well try to help.
    Lots of good wishes coming your way.
    Deana